Grannie feeling a little left out.

[Hall35]

My first GC was born 7 months ago I have a wonderful relationship with both the parents. Initially I was welcomed round had lots of cuddles allowed to feed them etc.
Then something changed and I'm at a loss as to what....I'm now not allowed to hold GC I go round a few times a wk (when it suits parents I don't just turn up!) and at first they clung to their parents but now they get smiley when i go in and reach for me only to have M distract them or move them. They also invite me round at naps times or times when I cant even ask for a cuddle. Gc sleeps at other GM often and they do lots of nice things together (I'd kill for a 10 minute walk round the block ha) I'm not demanding or judgemental with them and havent brought this up as dont want to cause tension but its breaking me.
I brought up my children well and have good relationships with them but baffled as to why I'm being excluded. At first I thought M was just overprotective as all is new mums have been (I was a nightmare ha) but everyone can hold my GC friends family etc just not me.
I have a lot of experience with children due to a huge family and have always been the go to person to have peoples children so I know I am trusted in this respect. OH thinks it's so GC bonds with other GP first and more. If that makes sense? AIBU?? Really struggling without having it out and causing arguments. Do I just keep doing as I'm doing and hopefully all will come good?

Rather than ' having it out with them' what if you spoke calmly with them about how you are feeling and ask them their feelings on how you are with the child?

You don’t have to “have it out”, have you tried to ask them what’s changed?

You say you’re not overbearing but then say a lot about how trusted and involved you are by other people so maybe they’ve found you a bit too much? Impossible to say.

Why can’t you just calmly ask them?

I broached this briefly before and was told I just had to be patient. So now I'm in the position of if I bring it up again do I sound like a broken record?

Why not just ask them?

How long ago did you last bring it up, have you been patient?

Do they ask you round or are you invited? And a few times a week is a lot! They might be feeling quite overwhelmed by that

Awww you sound lovely. Hope it can get sorted out. Sorry have no suggestions..would have loved any grandparents being interested

Is there nothing you can think of at all that coincides with things changing? If they’re usually rational people something must have happened.

Ask yourself honestly if there could be reasons..
Do you smoke?
Have a hairy ddog /dcat and hairy clothes?
Have a sold core?
Offered some odd advice in the past?
Maybe try speak to your ds alone and ask why you are being sidelined..

Tbh in your shoes id take a step back and let them come to me. I couldn't have coped with seeing my mil a few times a week bit then even my own mother once a week was enough.

Not very kind not letting you hold the bairn though when you could previously.

I brought up just after Christmas so a few months and I have followed everything they have asked of me to the letter. I guess I maybe had too high expectations of being A GM.

Going round a few times a week was there suggestion not mine. Once a week is plenty when you have a busy life I think.

have followed everything they have asked of me to the letter

What sort of things did they ask you to do?

Not idle curiosity, I'm hoping there might be a clue ad to why you are being held at arms length

@Hall35

Going round a few times a week was there suggestion not mine. Once a week is plenty when you have a busy life I think.

So strange. I'd be devastated at not being allowed to hold my gc. Might be best to just take you son aside and ask if you've done something to warrant this change in their behaviour

You go round a few times a week? That's too much.

What did they ask of you?

Do you live closer to them than her mother/parents?

This is your son’s child is it?

A few times a week is quite a lot for visits. Is there nothing that happened that could explain it? Usually there would be a reason. In terms of more time spent with other GPS - Assuming your DIL is on mat leave or has been until recently then it’s just natural she’d spend more time with her mum at this stage.

I would step back and reduce your visits to once a week so they don’t feel crowded. Give it a couple of months and then raise it again with your son - and ask him to be really honest.

But the time the baby is 18 months and beyond it will be forming it’s own relationships, and it will right itself most likely.

Do you kiss the baby? Or put your fingers in its mouth/suck the dummy?

Many people view that as totally normal baby behaviour and wouldn't even notice themselves doing it. Others would see it as truly gross, and worthy of banning cuddles over.

@tiredanddangerous

You go round a few times a week? That's too much.

In your opinion🙄 I see my GC 5 times a week.... different families have different ideas of how much is enough/not enough.

So you go and literally look at your own dgc? That's frankly fucking cruel.
Your ds is as much to blame for this I hope you realise..

I don't smoke,no cold sores no odd advice in fact I steer away from giving advice and I've been on the receiving end of a vile.MIL so I absolutely do not want to be that! My Gc parents are both wonderful they dont need my input on how I would do it they are doing great. I genuninely cant fathom where I've gone wrong and I must have surely?

What did they ask you to do @Hall35 ?

Might give us some clues ...

I'm guessing you are MIL? If so then I would speak to your son directly and ask him if there's a reason you hasn't held your grandchild in however long... Maybe spelling it out for them will make them realise! Sorry this is happening you sound great and like you are doing everything right.