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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who should pay?

166 replies

howtomoveforwards · 15/03/2022 18:10

I have a son who lives most of his time with his dad - this is a recent thing. He lived with me full time prior to this, with EOW at dad’s. Dad’s girlfriend’s’ daughter has sat on his glasses and broken them. This happened a week ago now. Nothing has been said to me and no one has taken son to look at either fixing them or getting a new pair. Son needs the glasses sooner rather than later - he can manage but he really does need them in school.

I have told son I will sort it one way or another at the weekend - my job is such that I finish after the optician closes or I would have taken him during the week. I pay no maintenance to ex for this child but ex equally pays nothing for the other child that lives with me (and never has paid).

Should it be me who does this and who should be paying?

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 15/03/2022 18:11

I think dad should as it was done under his supervision.

rainbowandglitter · 15/03/2022 18:14

Aren't children's glasses free on the NHS? My ds recently got some and they said if they get lost or broken they replace them for free

Original poster
howtomoveforwards · 15/03/2022 18:16

That’s a good point. I had to pay towards them because they were more than the nhs voucher but perhaps they will fix them. Hadn’t thought of that.

Still don’t really see why it should be me sorting it.

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/03/2022 18:17

I would say dad however as you've no formal financial arrangement perhaps split it? You could get into who lives where and whose fault it was but at the end of the day your DC needs the glasses and that is the priority.

Dawnofthefed · 15/03/2022 18:18

I don't think it matters as long as he gets glasses and as long as whoever buys them can afford to do so.

LittleOwl153 · 15/03/2022 18:22

If itndoesnt leave you short I'd just pay for them. Your son will know who is bothered about him by who sorts out this kind if thing for him.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 15/03/2022 18:25

Don't they get fixed for free as he's a child? DS' did.
If not it his dad's responsibility.

MintyFreshBreath · 15/03/2022 18:29

Technically speaking I’d say the dad should pay. I mean, who pays for similar things re the child who lives with you? End of the day though, if the dad is short, tight or just plain mean, I would pay because your DS is the priority. However if your ex won’t pay even though he has the money, I’d be worried that he isn’t treating your boy properly generally.

Dillydollydingdong · 15/03/2022 18:29

Does it really matter who pays for the glasses? He's your child as well as his dad's. The boy needs glasses ffs.

Original poster
howtomoveforwards · 15/03/2022 18:32

Oh it will be me that sorts it and my ex won’t be putting his hand in his pocket, I feel quite sure of that. I am just annoyed that once again, it is me that has to be inconvenienced when child no longer lives with me. And annoyed that if it was one of my children that had broken an essential ,piece of equipment, I’d have apologised and said how can I help sort it. Moreover, my children have just defended ex and girlfriend saying they were obviously busy at the weekend but see no reason why I might also not have the time to deal with it and seem utterly unable to comprehend that I have shit to do at the weekend too! Bah!

OP posts:
Original poster
howtomoveforwards · 15/03/2022 18:34

He's your child as well as his dad's

I paid for every fucking thing for said child for 13 years. I paid for the glasses. They were broken by a third party. Why do I have to pay to get them fixed now said child no longer lives with me?

OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpy · 15/03/2022 18:40

@howtomoveforwards

He's your child as well as his dad's

I paid for every fucking thing for said child for 13 years. I paid for the glasses. They were broken by a third party. Why do I have to pay to get them fixed now said child no longer lives with me?

And this is your own child ? Arguing over who gets to sort their own child’s glasses get them sorted op poor kid needs them .
Original poster
howtomoveforwards · 15/03/2022 18:43

Yes, poor kid needs them. He lives with his dad. A dad who has had 7 days now to get it sorted but I’m in the wrong?

OP posts:
AnneShirleysNewDress · 15/03/2022 18:44

If it helps I snapped my glasses frame last week. Called the opticians, they checked they had the same frame in stock and swapped the lenses over. Took about 10 minutes and cost around £10.00.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 15/03/2022 18:46

The owner of the arse that broke them surely should pay?

AChocolateOrangeaday · 15/03/2022 18:48

So you will let your child suffer to prove a point?

Just get them fixed ffs.

Notallcatsarenicecats · 15/03/2022 18:49

@howtomoveforwards

He's your child as well as his dad's

I paid for every fucking thing for said child for 13 years. I paid for the glasses. They were broken by a third party. Why do I have to pay to get them fixed now said child no longer lives with me?

You don't stop being a mother because your child doesn't live with you or maybe that's why he doesn't live with you anymore because you stopped being a mother!
Dancingonarainbow · 15/03/2022 18:50

His dad should pay morally , but I would if it wasn’t sorted quickly as I would know my child needed them . However , as previously posted by others , it should be free .

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 15/03/2022 18:51

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

The owner of the arse that broke them surely should pay?
Or the person that left them in a place they could be sat on? At 13 they are old enough to look after things properly.
Ponoka7 · 15/03/2022 18:57

So you've voiced this to your children? Why didn't you address it with their father without telling your son that you resent sorting him new glasses? I think his Dad should have done it, but your children shouldn't know about any argument.

Travis1 · 15/03/2022 18:59

He’s 13? And I’m assuming chosen to live with dad because the grass is greener? Dad should be sorting it.

AccidentalMindFuck · 15/03/2022 19:00

You’re his mother and you pay nothing toward him. If this was a man writing this you’d have been torn a new one. Pay for the glasses for your son!

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 15/03/2022 19:01

Specsavers opening hours are after school with a couple of late evenings if that's any help?

I know it is annoying for you, but it's your son. If your husband won't, just sort it yourself.

SafelySoftly · 15/03/2022 19:02

He’s your child!! I’d walk through fire for them. Your son is missing out, just pay for them!

HeckyPeck · 15/03/2022 19:03

You don't stop being a mother because your child doesn't live with you or maybe that's why he doesn't live with you anymore because you stopped being a mother!

How bloody rude!