To ask who should pay?

[howtomoveforwards]

I have a son who lives most of his time with his dad - this is a recent thing. He lived with me full time prior to this, with EOW at dad’s. Dad’s girlfriend’s’ daughter has sat on his glasses and broken them. This happened a week ago now. Nothing has been said to me and no one has taken son to look at either fixing them or getting a new pair. Son needs the glasses sooner rather than later - he can manage but he really does need them in school.

I have told son I will sort it one way or another at the weekend - my job is such that I finish after the optician closes or I would have taken him during the week. I pay no maintenance to ex for this child but ex equally pays nothing for the other child that lives with me (and never has paid).

Should it be me who does this and who should be paying?

I said right at the beginning I would get them fixed. How is that playing games?

I have no intention whatsoever in arguing with my ex. To do so would be pointless. He simply doesn’t consider putting his hand in his pocket for his children is his responsibility. I am beyond frustrated that is the case and that my children consider it the same way. My glasses-less boy has actually just asked me why he doesn’t have a spare pair. I don’t have a bloody spare pair cos I can’t afford them. Beyond me why he thinks he should!!

www.opticalexpress.co.uk/terms-and-conditions#two-for-kids

Vision express do 50% off second pair

@howtomoveforwards

I said right at the beginning I would get them fixed. How is that playing games?

I have no intention whatsoever in arguing with my ex. To do so would be pointless. He simply doesn’t consider putting his hand in his pocket for his children is his responsibility. I am beyond frustrated that is the case and that my children consider it the same way. My glasses-less boy has actually just asked me why he doesn’t have a spare pair. I don’t have a bloody spare pair cos I can’t afford them. Beyond me why he thinks he should!!

Did he decide to do the move OP, because at 13 he should be able to understand there are consequences.

I think you do need to say that he now lives with his Dad and you cant afford them and to ask him.

@howtomoveforwards

Oh it will be me that sorts it and my ex won’t be putting his hand in his pocket, I feel quite sure of that. I am just annoyed that once again, it is me that has to be inconvenienced when child no longer lives with me. And annoyed that if it was one of my children that had broken an essential ,piece of equipment, I’d have apologised and said how can I help sort it. Moreover, my children have just defended ex and girlfriend saying they were obviously busy at the weekend but see no reason why I might also not have the time to deal with it and seem utterly unable to comprehend that I have shit to do at the weekend too! Bah!

I've had years of this shit from my ex. Trust me, the kids know. The kids learn. The kids see who is there for them. And you will have him on your doorstep in years to com moaning about his lack of relationship/contact with them and you can choose to laugh in his face or to yourself. What goes around comes around. And yeah, you should be able to get them replaced for free.

At the end of the day he needs glasses but his dad should have sorted it by now , to be honest I’d be wanting full time custody of him if his dad isn’t bothered his arse about sorting out something as important as his glasses he needs .

Yes his Dad should have replaced them, but no he did not care enough to do so. Your DS is not stupid. He will remember who went the extra mile for him. Get the glasses done for your son.

please stop telling the OP to get them done. She said on page 1 that she would be.

@howtomoveforwards

I said right at the beginning I would get them fixed. How is that playing games?

I have no intention whatsoever in arguing with my ex. To do so would be pointless. He simply doesn’t consider putting his hand in his pocket for his children is his responsibility. I am beyond frustrated that is the case and that my children consider it the same way. My glasses-less boy has actually just asked me why he doesn’t have a spare pair. I don’t have a bloody spare pair cos I can’t afford them. Beyond me why he thinks he should!!

Because most people including kids have a spare pair.

You don’t sound like you even like your son very much. No wonder he lives with his dad.

Because most people including kids have a spare pair

You don’t perhaps think that 13 years of paying for absolutely every last thing might have taken its toll? I am very much a middle income earner with no entitlement to benefits and have had to keep a roof over our heads. Most people might have two pairs. I don’t and neither do my children because that is money I don’t have.

The rest of your post is utter bollox. Perhaps have a look at your need to kick someone who is very obviously down?

Thanks to those who have experience of this and understand the complexity of the bigger picture.

am just annoyed that once again, it is me that has to be inconvenienced when child no longer lives with me.

that comes across really badly.

Moreover, my children have just defended ex and girlfriend saying they were obviously busy at the weekend

^why did they feel the need to defend them? What were you saying? It sounds like you're moaning about them to your child.

@howtomoveforwards

Because most people including kids have a spare pair

You don’t perhaps think that 13 years of paying for absolutely every last thing might have taken its toll? I am very much a middle income earner with no entitlement to benefits and have had to keep a roof over our heads. Most people might have two pairs. I don’t and neither do my children because that is money I don’t have.

The rest of your post is utter bollox. Perhaps have a look at your need to kick someone who is very obviously down?

Thanks to those who have experience of this and understand the complexity of the bigger picture.

I have experience of this. That’s one of the reasons I know you can get two pairs with one voucher at optical express.

Sweet Jesus, this thread is horrendous.

Why is it a mother gets torn apart, but the dad is getting away Jack free? Either people can't be arsed to RTFT, or people really do enable men to do as little as possible when it comes to parenting.

If you have two children, and one lives with each of you, it only makes sense that you each cover the living costs of the child with you. Otherwise you'd be paying him what he pays you back.

He's lazy. There's no way your son should have gone this long without glasses that he needs.

I would happily place a wager on the foul women kicking you down here, questioning your parenting abilities and making snide remarks about why your son doesn't live with you are the same women that post "empowering women" and women supporting women posts on their social media posts.

She's paid for everything for 13 years. No support at all from ex. Glasses have broken in ex's care. She has not yet seen DS or been available at the time the opticians is open. And yet people think that she is the lazy parent, rather than the one who lives with the child and who is self employed so likely has a little more flexibility in their working hours to get it sorted.

If it happened at Dad’s and he lives with him, why did your son not go to his Dad to sort it? How come it has become your problem?

Did you have any agreement about costs for each child? Otherwise, what happens when the next problem arises?

I think you need to discuss with your ex and come to some arrangement - or you will be in this position a lot. In the meantime, tell him to sort out his son’s glasses.

Well this thread is a fucking grim read.
I feel so angry on your behalf OP not only because of the glasses situation but because of this thread and the utter fucking shite being spouted on it. Of course you shouldn't have to pay or be the one responsible for sorting the glasses, and everyone one idiots piling on you here would feel the same if they were in your situation.

I think you need to discuss with your ex and come to some arrangement

Discussion isn’t possible. He’s nasty and I avoid as much as possible having anything to do with him. This is the only way I can keep sane. If I ask him to pay for these, he will go mad - because he knows he is in the wrong and will say black is white if it means he can justify his actions.

@Thatsplentyjack

Well this thread is a fucking grim read. I feel so angry on your behalf OP not only because of the glasses situation but because of this thread and the utter fucking shite being spouted on it. Of course you shouldn't have to pay or be the one responsible for sorting the glasses, and everyone one idiots piling on you here would feel the same if they were in your situation.

Because in the middle of these 2 warring adults, is a kid who seems to be very much an inconvenience.

There's obviously a massive backstory. It's not about glasses.

Insight, not just sight, needed here.

Don’t fight your relationship battles on your son’s body. He needs to see.

So do you.

Because in the middle of these 2 warring adults, is a kid who seems to be very much an inconvenience

FFS. How many times? I will sort it at the weekend which is the earliest I can do anything. I am not warring with anyone. Child concerned is not an inconvenience.

OP honestly, there is no point. you have said and others have said on your behalf that you WILL sort it, and not because you have been told to on here. you were always going to. Waht exactly is it that the OP needs to "see"? @Supersimkin2 She sees perfectly well that its up to her to sort this and is doing so. She's just on here looking for some understanding about what it is like to have 50% of the parenting team do absolutely fuck all. Whether or not this particular issue can be covered by a voucher, or by going to a different opticians is 100% not the point. Next time it will be outgrown football boots, or a school trip or the cost of a new phone or something and the ex STILL won't pay, or contribute and OP will do it. How can you still not be clear what this is about?

Point taken. OP.

DS will thank you one day.

and @gamerchick its not to do with the child being an inconvenience at all and its gaslighting actually to tell the OP that her frustration with the ex isn't allowed because its showing the child in that light. My ex does this too. Had the nerve once to tell me that parenting was a "joy and privilege" and that I was wrong to see it as a series of tasks. Obviously he did and does none of those tasks. I bet parenting is a joy when all you have to do is take them out for ice cream twice a month. I have never once resented my kids but I resent the fuck out of their Dad who pissed off and left me to raise them and I will fight tooth and nail to make that point on mine or anyone else's behalf who tries to shame us into shutting up and allowing negligent exes to slither over a bar so low its buried in a ditch by suggesting the child is the one being resented or losing out when it is patently not the case.

It’s a real shame for your son that you’re getting on like this

@Supersimkin2

Insight, not just sight, needed here.

Don’t fight your relationship battles on your son’s body. He needs to see.

So do you.

Goodness me. Did it take long to think this up? How patronising!

Maybe take your own advice - insight badly needed on your part!