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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an unacceptable text to send to a child?

323 replies

skeeshgal · 15/03/2022 19:48

My DD is 11, she has her own phone which I check regularly. Tonight I was going through her text messages and one of her cousin's friends who is 8 had text my DD last night. This particular friend is 'best friends' with my niece (DD's cousin) and they have had some falling outs as of late so my DD isn't particularly keen of her. The text exchange went as this -

Niece friend (8) - hi
DD (11) - stop you made my cousin cry so I don't want to talk to you thanks.
Niece friends mum (bloody 30 odd) - This is ** mum, my DD didn't mean to send you that. Deleting and blocking your number now.

I am absolutely fuming, my DD was polite enough - gave the girl a reason she didn't want to speak and said thank you. She is fair enough to say that. I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that. Being rude towards an 11 year old. Utterly pathetic.

AIBU??

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 15/03/2022 23:45

your DD doesn;t want contact, the Mother has blocked, in case the 8yp doesn't get it - what's the problem?

3Daddy31982 · 15/03/2022 23:45

Op yabvvu.

Read How to win friends and influence people.

cherryonthecakes · 15/03/2022 23:47

Yes Yabu

Blocking and deleting is a good idea so her dd can't contact yours. You should see the message as reassurance that her dd won't be contacting yours in future.

Walkingalot · 15/03/2022 23:51

The 8 yr old hadn't actually fallen out with your DD though? I imagine it upset the girl to get a rude msg like that from your DD. The Mum stepped in and put a stop to it.

PinkGinBigGrin · 15/03/2022 23:58

The mum could've worded it better but was probably annoyed at your dd's response to an innocuous "hi" (as I would be - and maybe the mum doesn't know what's happened with your dd's cousin).

Your dd should've ideally ignored the message. But hey-ho she's only 11.

But the biggest thing I take from this is that primary age kids should not have mobile phones. What on earth are the parents thinking?

gonewiththegin · 16/03/2022 00:15

Your daughters text message was rude- adding thanks on the end doesn’t change that. There is a big difference between 8 and 11 and the mum was right to step in.

HippoRaine · 16/03/2022 00:37

Haha yes of course you are

LovePoppy · 16/03/2022 00:46

@skeeshgal

Why did she need to say to an 11 year old that she was deleting and blocking her number? Why not just do it if not to cause upset?
Why did your child need to involve herself in an argument her cousin is having?

At least in this case the mother was right to be involved

WomanStanleyWoman · 16/03/2022 00:50

You only care that the mother replied with the ‘blocked and deleted’ message because you wanted your daughter to have the last word. THAT’S why you’re fuming. Your outrage at this mother ‘inserting herself’ into her daughter’s texts doesn’t wash when you yourself look through your older daughter’s messages.

Still, by morning I imagine you’ll have had a severe attack of ‘privacy concerns’ and won’t have to read any more disagreement.

Rno3gfr · 16/03/2022 00:59

Haha wow what an overreaction from you. Your daughter was blunt to a child 3 years younger than her, the child’s mother was blunt back to your pre-teen. No more messaging and your daughter didn’t want contact with her anyway. The issue was sorted swiftly. Grow a thicker skin or else the teen years are going to be hell for you.

Flickflak · 16/03/2022 01:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Aldilogue · 16/03/2022 01:11

I read my 13 year olds messages last night and found that a boy was sending her photos of a couple having sex.
I messaged him saying who I was and if he sends her anything like that again he will be blocked.

Ikeptgoing · 16/03/2022 01:27

YABU OP

I would have done the same.
Her DD is 8 and I'd want to stop it escalating, so would block and delete your DDs number too. What else can she do? You're DD said she didn't want to hear from her DD.

I'd also be unhappy my DD was texting a much older girl whose reply indicated any of them were involved in any kind of drama.

I'd want to ask my DD what she'd been talking about - but that would be a quiet conversation.

I'd suggest my DD stayed away iRL from yours & the cousin too. There's no judgement there but clearly something happened and usually it's a bit of everyone contributing.

It sounds like you kind of feel you want the last word rather than taking the bigger parental picture.

lborgia · 16/03/2022 01:44

@skeeshgal

My daughter is 11. This woman is 30 odd. That's my point. Big difference
Your daughter is 11, and the girl was 8. Relatively also a very big difference. Your daughter was very harsh. But given your reaction I’m not really surprised.

YABU.

Midlifemusings · 16/03/2022 01:58

I don't even get why youa re upset. The child is 8 and said hi. That was it. There is nothing rude or offensive about a child saying hi. The response she got back from your daughter was pretty rude. Your daughter should learn better text etiquette skills. I hve no idea if there was some complicated back story where the adults had agreed that the girls shouldn't be communicating? Otherwise, I don't get why your child responded Stop and I don't want to talk to you.

Of course her mother is checking her phone. The child is 8. The mother saw your daughter's response and this clearly is not a healthy or respectful exchange so she let your daughter know that since she doesn't wish to be in contact with the 8 year old she is deleting her number as that will keep the 8 year old from contacting her again.

At least there was one adult involved. The only rude person here is your daughter.

PinkSyCo · 16/03/2022 02:11

But the little girl’s mum wasn’t nearly as rude as your DD was to her DD. I’m confused.

Aibu2bangry · 16/03/2022 03:17

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Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

LadyPropane · 16/03/2022 03:38

Or just needing to have an egg (which means absolute vile torture to even free range chicken).

Entirely depends on where your eggs come from. Mine come from my back yard. No torturing going on there.

LadyPropane · 16/03/2022 03:50

Wrong thread 🙄 sorry everyone

EIisheva · 16/03/2022 04:05

Such a trifling thing to get all riled up about

I imagine you’d have done the same if your dad had received wives a text like that who cares? Just so petty and trivial

ilovepuppies2019 · 16/03/2022 04:56

The Mum's response was blunt and I think that it would have been preferably is she had written a longer message with a gentler tone. The DM needed to remember that she was talking to a child and keep the interaction gentler. I agree that it cast some blame on your DD but I think that your DD has a share of the responsibility. She spoke very curtly to a younger child and by saying 'made' her cousin cry she blamed the younger girl. Perhaps this fight been the cousin and the younger DD was instigated by the cousin and the younger DD was actually the one crying. Your DD really doesn't know the details. She blamed a young girl and was very curt her response. Tacking thank you on the end doesn't make it better. The other DM was absolutely right to delete the number and, probably, block the number to ensure that your DD didn't message again and upset her DD (I realise that you think your DD would never do this but that DM is protecting her DD as she should).
The takeaway from this is to talk to your DD about how to shut down conversations with people of different ages. Your DD shouldn't be accusing young children of things that can be very hurtful.

SquirrelG · 16/03/2022 04:57

You are being ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with the text, and I agree the Mum did the right thing. Your daughter was the one being rude.

Momijin · 16/03/2022 05:06

I agree with you. She could have said it more nicely!

5zeds · 16/03/2022 05:36

Nothing happened that should upset you. Some people stated what they were doing. Nothing happened.

Luciea19 · 16/03/2022 05:45

It sounds to me like the 8 year old was upset at falling out with her friend. Then your daughter got involved.
They are all young. Personally I wouldn’t give an 8 year old a phone. I have messaged another child and her mum separately when my daughter was being picked on, on what’s app. The child was acting as a go between to an unkind child upsetting my dd. I would do it again. Maybe the mum should have messaged you too.