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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sick of lazy parents at soft play

267 replies

lazyeffers16 · 15/03/2022 18:54

took my 11 month old to soft play today and YET AGAIN an older child (about 4ish) came in the under 2 section and tried to literally pick her up while she was playing. everytime i come i seem to have a kid come over and try to drag her or throw a ball pit ball off her head etc and there never seems to be a parent in sight?! wtf?? i tell them no myself (as in ‘no, don’t pick her up please/throw things at her/get off her please’) but am waiting for the day they go crying to mummy. aibu here? don’t understand where their parents disappear to

OP posts:
IWasFunBeforeMum · 15/03/2022 19:54

I don't visit them anymore for this reason

Thasheblows88 · 15/03/2022 19:54

I'm sorry but you were being a total mug unless the parents were friends of yours and you had agreed to take it in turns to watch all the kids. You chose to take on the responsibility and play the martyr. You could have equally chosen not to take on the responsibility and done your own thing.

Sorry but I really hate this attitude. Blame the person who is doing someone else a kindness rather than the parent who shirks their responsibilities!

Bunnycat101 · 15/03/2022 19:55

There is no way I’m going in the softplay with my 5yo to be honest. That sounds hellish and she doesn’t want to play with me. She wants to make up princess games with other likeminded 5yos. My 3yo is on the cusp of being able to go into some of the smaller ones alone. Another 6 months and she’ll be fine. I don’t go to softplay to interact with my children. There are far nicer places to do that.

I think you have to expect children will be unsupervised and running around. The older kids should definitely not be in the baby area though if there are little ones in there and I have told older ones that the area is for babies and they’re too old and I’d similarly expect mine to be told off if they went in the under 2s bit.

gluteustothemaximus · 15/03/2022 19:56

But theres always some brat whos kicking, pushing or being too boisterous that the parents cant be bothered to parent, hence the parents of little ones having to follow theirs around.

Exactly this.

WelshyMaud · 15/03/2022 19:56

Give it 3 and a bit years and there will be someone somewhere moaning about your huge/boisterous/unruly 4 year old at softplay 😂

'Big' kids go in the baby bit when they shouldn't. It's always happened at every soft play I've been to. Just kick them out, kindly but firmly - job done.

I periodically check on my 4 year old at soft play but largely, I don't know what he's up to in there for several minutes at a time. He gets reminded of the rules before he goes in - don't go in the baby bit, no pushing, play nicely, if anyone pushes or is mean or you get hurt, come tell mummy, you're not allowed on the big slide as that's for big kids (vertical drop, they have a staff member on it but I tell him anyway!). But he's then free to roam.

Unless you follow them closely, you just have to trust them to behave. Sometimes they probably don't, such is life. I don't know anyone that follows their 4 year old around supervising them constantly at soft play.

ZenNudist · 15/03/2022 20:00

If you want to take such a young child to soft play you'd obviously stay with them and look after them. Meanwhile the 4 year old get the run of the place. When your dc is 4 you will be able to get to cup of tea whilst child plays. That's the entire point of soft play.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/03/2022 20:01

@Thasheblows88

I'm sorry but you were being a total mug unless the parents were friends of yours and you had agreed to take it in turns to watch all the kids. You chose to take on the responsibility and play the martyr. You could have equally chosen not to take on the responsibility and done your own thing.

Sorry but I really hate this attitude. Blame the person who is doing someone else a kindness rather than the parent who shirks their responsibilities!

Please point out where I said the behaviour of the parents who were not supervising their children was acceptable? It wasn't. It was totally irresponsible and they should have been told to supervise them by the pool staff. However, their children were not the pp's responsibility. She chose to take on that responsibility and I think she was acting the martyr to change her plans in order to do so.
Shrekles20 · 15/03/2022 20:05

Its just an annoying part of soft play. In my local one it’s impossible to supervise the older kids 100 percent unless you climb up to all the high bits with them and into the tunnels and they are so fast they inevitably go out of sight for a while.

That’s why generally people don’t leave the younger babies / toddlers unsupervised as it’s a recipe for disaster.

It’s amazing at even such a young age you get some really horrible children who will happily push others out their way and hurt them, whereas you also get some lovely ones who help the younger ones out. Much like life I suppose.

Thasheblows88 · 15/03/2022 20:06

And btw there's a huge difference between crawling around after your dc and keeping an alert eye from the front, which is all that is required, following what is happening and being ready to intervene if there's a problem, rather than never looking up from their phone. Or, as I have seen being done, parents deliberately sitting with their backs to the caged area so they can eat a McDonald's without their DC seeing.

But for the sake of their argument, some posters here are exaggerating and accusing parents of "crawling around" after their DC, making them out to be neurotics, when in reality, I rarely see this happen. Many parents and grandparents at our local soft play watch from the front. And then there are the few who don't watch at all and expect and rely on everyone else keeping an eye out on their behalf, while they relax!

sweetbellyhigh · 15/03/2022 20:12

@busyeatingbiscuits

The whole point of soft play is that 4 year olds get to run off and play!

If they go in the wrong bit just send them nicely on their way.

I’d say an 11 month old is a bit too young for soft play anyway.

I'd agree that your baby doesn't need soft play.

Save yourself the angst!

MrsCremuel · 15/03/2022 20:14

I agree to the baby area though many I use are for under 5s so the kids allowed would be considerably bigger than you’re 11mo. The ball pit at mine is a particular hazard with 6yo hurling themselves in there.

But following 3yo+ kids around in the big bit unless they really need it is silly. How would everyone fit with the adults clogging it up? And isn’t the point independent play? Don’t check out completely obviously, be aware of where they are and what they’re doing but unless you’re kids a hazard, let them get in with it.

EezyOozy · 15/03/2022 20:16

I don't go to soft play for this reason. I went through a series of similar incidents;
older children in the baby section/young-toddler or section, throwing balls at my babies head, pushing my 12 month old off things because they wanted a turn (they were in the baby section). Generally I would just say to them "no, please don't push" etc, firmly but fairly whilst looking around for their parents. One time on mother came over and told me off for telling her son what to do! Another woman sat reading a book next to me, whilst her four or five-year-old boy threw balls at my baby's head. It was only when I told him to stop and that he needed to leave the baby ball pool, that she came over and said "I'm his mother I'll deal with him". I decided I just couldn't deal with this level of stupid and ceased going to soft play. It will never change Op.

Thasheblows88 · 15/03/2022 20:16

Please point out where I said the behaviour of the parents who were not supervising their children was acceptable? It wasn't. It was totally irresponsible and they should have been told to supervise them by the pool staff. However, their children were not the pp's responsibility. She chose to take on that responsibility and I think she was acting the martyr to change her plans in order to do so.

A massive back track there OchonAgusOchonOh!

The whole point is that when parents don't supervise their own DC, other parents sometimes have no choice but to intervene, to stop a child getting hurt for example, or at the very least they are forced to make an uncomfortable choice between ignoring and potentially upsetting the other person's child, or playing with, and supervising them. It's CF territory I'm afraid!

takealettermsjones · 15/03/2022 20:17

Oh my goodness yes, this is an absolute pet hate and I'm so glad to read others agreeing! It's so annoying when the rowdy older kids want to be in the baby bit. I absolutely don't mind if they're being friendly etc but it's always the ones who want to jump on the squishy blocks, attempt backflips, throw balls and toys at the babies' heads.

Sorry but the point of soft play is not so that adults can stop parenting for a while, it's to entertain the children. You still need to parent them! And in most of the ones I've seen, the baby bit is separate from the main bit i.e. they have to go through a door/gate to get in the baby area, or sometimes even cross the whole room. If your chair is angled right you will see if your child goes across! It doesn't mean you have to follow them around.

I recently came across two girls about 7-8 sitting on a squashy boat (?) type thing in the middle of the baby slide. The boat was as big as the slide so obviously didn't move. None of the babies could go down the slide because they were blocking it. I politely asked them to move several times and got eye rolls, sighs, and a laconic "we're stuck." I was taken over by the spirit of Luisa from Encanto and said I can help with that and lifted them off, boat and all Grin (thanks Ghost Luisa!)

Chasingaftermidnight · 15/03/2022 20:18

To be honest I find the parents who take babies to soft plays and sit around scowling at any toddler who dares come near their PFB the most annoying breed.

Blimpop · 15/03/2022 20:21

I hate soft play. It's definitely one of the places children realise there are twats in the world. Just get your tin hat on defend your child.

takealettermsjones · 15/03/2022 20:21

@Chasingaftermidnight

To be honest I find the parents who take babies to soft plays and sit around scowling at any toddler who dares come near their PFB the most annoying breed.
Yeah heaven forbid they'd take their crawling babies to a place where they can crawl around and develop their gross motor skills, in a purpose-built area specifically designed for their age, in a post-covid world where lots of activities are reduced or gone... Terrible behaviour. Grin
NeedAHoliday2021 · 15/03/2022 20:21

Oh god you’ve brought back memories of me sitting at the top of a massive slide after a group of boys climbed over my 2yo twins (they were about 8). I ended up being the side police so everyone got a turn without the pushing and violence. By 8 I’d stopped watching that much but if you know your dc is a thug/biter etc you can’t be lazy! Dd2 was a biter pre 4 and I never took my eyes off her (she actually only ever bit her sister but I didn’t want to risk it).

EezyOozy · 15/03/2022 20:22

Sorry but the point of soft play is not so that adults can stop parenting for a while, it's to entertain the children. You still need to parent them!

Yes!

Quincythequince · 15/03/2022 20:22

@Hawkins001

Tis a wonder, op, all the best
🤣🤣
NeedAHoliday2021 · 15/03/2022 20:22

Slide police not side

Goldbar · 15/03/2022 20:23

Older kids shouldn't be in the baby area. If I saw my 4yo in the baby area, I would pull them out of there.

But it's unreasonable to expect every parent to tail their child in the soft play frame. These structures are not designed for adults. If there are lots of slow-moving adults following their kids like lumbering elephants, the kids can't get through and play properly. Unless the frame is very quiet (in which case I do sometimes play with my DC in it), parents are best supervising from the side unless there is a problem. I prefer soft plays where I can vaguely track my child's location for that reason.

user1460377741 · 15/03/2022 20:26

@WelshyMaud

Give it 3 and a bit years and there will be someone somewhere moaning about your huge/boisterous/unruly 4 year old at softplay 😂

'Big' kids go in the baby bit when they shouldn't. It's always happened at every soft play I've been to. Just kick them out, kindly but firmly - job done.

I periodically check on my 4 year old at soft play but largely, I don't know what he's up to in there for several minutes at a time. He gets reminded of the rules before he goes in - don't go in the baby bit, no pushing, play nicely, if anyone pushes or is mean or you get hurt, come tell mummy, you're not allowed on the big slide as that's for big kids (vertical drop, they have a staff member on it but I tell him anyway!). But he's then free to roam.

Unless you follow them closely, you just have to trust them to behave. Sometimes they probably don't, such is life. I don't know anyone that follows their 4 year old around supervising them constantly at soft play.

This Smile I have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. There would no need to follow my 5 year old round a soft play but I would check in on her every 10 mins or so. I would have to keep an eye on my 3 year old as he has no fear and would happily throw himself off the top of a slide
Rainsunrainsun · 15/03/2022 20:26

I agree about older kids in the baby section. That used to annoy me too.

But, I think the point of soft play is that it’s a place kids get to run off and play unattended. It’s basically the only space that’s possible. I think kids need that. Important to learn about risk taking and negotiating with other kids without parents getting involved.

But also that their adults should be keeping a general eye out and not purposefully ignoring bad behaviour that is impacting on others. Preferably while maintaining a distance and not actually clambering through the soft play.

There is some kind of middle ground here.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/03/2022 20:27

@Thasheblows88

Please point out where I said the behaviour of the parents who were not supervising their children was acceptable? It wasn't. It was totally irresponsible and they should have been told to supervise them by the pool staff. However, their children were not the pp's responsibility. She chose to take on that responsibility and I think she was acting the martyr to change her plans in order to do so.

A massive back track there OchonAgusOchonOh!

The whole point is that when parents don't supervise their own DC, other parents sometimes have no choice but to intervene, to stop a child getting hurt for example, or at the very least they are forced to make an uncomfortable choice between ignoring and potentially upsetting the other person's child, or playing with, and supervising them. It's CF territory I'm afraid!

No back track at all. In my first post I really didn't think it was necessary to point out the kids' parents were acting irresponsibly. It was pretty obvious from what the pp had stated that they were.

However, their lack of responsibility is not the pp's problem. There is a massive difference between intervening to prevent an injury and staying in the area to supervise them even though you want to go for a walk. If they child is in danger, you can warn the child and correct their behaviour, tell their parent, tell the lifeguard (even if he is flirting), and then carry on with your day. Staying around to supervise them is being a martyr.

Equally if a child wants to play with you and you don't want to play with them, you just tell them to go back to their parents. If they get upset, they're really a bit over entitled and it's no harm for them to realise the world does not revolve around them.