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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an unacceptable text to send to a child?

323 replies

skeeshgal · 15/03/2022 19:48

My DD is 11, she has her own phone which I check regularly. Tonight I was going through her text messages and one of her cousin's friends who is 8 had text my DD last night. This particular friend is 'best friends' with my niece (DD's cousin) and they have had some falling outs as of late so my DD isn't particularly keen of her. The text exchange went as this -

Niece friend (8) - hi
DD (11) - stop you made my cousin cry so I don't want to talk to you thanks.
Niece friends mum (bloody 30 odd) - This is ** mum, my DD didn't mean to send you that. Deleting and blocking your number now.

I am absolutely fuming, my DD was polite enough - gave the girl a reason she didn't want to speak and said thank you. She is fair enough to say that. I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that. Being rude towards an 11 year old. Utterly pathetic.

AIBU??

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 15/03/2022 20:46

Not especially rude - just direct and to the point. If your DD can’t deal with that, then maybe she shouldn’t have a phone? Nothing offensive said - just a pretty straightforward “shutting down now” approach.

Lndnmummy · 15/03/2022 20:47

I think it was sensible of the mum to step in. The child is 8. She stepped in to parent and take control of the situation. Which is what you'd expect the parent of an 8 year old to do, no? I think the mum assessed it and thougt something along these lines: 8 year old has had some friendship issues, reaches out to considerably older girl. Older girl shuts down the attempt in a pretty abrupt way. If my 8 year old had had that exchange with some one 4 years older, I'd have stepped in too.

Rinatinabina · 15/03/2022 20:47

I read it as the mum is dealing with it so the 8yr old doesn’t text her again.

StrictlySinging · 15/03/2022 20:48

Deleting and blocking = ending unhelpful communication either way

Seems entirely parental and appropriate
and if you are that way out … fair, equal for both girls.

Therealjudgejudy · 15/03/2022 20:48

Do you thrive on drama by any chance..?Hmm

Lndnmummy · 15/03/2022 20:49

And considering "you are absoloutely fuming" it was probably right that she did to avoid an escelation. Would you not agree?

Ohyesiam · 15/03/2022 20:49

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

You're reading it as "I'm deleting this and blocking you so you can't contact my dd again" whereas in the context of your dd saying she didn't want contact it could be "I'm deleting this and blocking you so my dd cannot contact you again in line with your wishes".
^ to me this seems a clear headed assessment. Was it the blocking, the getting involved, they stating that she was blocking or something else that has got to you?
LetHimHaveIt · 15/03/2022 20:50

@TonkaTruckduck

Is NetMums still going? If so you'd love it there, all the huns are permanently raging / fuming / shaking and crying.
Christ, I was literally just thinking that. She should definitely have posted this over at NetMums: it's not winning this crowd at all, but I imagine it'd really land over there.
MermaidEyes · 15/03/2022 20:50

The teen years are going to be tough for you!

Oh yes. Op maybe in future your dd will learn to stay out of quarrels that don't concern her or she'll turn into one of those teenage girls who constantly creates drama between other girls

HoppingPavlova · 15/03/2022 20:52

Don’t see the issue. Your child gave the other child a cease and desist order. One could say there is a power imbalance as there is a wide chasm developmentally between 8 and 11 year olds.

The other mum also (sensibly) monitors their child’s phone. Saw the cease and desist and responded that it had been acknowledged and how this was actioned.

It is neither sensible for an 8yo or 11yo to have a phone as this is the sort of thing one can realistically expect but I appreciate that it may be required due to transport issues etc.

Butchyrestingface · 15/03/2022 20:52

Your daughter was none too kind to a younger kid. Might have been deserved, might not. But I wouldn't have liked receiving that message from an older child when I was 8.

luckylavender · 15/03/2022 20:55

@skeeshgal

Why did she need to say to an 11 year old that she was deleting and blocking her number? Why not just do it if not to cause upset?
I think you are overreacting. They are too young to handle this and the mother wasn't rude. It was appropriate.
twominutesmore · 15/03/2022 20:55

Why is your 11yo getting involved with the squabbles of her 8yo relative?

Why send such a rude reply to an 8yo little kid? Your dd accused her of making her cousin cry but unless she was there she has no idea who was to blame.

Your dd said she didn't want to talk to her so, as requested, they can now no longer talk. That's a good mum checking her child's phone and acting appropriately to prevent any further conflict.

You sound about 11 yourself. Reckon the Apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.

Fcuk38 · 15/03/2022 20:56

@skeeshgal

Why did she need to say to an 11 year old that she was deleting and blocking her number? Why not just do it if not to cause upset?
Why does it matter your daughter said she didn’t want to speak to her so the mum made it possible for her not to speak to her. It sounds like she shouldn’t have been sending the message in the first place as she says sorry my daughter didn’t meant to send you that so is there more to the story?
ldontWanna · 15/03/2022 20:58

@TonkaTruckduck

Is NetMums still going? If so you'd love it there, all the huns are permanently raging / fuming / shaking and crying.
In the huns defence there's been plenty of shaking,crying,fuming,snapping,farting and at least one meltdown at the Sistine Chapel on here too.
LaughingCat · 15/03/2022 20:59

Ouch…well, this didn’t go well, did it? Tough crowd.

Who, much as I hate to be in the majority, I totally agree with. This is such a non-issue, I’d be hard pressed to find something less significant to fume over. Seemed like a perfectly reasonable way to handle the developing situation.

But then, I think you’ve heard that a lot now 🤷‍♀️

SeasonFinale · 15/03/2022 20:59

Your daughter was pretty blunt and unpleasant to an 8 year old and so her Mum put a stop to it Good for her. Maybe you should stop you daughter from being nasty to a little child.

winterchills · 15/03/2022 20:59

What?!?!? I'm confused. Where was she rude?

TooEarlyForMe · 15/03/2022 21:00

Not sure what the 8 yr old did wrong! All she did was say 'hi'! Think the mum did the right thing. Not sure what the issue is 🤷

Ohhhhladz · 15/03/2022 21:00

Everyone seems to agree that the two girls should not message each other, at least for now. Deleting and blocking makes sense in this case. Only deleting would mean the number could be re-added - for example, if a third party messaged both girls on the same message, or if both girls are on a group chat somewhere - and the same situation could happen again.

Is your daughter upset about it? It sounds like she didn't mention it to you and you discovered it yourself. If she's not upset, leave it. If she is, reassure her that it's routine (not "rude", nor personal) and she's got the result she wanted; the other girl won't message her deliberately or accidentally.

catfunk · 15/03/2022 21:01

She was just putting an end to it as requested by your daughter .... 11yo and 8yo are fine with it yet you're a fully grown adult creating a drama about it 😂

IamnotSethRogan · 15/03/2022 21:01

"AIBu?"

"Yes"

"No I'm not"

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Blackbird2020 · 15/03/2022 21:02

My daughter is 11. This woman is 30 odd. That's my point. Big difference

Maybe the mum should have messaged you directly. Then you could have both ‘taken it outside’ Grin

Look, sometimes in life people don’t behave perfectly, or the way YOU want them to behave, and yeah, it can be annoying. But you need to pick your battles because you’ve got a long road ahead of you if things like this tip you over to posting on MN…

Hopefully you’ve learnt, from reading the multitude of posts here, that your child’s message was a bit too blunt, and you can maybe help her choose better words as she grows (she’s only 11 after all).

Chocolattay · 15/03/2022 21:02

Get a grip. The mum has done the right thing here.

Why does your 11 year old have the phone number of an 8 year old who she isn’t related to and who she only knows through a cousin?

If the mum hadn’t have stepped in they may have continued texting back and forth and both would end up upset.

You’re in the wrong, she was in the right.

Crunchymum · 15/03/2022 21:02

I judge you all to be honest.

Why are you fuming?

Why does an 8yo have a phone?

Why is your DD so invested in petty squabbling between the two girls and why is tour DD even in contact with the 8yo in question?

No-one comes off well here.

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