sick of lazy parents at soft play

[lazyeffers16]

took my 11 month old to soft play today and YET AGAIN an older child (about 4ish) came in the under 2 section and tried to literally pick her up while she was playing. everytime i come i seem to have a kid come over and try to drag her or throw a ball pit ball off her head etc and there never seems to be a parent in sight?! wtf?? i tell them no myself (as in ‘no, don’t pick her up please/throw things at her/get off her please’) but am waiting for the day they go crying to mummy. aibu here? don’t understand where their parents disappear to

@Sceptre86

You will get loads of parents on here saying the joy of softplay is that the kids don't need to be followed but can be left to play, this sorts will be glued to their phones eg. my husband. Mine are 4 and 5 and I still go in with them periodically to check they are OK, one has gross motor issues so still needs encouragement and sometimes help. If you are the only adult in there you will attract other kids to you, it can be annoying. My 4 year old knows not to try to pick his 6 month old baby sister up but he is a typical 4 year old and has no sense of danger. I would be watching to make sure he didn't go in the baby section.

My 7yr old still loves soft play and doesn't need to be supervised. Those times are the only times I get to reply to emails, do my online food shop, pay bills etc as the rest of the time it's full on (she's temporarily being home schooled and whenever we're not learning, I'm either doing housework or being dragged into a Lego building session or visiting Barbie's Dreamhouse 🙄🤣) Thankfully in 7 years (2/3 years of her going in on her own) I've never experienced her misbehaving or had any complaints about her. She saves her bad behaviour for me!! No joke! This isn't any kind of 'brag' about having a well behaved child as she has me in tears at home, regularly. All I'm saying is please do not stereotype & judge every parent who is sat on their phone at soft play. It may be THE only chance they get for a break and it does not necessarily mean that their child is being a little sh-t

so is it really that hard to say 'This area is just for babies' or 'careful, she's only little' to an older child every so often? I know that you think that their parents are lazy, but they are genuinely just giving their children age appropriate freedom in a safe place, and there's no reason to believe that they will take offence if you have to remind their kids of the rules

I understand what you're saying, but why is it my job to remind someone else's kid of the rules? That's the parent's job, and also arguably the staff, which is another bugbear of mine - why have age restrictions if you're not going to enforce them?

Being too rough in the baby area is not "age appropriate freedom in a safe place". Nobody here is particularly bothered about 6 year olds going down the baby slides, what we're bothered about is those older children actively hurting the younger ones and/or preventing them from using the equipment/toys that are made for them.

If that's happening, the parents (in my opinion) don't have the right to just sit back with a coffee and tell themselves it's the circle of life - they need to step in and reinforce the rules with their kid.

@Rainsunrainsun

I agree about older kids in the baby section. That used to annoy me too.

But, I think the point of soft play is that it’s a place kids get to run off and play unattended. It’s basically the only space that’s possible. I think kids need that. Important to learn about risk taking and negotiating with other kids without parents getting involved.

But also that their adults should be keeping a general eye out and not purposefully ignoring bad behaviour that is impacting on others. Preferably while maintaining a distance and not actually clambering through the soft play.

There is some kind of middle ground here.

THIS!!!!!!!!! As I mentioned, my child is temporarily home schooled and so soft play is the only chance she gets to interact with other children without adults lording over them. Especially an only child like my DD.

You don't have to crash round with your kid. You have to watch your kid though. If you see your kid leave the big part and enter the baby part then you need to go get them. If you see them blocking the slide you need to go tell them off. If you see them throwing things at other kids you need to go stop them.

The problem is that the kids that behave worst are the kids whose parents can't be arsed to parent them.

for example of what i mean:

i went to a tiny soft play last week - literally tiny, you can see every part of it from the cafe. babies in under 2 section, girl about 4/5 years old kept pushing them while they were crawling, tried to slide down the steps while my baby was climbing up them, throwing soft play cube things at the babies. her dad was sat on his laptop totally ignoring the whole thing. there was no way he could miss it - in fact he was well aware because there were occasional chimes of. “claudia.. nooo” all while not looking up from his laptop and doing absolutely nothing to actually stop her behaviour

how is that fair on the under 2’s parents?

@Thasheblows88

A dangerous situation can be easily dealt with by returning the child to the parent or similar. If people stopped acting the martyr (and yes, it usually is, as they complain about "having to" supervise them), then maybe the piss-taking parents would behave a bit more responsibly

But you are saying they "have to" return the unsupervised child to their parents though? Seriously, why should they? It's a pain to have to do this when you are supervising your own dc, and when it's not immediately obvious in the first place who or where the parents are!

So yes we will have to agree to disagree.

And I can guarantee on Mumsnet when a poster accuses others of "being martyrs" it's actually about someone having to do more than their fair share because someone else (a bloke who doesn't do enough housework, a fellow school mum who doesn't do enough drop offs, or a parent who doesnt supervise their dc properly in public spaces) is being a cf!

But you are saying they "have to" return the unsupervised child to their parents though? Seriously, why should they? It's a pain to have to do this when you are supervising your own dc, and when it's not immediately obvious in the first place who or where the parents are!

No they don't have to return them but if they don't want to just ignore the situation, that is one of their options. If you don't know who the parents are, hand them over to staff to deal with. It's an even bigger pain to change your plans for the day because you have decided to take on someone else's responsibilities.

And I can guarantee on Mumsnet when a poster accuses others of "being martyrs" it's actually about someone having to do more than their fair share because someone else (a bloke who doesn't do enough housework, a fellow school mum who doesn't do enough drop offs, or a parent who doesnt supervise their dc properly in public spaces) is being a cf!

And yes, I agree that when someone is accused of being a martyr it is usually because someone else is being a cf. However, them believing they have to compensate for the cf behaviour is what results in the martyr behaviour. They don't have to take over the responsibility of the cf. They choose to and then usually complain about it.

@takealettermsjones

so is it really that hard to say 'This area is just for babies' or 'careful, she's only little' to an older child every so often? I know that you think that their parents are lazy, but they are genuinely just giving their children age appropriate freedom in a safe place, and there's no reason to believe that they will take offence if you have to remind their kids of the rules

I understand what you're saying, but why is it my job to remind someone else's kid of the rules? That's the parent's job, and also arguably the staff, which is another bugbear of mine - why have age restrictions if you're not going to enforce them?

Being too rough in the baby area is not "age appropriate freedom in a safe place". Nobody here is particularly bothered about 6 year olds going down the baby slides, what we're bothered about is those older children actively hurting the younger ones and/or preventing them from using the equipment/toys that are made for them.

If that's happening, the parents (in my opinion) don't have the right to just sit back with a coffee and tell themselves it's the circle of life - they need to step in and reinforce the rules with their kid.

yes!!

@JudgeJ Whilst that's funny and pretty accurate - I do raise my voice at my child if absolutely necessary and have yelled briefly today. However your DH was bang out of order to lose his temper at other people's children. They would've been terrified, not knowing how far this strange man would go. I'm not defending the little sh-ts! Or their awful behaviour. But adults should lead by example. Terrifying children isn't the way to go about anything.
Does he usually have an anger problem?

When my dcs were 4 I used to regularly to soft play with them. I didn't follow them round and often they went into the baby section. No problems though, I'd go and check in on them and they'd be sat showing the babies a toy or helping them. I think it's really down to the way children are parented.

Oh god. If you’ve got this attitude you’re going to go mad in these soft plays. If you go to them you do need to be prepared to deal with other peoples kids on occasion. It doesn’t matter what you think their parents should or shouldn’t do. There always seems to be 1 and they’re not going to change for you. What you can change is your choice of play gym or your choice not to go to a play gym at all and do an alternative activity

Top tips :
Some play gyms are better than others so pick carefully.
Also with a baby you can go during school hours which significantly reduces the older children problem.
Also look out for soft plays for under 5s only which are designed to help with this specific issue.
If you’re in the baby area don’t hesitate to ask older children to leave and ask staff to deal with it if they don’t.
Alternatively just don’t go. I know plenty of parents who can’t stand them and therefore just stick to other activities.

My DCs are 18 and 20, so it's a while since I had to endure a soft play, but it sounds as though little has changed (except mobile phones!).

There was a local soft play which I avoided like the plague because they had a bar, so it attracted every irresponsible parent in the area who wanted to leave their lovely offspring to it whilst they got pissed. Not sure if they are allowed to have bars nowadays, but it was hell.

I'm sure I read on Mumsnet a few years ago someone describing soft play as the 8th circle of hell. Which I agree with!

@takealettermsjones

so is it really that hard to say 'This area is just for babies' or 'careful, she's only little' to an older child every so often? I know that you think that their parents are lazy, but they are genuinely just giving their children age appropriate freedom in a safe place, and there's no reason to believe that they will take offence if you have to remind their kids of the rules

I understand what you're saying, but why is it my job to remind someone else's kid of the rules? That's the parent's job, and also arguably the staff, which is another bugbear of mine - why have age restrictions if you're not going to enforce them?

Being too rough in the baby area is not "age appropriate freedom in a safe place". Nobody here is particularly bothered about 6 year olds going down the baby slides, what we're bothered about is those older children actively hurting the younger ones and/or preventing them from using the equipment/toys that are made for them.

If that's happening, the parents (in my opinion) don't have the right to just sit back with a coffee and tell themselves it's the circle of life - they need to step in and reinforce the rules with their kid.

Because you're there, looking after your small child, and it comes with the territory in the same way that you would be encouraging turn-taking, gentle hands etc with children who are in the age-appropriate area. And in the same way that parents of older kids will often help a younger one if they are lost, climbing up the slide as someone's coming down etc.

It also depends on the set-up of the individual soft play, but there are a couple of places local to me where the best view of the main play frame doesn't cover the exit closest to the toddler area, plus you have to walk past the toddler section to get to other activities, so there is plenty of opportunity for a larger, but still impulsive and poor at judging their own strength, child to wander into the wrong area for a bit even if the parents are trying to keep an eye.

There's a broad range of behaviour that could be utterly fine under most circumstances but dangerous in the wrong place and it takes kids a long time to learn when and where they can let loose, especially when they are at the age where they are the youngest in the big kids' bit, but still too big for the baby/toddler area.

Plus, I think it's extra annoying when you think that the parents just aren't bothered, whereas parents with more than one child might be taking one to the loo, breastfeeding a baby sibling, dealing with any number of things rather than just ignoring their kids.

I totally appreciate both sides in these kinds of situations though and perhaps I've just been lucky that I've always felt able to gently enforce rules with other people's children and been happy when others have done the same with mine.

“the entire point of soft play is for kids to have fun, not for the parents to get a break.”

Nope- for me the point is for the children to run off some energy while I get a coffee. There are lots of other places we can have fun together. They need some independence and what could be better than a caged in-soft/walled play frame? Mine are well behaved children who wouldn’t be spoiling it for others though and I’d tell them to leave the baby area if I saw them in there.

It is not a break when you have under 3s. Soft play is hard work with babies and toddlers and you have to be ultra protective of them as really it’s not been designed for them to be in there with big kids running around. At that age I’d see if there were any toddler soft plays operating in halls. There was one like that near me and it was much better for that age than the big frames.

Even idiots can have kids, and they do.

Letting a 3 year old run around on their own is ok (personally I keep an eye out) but I once had a 1 year old follow me round for almost the whole session and I couldn't find a guardian to let them know they had a dirty nappy. Who abandons a baby in a soft play?!

Soft play should be re~named ''Thug play''.

There was a case a good few years ago of a little toddler who was bitten very badly by two brothers at one of these ''rowdy'' centres.
There really does need to be strict age /sizesegregation, for safety, I think.

Aw OP you have my sympathies, I'm in the thick of it just now with my nearly 2 year old. Thankfully she's becoming more robust and confident now but when she was younger she was quite timid and wouldn't play in the baby bit at all if there were big boisterous kids there, she would just crawl out and try to leave. It took ages to get her confidence up.
Supervising your kids doesn't mean following them around on all the frames, just being aware of where they are and what they're doing, and intervening if they're doing something they shouldn't. Soft play isn't designed to be childcare while you have a coffee or do your personal admin, wtf!

@lazyeffers16

for example of what i mean:

i went to a tiny soft play last week - literally tiny, you can see every part of it from the cafe. babies in under 2 section, girl about 4/5 years old kept pushing them while they were crawling, tried to slide down the steps while my baby was climbing up them, throwing soft play cube things at the babies. her dad was sat on his laptop totally ignoring the whole thing. there was no way he could miss it - in fact he was well aware because there were occasional chimes of. “claudia.. nooo” all while not looking up from his laptop and doing absolutely nothing to actually stop her behaviour

how is that fair on the under 2’s parents?

Hand Claudia a bottle of water & suggest she goes and cleans Daddy's laptop for him 🤣

I have no problem telling kids off - if their 'grown up' doesn't like it - tough!!
Mind you I live in a nice area, I might not be so unbothered about it if I lived somewhere I was likely to get a thump! 😵‍💫

When mine were 1 and under I rarely went why was the point when I could still go where I wanted and they quite happily came along in the buggy. I now love taking my nearly 4 year old as me and my mum friends get a coffee in peace we do watch them but no way going in there with them as they can do it themselves now! Mine is good though and doesn’t go in the baby bit but if he does I go and get him and send him on his way to a more exciting big kid bit! When I did go when mine were babies more so my son as my daughter was older I used to sit with him and it was quite easy to pick him up if an older child was being a bit too bosturious etc…it never bothered me as young children are feral and I’m more of the nature let them run wild and if you chose to take a baby there supervise the baby to avoid accidents!

I get it. It pisses me off too. When we go other peoples kids want me to play with them which I don’t mind but not for 2 hours whilst I see there parents sat down on their phone relaxing. To some it’s cheap childcare

If you expect to be somewhere civilised...don't go to softplay. 🤣🤣

@DysmalRadius Yes I think you have been lucky. When I was younger I worked at a soft play and we regularly got abused by parents when we (very nicely and politely) enforced rules. And that was us, the staff, who were meant to be in charge. As a random parent at a soft play I have no authority over other people's children and I just don't need that kind of hassle, so I won't deal with them, unless someone is in immediate danger.
Sorry but it's parents' responsibility to supervise all of their children, if they can't do that then they need to bring someone along to help, or whatever else is needed, not dump the responsibility on strangers.

No they don't have to return them but if they don't want to just ignore the situation, that is one of their options. If you don't know who the parents are, hand them over to staff to deal with. It's an even bigger pain to change your plans for the day because you have decided to take on someone else's responsibilities.

And again it's the parent who is present looking after their own dc who is forced to consider someone else's child, when they shouldn't have to if the other parents were doing their job! It's plain lazy! And yes in theory we can all go around ignoring other people's children - it would be a lot easier frankly - but it's not always practical when that child is repeatedly demanding your attention, taking your child's toy away from them, or hitting your child (all of which I have experienced in rl). It just doesn't work the way you describe in reality.

And it's still a pita having to get the attention of staff or search for missing parents. So don't please keep blaming the parents who are there, keeping an eye on their dc, doing their job!

And those posters saying that soft play is designed to give the parents a break, why are there signs all over the place saying that dc are the responsibility of their parents?

I only do large soft play centres with DS either 9am session or during term time... Actually our local one does an after school session which is relatively quiet. Usually I'm at work so tend to book smaller ones aimed at age 6 and under.
I decided long ago I can't stand the chaos.

@DysmalRadius Again I take your point but I don't believe that it is my job just "because I'm there," any more than it would be my job to clean up their sick or take them to the loo etc.

And it's great that you've been able to deal with these experiences by just saying "this area isn't for babies" etc, but the reality is that a lot of the time, that doesn't work. If it did I genuinely would not be complaining.

What I'm talking about (and I believe a lot of others are too) is the kind of situation where you have said to little Arabella "this area is for babies," "please don't jump on my child," "we don't throw our shoes!!" repeatedly and got blank looks, giggles or complete disregard in response. At that point I'm looking around for a) a parent or b) a member of staff.

I am well aware that it's not always easy, especially with multiple kids, but unfortunately it's the parents' job.