To think this is an unacceptable text to send to a child?

[skeeshgal]

My DD is 11, she has her own phone which I check regularly. Tonight I was going through her text messages and one of her cousin's friends who is 8 had text my DD last night. This particular friend is 'best friends' with my niece (DD's cousin) and they have had some falling outs as of late so my DD isn't particularly keen of her. The text exchange went as this -

Niece friend (8) - hi
DD (11) - stop you made my cousin cry so I don't want to talk to you thanks.
Niece friends mum (bloody 30 odd) - This is ** mum, my DD didn't mean to send you that. Deleting and blocking your number now.

I am absolutely fuming, my DD was polite enough - gave the girl a reason she didn't want to speak and said thank you. She is fair enough to say that. I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that. Being rude towards an 11 year old. Utterly pathetic.

AIBU??

I think that the text your DD sent was unacceptable to send to an 8 year old child, yes.

Tired of seeing 'Girls/women don't have to be nice/men are allowed to be horrid so why can't we?' used to encourage and justify poor behaviour. Speaking out in support of your own rights, defending yourself assertively, and not feeling the need to constantly prioritise other people over yourself to be 'nice', is what this means. It is not a free pass for any type of behaviour a girl or woman feels like inflicting on another person. These texts are nothing to do with feminism, it's just an older girl being mean to a younger one.

@5128gap

Tired of seeing 'Girls/women don't have to be nice/men are allowed to be horrid so why can't we?' used to encourage and justify poor behaviour. Speaking out in support of your own rights, defending yourself assertively, and not feeling the need to constantly prioritise other people over yourself to be 'nice', is what this means. It is not a free pass for any type of behaviour a girl or woman feels like inflicting on another person. These texts are nothing to do with feminism, it's just an older girl being mean to a younger one.

Absolutely this. (Said by an ardent feminist).

@imhereforthecake

Why does an 8 year old have a phone?---- Misses entire point of thread

And misses all the other people who have said the same thing

If my 8 year old got messages like that from an 11 year old I would do the same and just as politely as that mum did.

Your dd shouldn't have responded in that way to the 8 year old, and this is a lesson for her to learn.

However, the parent responded like a petulant brat. She's an adult talking to a child, and should have just blocked your DD's number without the drama. Or she could have responded by letting your dd know that her words had hurt her DD's feeling. But the way she responded makes her look like she's trying to get one up on an 11 year old. Very petty.

What do you expect when kids have mobile phones?

Your daughter was rude. The mum was polite, factual and responsible

Sounds quite polite to me. I expect her dd was upset, you don't know anything about the falling out and the friend might be more upset than your niece over it. The mum sounds like she was doing your dd a favour so that her daughter wouldn't call again. She probably mentioned it so your dd didn't think it was the friend doing the blocking. Who knows? I do know that your interpretation/frothing would be the last thing on my mind.

@LetHimHaveIt

'Again, you are expecting the 11yo to take a passive approach and wait to be blocked.'

'A passive approach' to deleting and blocking? Bloody hellfire. What a crew.

I'm* doing no such thing. I'm assuming the eleven year old has been blocked because the OP says the mother told her as much. The race to block and delete first - though clearly fascinating for you - is hardly the issue at hand, though.

Bizarre.

You’re saying the 11yo should not have responded to the 8yo.

But that it’s fine for the adult to tell the 11yo she is blocking her instead of er, just blocking her.

It’s not a race, it’s just hypocrisy on your part.

YABU to get so het up about a non issue, the girls DM is rightly overseeing her DDs phone & made sure her DD did as your DD asked, she then let your DD know it would be done as requested. Purely factual & anything else you tag into this is in your head/your DDs head.

Your DD is soon to be a teen, I suggest you go get yourself a much thicker skin & teach your DD the same or you or going to be in fir a hell of a ride over the next few years & will be embarrassing your DD with over reacting too

Chill out

@RockinHorseShit

YABU to get so het up about a non issue, the girls DM is rightly overseeing her DDs phone & made sure her DD did as your DD asked, she then let your DD know it would be done as requested. Purely factual & anything else you tag into this is in your head/your DDs head.

Your DD is soon to be a teen, I suggest you go get yourself a much thicker skin & teach your DD the same or you or going to be in fir a hell of a ride over the next few years & will be embarrassing your DD with over reacting too

Chill out

Not purely factual because she lied and said her child didn’t mean to text her.

Not purely factual because she lied and said her child didn’t mean to text her

Who's to say the 8yo didn't tell her mum that when her mum told her off for bugging an older girl with texts & then getting upset & crying to mum for the rebuff

@Thehop

I actually think your daughter was the rude one!

Exactly! If anything, your dd had no business inserting herself into an issue that did not involve her. And she was out of order speaking to an 8 year old this way. Adding please and thank you, is not being nice . Her mum stepped in to stop your rude daughter from sending those types of messages and rightly so!

YABU OP. I doubt you'll be back though. You've flounced because you've been told the truth. The woman was not rude. Your daughter was.

Not purely factual because she lied and said her child didn’t mean to text her.

How do you know she lied?

Your daughter told her she didn't want to speak to her at all and her mum then said her daughter wouldn't speak to her anymore. She got what she requested.

The mum only has her daughters side (e.g. she might have said I meant to text Emma not Ella) just as you only have your daughters side.

She wasn't rude or abrupt, she explained the situation and confirmed she's done something to ensure it doesn't happen again...

Her kid is 8. She either sent it by mistake or sent it on purpose because, you know, she's 8 and fancied sending a text. A one word text. A one word, non insulting, non rude text. This is a non event in the grand scheme.

Your daughter told her to stop. Her mum said ok and put in place something to make that happen, telling your daughter she had done so to draw a line under it.

Job done.

Teen years are going to be rough if you're fuming about this!

'But that it’s fine for the adult to tell the 11yo she is blocking her instead of er, just blocking her.'

Actually, I accept that. I think possibly the mum shouldn't have expressly told the eleven year old she was being blocked from her daughter's phone: I think that was probably unnecessary. Although I think it was coming from a place of 'best for everyone'.

I still think the eleven year old was rude, and that the OP is being ridiculously hyperbolic with her 'disgusted' and 'fuming' nonsense. And I still think your framing this as an eleven year old being 'silenced' by another mum who doesn't like pre-teens 'asserting themselves' (being rude) is bloody stupid.

If the mum was rude for sending a text to say she was blocking your dd rather than just doing it then your dd was rude to say she didn't want to all yo the 8yo instead of ignoring her messages. I know one in an adult and one is 11 but your DD's message is pretty direct (rude) Nobody can know the time either. Thank you could range from genuine (thank you for respecting my care quest) to sassy (in a "this is the end of discussion" way)

I think the mum was trying to make sure her DD (niece friend) did not contact your daughter again. As your daughter had asked. She could have been slightly friendlier, but I don't think she did anything very wrong.

If you feel dd11 is old enough for a phone then she is old enough to be told her number will be blocked. This woman wasn't swearing, rude, nasty infact she apologised because her dd had text then blocked so her dd couldn't text again stop making drama when there is no need for it.

The only way this can be possibly real is if the OP is in fact the 11-year-old

I don't think she was rude. I'd be pissed of my your DDs response to be honest and think that was rude!
She should have ignored her.