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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an unacceptable text to send to a child?

323 replies

skeeshgal · 15/03/2022 19:48

My DD is 11, she has her own phone which I check regularly. Tonight I was going through her text messages and one of her cousin's friends who is 8 had text my DD last night. This particular friend is 'best friends' with my niece (DD's cousin) and they have had some falling outs as of late so my DD isn't particularly keen of her. The text exchange went as this -

Niece friend (8) - hi
DD (11) - stop you made my cousin cry so I don't want to talk to you thanks.
Niece friends mum (bloody 30 odd) - This is ** mum, my DD didn't mean to send you that. Deleting and blocking your number now.

I am absolutely fuming, my DD was polite enough - gave the girl a reason she didn't want to speak and said thank you. She is fair enough to say that. I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that. Being rude towards an 11 year old. Utterly pathetic.

AIBU??

OP posts:
coeliacsucks · 15/03/2022 21:21

Utterly pathetic indeed OP

Littlepaws18 · 15/03/2022 21:22

I am utterly dreading the day my daughter asks for a phone. They are not toys, they require a level of social skills a child doesn't possess, can be dangerous if used wrongly. Arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

She can have one when she's 30!

worriedatthistime · 15/03/2022 21:23

No issue at all the mum wasn't rude maybe just protecting her 8 year old

NotNotNotMyName · 15/03/2022 21:23

The other girl only said “hi” ffs and your DD dragged up issues between cousin and the friend. If she really didn’t want to talk to her she should have just ignored the message but I think there’s more to this.

The other mum was totally right to block your DD. Regardless of what’s gone on between her cousin and her friend, your DD was actually rude herself in bringing it up and to be frank sounds like a right old shit-stirring drama lama.

Cognoscenti · 15/03/2022 21:23

So your daughter didn't want contact, the other mum ensured no more contact could be made... Seems fine to me.

worriedatthistime · 15/03/2022 21:24

What about how your elder daughter spoke to an 8! Year old

Willyoujustbequiet · 15/03/2022 21:25

You're just mad you didn't get the last word.

Your dd was the rude one.

Queeniepies · 15/03/2022 21:25

Your daughter may also have stirred up trouble between the two 8 year olds. She only hears her cousins side of the story, and 8 year olds fall in and out all the time without it becoming a 'thing'. Your daughter has probably made it into an issue now

feliciabirthgiver · 15/03/2022 21:26

Yabu

worriedatthistime · 15/03/2022 21:26

@FAQs yes i noticed that

NotNotNotMyName · 15/03/2022 21:26

Also the other girl is 3 years younger than your daughter - She should have know better!

worriedatthistime · 15/03/2022 21:29

your daughter is 11 the other child is 8 big difference also and she wasn't that nice to an 8!year old , its not even her argument
The mother apologised for her daughter contacting and is now preventing it happening again
All but one person disagrees with you

HemanOrSheRa · 15/03/2022 21:29

@Willyoujustbequiet

You're just mad you didn't get the last word.

Your dd was the rude one.

That's what I reckon. OP wanted to be the one to block and delete in a flurry of fume and disgust.
Fossilsmorefossils · 15/03/2022 21:30

@Turningpurple

I take that as 'I am making sure my dd can no longer contact you' because that's what your dd said she wanted.
I also interpret it like that
ChoiceMummy · 15/03/2022 21:30

Shame there aren't more mothers like her tbh who take the mobile usage of their children seriously.

It's no longer appropriate for this child to have your child's number. So situation resolved.

If you don't like this world, then you need to remove your child's mobile until she's mature enough to deal with such issues.

Chocolattay · 15/03/2022 21:32

I still don’t understand why these children have each other’s numbers.

I’m guessing the cousin (before the fallout with her friends) wanted the 3 of them to have a little group?

I think your DD was unnecessarily nasty to a girl who she knows is a lot younger. I can see why her mum just wanted to put a stop to it.

Piggy42 · 15/03/2022 21:33

I don’t think your dd was wrong but equally neither was the mum. Surely she was just saying her dd wouldn’t contact yours again?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/03/2022 21:35

@ItsLisaLou

YABU.

But also, you read all your daughter’s messages??? She’s 11 and presumably in secondary school, bit creepy.

Quite right that a parent should read an 11 year old's messages. They are a child at that age and can make mistakes and errors of judgement. As has happened here.
DropYourSword · 15/03/2022 21:36

I don't see the Mums actually done anything wrong here.
Your daughter asked this girl to stop and this mum has explained that she will delete and block the number so she will be very unlikely to text in the future.
I think you're overreacting. You can easily explain this to your daughter as a positive - she gets the desired end result. If you don't choose to do that, it's on you.
It seems a bit silly to be "fuming" about it.

lap90 · 15/03/2022 21:36

Can't see the issue... your DD told the girl to 'stop' and doesn't want to talk to her. Mum is helping this by blocking and deleting number.

EthelTheAardvark · 15/03/2022 21:37

I don't think you can really give your daughter credit for saying "thanks". She didn't mean it, did she? After all, there can't have been anything she felt she needed to thank the other child for.

Bournetilly · 15/03/2022 21:38

YABU your daughter wasn’t exactly nice to an 8 year old either, the mum was just looking out for her daughter

venusmay · 15/03/2022 21:39

8 year olds with phones is a bad idea. Some of the 7 year olds at ds school have iPhone and its completely ridiculous.

Calandor · 15/03/2022 21:40

You're being weird Op. it's fine. Your daughter was the rude one.

Plus you don't even know it wasn't the 8 year old pretending to be her mother.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/03/2022 21:43

You said that you regularly monitor your child’s phone but when did this happen? If your child didn’t react at the time I worry that you like to be outraged for the sake of it. It’s not good for you op.

It seems that the other girls mum is the only grown up taking appropriate action. Your child was unnecessarily rude, she could have simply ignored the text. Her age and lack of maturity around social interactions made her react inappropriately.

Both are too young to have phones (although I do understand that an 11 year old may ‘need’ one for the journey to/from school) and this brief glimpse into their conversation just confirms that.

You could have prevented this.

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