To ask who should pay?

[howtomoveforwards]

I have a son who lives most of his time with his dad - this is a recent thing. He lived with me full time prior to this, with EOW at dad’s. Dad’s girlfriend’s’ daughter has sat on his glasses and broken them. This happened a week ago now. Nothing has been said to me and no one has taken son to look at either fixing them or getting a new pair. Son needs the glasses sooner rather than later - he can manage but he really does need them in school.

I have told son I will sort it one way or another at the weekend - my job is such that I finish after the optician closes or I would have taken him during the week. I pay no maintenance to ex for this child but ex equally pays nothing for the other child that lives with me (and never has paid).

Should it be me who does this and who should be paying?

Would it be better for everyone to say, ‘leave the glasses until your shitty ex, who you’ve already explained has provided zero for either of his children, magically decides one day that he will get a new pair for his son?’ Many here live this situation day to day and know only too well that the dad is never going to do this. He’s shit. What else do you want people to say.

The fact that he is lazy, uncaring, irresponsible and shit etc etc etc is not their son’s fault. He will probably never change as many of us know. The glasses will be covered in part/ or in full by the nhs voucher. It’s one of those things that needs to be done and, yes, it’s usually one of us who does it. Most haven’t excused the father. But now OP knows there is the option of a free/ half price spare pair. There is more going on here judging by the language used about her son.

No, I really don't think that's true.. Or we have no basis to assume it. She's pissed off at the problem and what it represents about her exes attitude to parenting. Why should she tailor her language about her son, who is really incidental to the actual problem to make sure everyone knows she would 'walk through fire' for him as one pp rather dramaticly put it. Can't we assume, especially based on her actual posts that have repeatedly pointed out that she will be sorting the glasses and that she has provided everything in his life thus far, that this is in fact about a crappy ex. Why are posters so keen to ignore that?

*Because in the middle of these 2 warring adults, is a kid who seems to be very much an inconvenience.

There's obviously a massive backstory. It's not about glasses.*

And?.... this particular post is about the glasses. No wonder OP is angry and frustrated. I would feel the same if I had raised a child for 13 years and they decided to go and live with the father that had contributed nothing and actively made life harder for years. I would be really fucking annoyed if I was once again being asked to sort something because I was the only responsible parent and everyone seemed to think that it's fine for the other parent to ignore the problem because he must have been too busy .

Indignation at the mum (who is going to replace the glasses at the earliest opportunity) but from the "walking through fire" poster - why not target that pointed barb at the dad?
It does seem silly that the NHS voucher scheme doesn't seem to cover a spare pare, though. My spares are vital.

His father should pay.

I’d just pay for them and get your son his glasses. Clearly his dad should do it but the important thing is your son gets his glasses.

@Doratheexploret have you read loerally anything other than the op?

So the glasses weren’t fixable and the same frame was £50. Lenses removed and put into the new frame by the optician. Some discussion behind the scenes meant I signed some paperwork and the cost reduced to £20. So could have been worse.

Asked son if there was any reason he hadn’t asked his dad to sort it. His response was that he had and dad had told him to get me to fix it. No change there then. Sigh.

I really get it op. Sigh indeed.

The kids dad is such a dick!
Such a dick.

Your son will remember his response to this too.

You r had a hard time on this thread, but I really think it's best to insulate your children from these incidents as much as you possibly can. When they're older, they will realise who was lazy and who picked up the slack

He's 13. Not a baby. I don't think it's right to bad mouth and openly criticise the other parent but you can equally not cover for them and pretend there's a good reason. A tactful eyeroll says a lot.

Well done @howtomoveforwards. I think its excellent that you at least asked your son about asking his dad. I think we try to insulate them sometimes and that leads to normalising bad behaviour. Its good that you let him know so that he doesnt grow up thinking that everything is mums job and responsibility.

@femfemlicious

Well done *@howtomoveforwards*. I think its excellent that you at least asked your son about asking his dad. I think we try to insulate them sometimes and that leads to normalising bad behaviour. Its good that you let him know so that he doesnt grow up thinking that everything is mums job and responsibility.

I don't think that's what the son will have learned at all.

I feel for you OP. It's impossible to draw a line when your child will suffer and these men absolutely know we will do it.

at 13, DS shouldn't be leaving glasses somewhere they're likely to be sat on?

@ThinWomansBrain

at 13, DS shouldn't be leaving glasses somewhere they're likely to be sat on?

That’s what you have taken from this whole thread?!