To ask who should pay?

[howtomoveforwards]

I have a son who lives most of his time with his dad - this is a recent thing. He lived with me full time prior to this, with EOW at dad’s. Dad’s girlfriend’s’ daughter has sat on his glasses and broken them. This happened a week ago now. Nothing has been said to me and no one has taken son to look at either fixing them or getting a new pair. Son needs the glasses sooner rather than later - he can manage but he really does need them in school.

I have told son I will sort it one way or another at the weekend - my job is such that I finish after the optician closes or I would have taken him during the week. I pay no maintenance to ex for this child but ex equally pays nothing for the other child that lives with me (and never has paid).

Should it be me who does this and who should be paying?

And think twice about posting wrong information, which you then later corrected (so they are free then 🙄) in case someone reads this and thinks kids can’t get free glasses, when they clearly can.

And it doesn’t need to be a resident parent taking responsibility either! WTF are you on about??

No it isnt wrong. It isnt like you turn up with your under 18 pick out frames and lenses and then walk out because they are paid for.

The NHS offers a voucher towards them which covers basic lenses and frames. Yes they can get free glasses but within certain parameters.

I dont think either of us is wrong but you cannot simply say the NHS pays for glasses either - the NHS very clearly sets it out as a voucher option.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/opticians/nhs-voucher-values-for-glasses-and-lenses/

And if they are replaced

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/opticians/can-i-get-my-glasses-repaired-or-replaced-on-the-nhs/#:~:text=Children%20under%2016%20are%20entitled,they%20lose%20or%20damage%20them.

This voucher helps towards the cost of replacing or repairing your child's glasses or contact lenses if they lose or damage them.

Which implies to me there is a chance that you have to pay extra

Anyway the above is the correct NHS information

@Quincythequince

And it doesn’t need to be a resident parent taking responsibility either! WTF are you on about??

No it doesnt - but given they are the resident parent and they were broken on their watch they should be.

The fact that the OP thinks that she will be the one who does because her ex cant be bothered is an issue

OP, I get the frustration here. You said that DS needs the glasses for school. Get him a pair, and tell him to keep them at school, in his locker if he has one. Your ex can sort out glasses for TV / laptop watching at home. Or not.

@Theunamedcat

BECAUSE HES YOUR CHILD STILL.

Children are for life.. not just for 13 years !

Ffs. He needs glasses. His dads not going to do it so just do it!

She has already said she will pay but where does it end? You cannot have the responsibility of a child living with you and NOT FUCKING PAY

He needs to act like an ACTUAL PARENT not A MATE

Well if he ain’t Going to fucking pay then he ain’t going to pay. The OP can do nothing about that except look out & care for her kid and get them herself!

@Quartz2208

No it isnt wrong. It isnt like you turn up with your under 18 pick out frames and lenses and then walk out because they are paid for.

The NHS offers a voucher towards them which covers basic lenses and frames. Yes they can get free glasses but within certain parameters.

I dont think either of us is wrong but you cannot simply say the NHS pays for glasses either - the NHS very clearly sets it out as a voucher option.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/opticians/nhs-voucher-values-for-glasses-and-lenses/

And if they are replaced

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/opticians/can-i-get-my-glasses-repaired-or-replaced-on-the-nhs/#:~:text=Children%20under%2016%20are%20entitled,they%20lose%20or%20damage%20them.

This voucher helps towards the cost of replacing or repairing your child's glasses or contact lenses if they lose or damage them.

Which implies to me there is a chance that you have to pay extra

Anyway the above is the correct NHS information

Question: can children get sight correcting lenses for free on the NHS

Answer: Yes, they can.

All opticians should offer NHS covered glasses for children.

If they don’t, they can get them in.

The point being is, this doesn’t have to cost OP a penny.

So You are wrong!

And Of course you can’t get whichever ones you want - healthcare is going to pay for the Ted Baker ones now are they.

But does the NHS cover the cost for children - yes it does.

Can a child get glasses at no cost to a parent, yes they can.

And they say helps toward the cost in case you don’t want to get basic frames!

Did you miss the part where I said I have procured circa 40 pairs glasses for my boys, of differing quality.

Stop arguing for the sake of it.

quartz

It’s her son! Her child!

He can’t see properly.

What kind of a parent, person even, doesn’t think that should be sorted ASAP.

The dad is a lazy fool, yes. Nobody disputing that.

So your point is???

Your son is actually old ebough to remind his father about sorting out the glasses. He is 13 years old. Tell him nicely that it is his fathers responsibility to fix it and you can nicely tell his "remind" his dad too. If this is done and the father refuses then you can do it.

No it isnt wrong. It isnt like you turn up with your under 18 pick out frames and lenses and then walk out because they are paid for

You wouldn’t do that even if you were paying for them. They have to make your lenses to match your prescription so nobody can pick a pair abs walk out. £40 or £400 glasses, we all have to wait.

@Quincythequince

And they say helps toward the cost in case you don’t want to get basic frames!

Did you miss the part where I said I have procured circa 40 pairs glasses for my boys, of differing quality.

Stop arguing for the sake of it.

Um I think you picked up on how I phrased it and then did correct that I had. And started the argument with me

I have never posted misinformation. I was correcting

Brefugee glasses are free for children on the NHS. It doesn’t have to cost the OP anything to get him a new pair. Not a penny. Just her time

THis because they arent. The voucher covers for example at Specsavers

At Specsavers, all glasses in our Kids’ and Teens’ £64 and £89 ranges are free with an under-16s’ NHS optical voucher. Your free pair will come with standard single-vision lenses with a scratch resistant UV filter. Plus, under-16s get a free NHS-funded eye test.

Broken glasses is more complicated as I have posted the link.

It is an important distinction because saying they are free doesnt actually cover the fact that they only are UP TO A POINT. And when repairs and replacements come in - that point could very well be important.

Eye tests are the same - they are free but only to what the Optician can be justified. If you come in and try and get a replacement vouchers once a month it will be flagged and investigated.

To be fair though you did say it doesnt have to! The point is I think the free glasses on the NHS are complicated and bureaucracy like in most of the UK reigns

Stop being a pedant quartz

Children’s glasses are free in the NHS. As is a sight test.

You might not like the free frames on offer, and you might want all sorts of added extras (anti-glare) which aren’t covered.

But you can get free glasses for kids.

Somebody without a pot to piss in can get their child free, vision-correcting glasses, at no financial outlay to themselves.

Eye tests are the same - they are free but only to what the Optician can be justified. If you come in and try and get a replacement vouchers once a month it will be flagged and investigated

What the heck are you on about??? An eye test is done for children to see what, if any prescription they needed.

If it was so complicated then hat a standard optician couldn’t do this, you would be referred- into the NHS - so still free!

Who is saying replacement vouchers once a month?? Who has said that?

Nobody - that’s who!

That said OP I have had my glasses fixed for free at least twice in store when I have broken them. It should (outside of the NHS) be part of the service

It’s not free for as many pairs as you like with whatever frames you like! Obviously not. Who said it was?

OP doesn’t have to pay to get her kids glasses, and can take him given she is a parent.

Dad is refusing. What choice is there?

I really don't know why you are arguing with me here. As you have said we are both arguing over semantics and both being pedantic. My initial statement that you picked up on wasn't incorrect either. I don't understand why you are posting so much here.

@howtomoveforwards as you seem to have been the one who paid for them - I think the best course is to see what the opticians can do. I have plastic frames I slept on and the arm was wonky. I was sure they would be unfixable and cost. But they were easily fixed.

Because you are the one though who did pay I think that probably does mean it is easiest for you to do it Im afraid. Things like this do perhaps need to be ironed out now he has moved to his Dads. Because at some point I think you are going to have to let his Dad take responsibility for these things

Whatever quartz! You keep posting extreme non-examples and Inaccuracies (your first post included) and so stands to be corrected.

Is said kids glasses are free, you said they weren’t!
You are wrong!

But engaging with you is like playing chess with a pigeon so I will not post back to you further.

@WutheringHeights66

I can’t get over dad and SM not automatically replacing them. It’s his child FFS too that was under his care at the time and I would imagine if you had stood on them you wouldn’t look for him to pay?

I wouldn’t leave my child with a sight impairment but what is dad and his wife doing about it since they broke them?

Common sense says if someone breaks the property of someone else they repair or replace surely?

This. Amazing how many people are calling op a bad mum, but the dad is getting let off with it.

Just get them sorted op, it should be him, but he's clearly a useless dumbass twat who couldn't find his own arse with a map, so can hardly expect him to be useful. Your kids will eventually see the truth when they are older, and if they don't, more fool them.

@SafelySoftly

He’s your child!! I’d walk through fire for them. Your son is missing out, just pay for them!

Agree totally. Stop playing games.

@Quincythequince

Whatever quartz! You keep posting extreme non-examples and Inaccuracies (your first post included) and so stands to be corrected.

Is said kids glasses are free, you said they weren’t!
You are wrong!

But engaging with you is like playing chess with a pigeon so I will not post back to you further.

Ok I think that is best as I am not sure it helps the OP arguing about it

• who paid towards the glasses as the voucher did not cover it all.

But that said she should still go to the Opticians and asked for them to be fixed as unless it has snapped off it should be fairly easy to do (as a glasses wearer)

Stop playing games

Could you point out exactly where I have played games?

@Dawnofthefed

I don't think it matters as long as he gets glasses and as long as whoever buys them can afford to do so.

Me too but we’re way too sensible for MN! 😂

@Blossomtoes no - you're not more sensible, just that some of us have had to deal with this shit for so long from our exes we get where the OP is coming from. At no point has she said she won't sort them out, or tell her ex one thing and do another, or send messages via her son or anything else. What the OP is really about is yet another male parent doing fuck all in terms of actual parenting and leaving the tedious, annoying, inconvenient bits to the other parent, who always ends up doing them / paying because they HAVE to. This is about the unequal approach to parenting. I think, 5 pages in, that we have established the OP WILL sort it. This is about the frustration of trying to co-parent with a lazy selfish fuckwit.

And FWIW I have frequently had to pay something toward my DCs glasses when they have broken them before the annual review and ex has never contributed in time, money or anything else, regardless of how or where they were broken.

@howtomoveforwards

Stop playing games

Could you point out exactly where I have played games?

It’s strange to me that getting your son’s glasses fixed would be the point where you put your foot down. He needs them. They are not a luxury. I don’t think anyone is blaming you for being p**d off and frustrated about getting the glasses repaired/ replaced when it should be his dad (god only knows my ex is beyond selfish and wouldn’t lift a finger to do anything for his kids) - it’s the fact that you just haven’t done it that’s a bit shocking. Your son will be struggling without them. The voucher will cover all/ or part of the cost. Pick some other bone of contention to argue with him over- I’m sure there will be many to come sadly.