AIBU to ask how anyone else copes being overcrowded?

[Lemontree1]

I am in an overcrowded very small 2 bed privately rented flat with 3 children.
The bedrooms are tiny.
To envisage how small the bedrooms are, a double bed can fit but nothing else maybe a bedside table, but no chest of drawers, or any other furniture.
According to the council, My 3 children are expected to share one of these bedrooms and myself in another room.
I can’t make them all share, as there physically isnt enough room to fit 3 beds in one room with all their toys, or any other furniture. (We don’t have vast amounts of stuff but 3 children combined do have a significant amount, and I am constantly decluttering)
So, I sleep downstairs on the sofa.
we are all on top of each other there is no where for me to escape and my mental health has been deteriorating for years now.
I have been told that I am not a priority and that there are bigger families in a one bed flat.
I don’t want anything fancy, just a room and a bed to myself and somewhere I can have time to myself.
I can’t get anywhere else privately as I can’t afford it, I work,but rent prices are high and I just can’t afford more than I already pay. I can’t work full time at least until my youngest boys are in school.
I am so claustrophobic and although I try my best this affects my parenting.
Also, for reference I have twins and a singleton. My children’s ages are 3,3 and 12. All boys, so apparently can all share until they are 16.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? How do you manage to cope? I just feel like I can’t cope much longer, but have no idea how to get out of this situation.

@BoredZelda yes they may consider it ok , totally depends on area and size and availability etc
My ha tend to do properties by people as opposed to 2/ 3 bedroom
So one 3 bedroom could be for 5 people another for 7 etc

@Cookiecrumble22 but in some areas council/ ha rent can be higher and my ha no longer gives life time tenancies and they are nit the only ones
We really do need more ha homes in the country to help meet demand and bring rents down
We must pay so much in benefits to private landlords
Yet HA seem to make it work with lower rents and lots of employees and still have to maintain properties etc

[quote worriedatthistime]@mydogisthebest if only successive goverments had continued to build properties then we wouldn't have such an issue
Instead we give benefits of £1000 a month rent to a private landlord to line his pockets
[/quote]
I am not disputing that there needs to be more social housing but as there isn't anywhere near enough people cannot just expect to be given a flat or house because they choose to have X amount of children

Some practical advice, what I have done in similar circumstances is find out all the housing associations in the area you live, or even further out if you want more options and go on their private waiting lists (which are shorter than council). Some have surplus stock that isn't allocated directly to councils. One HA I know definitely does this is Stonewater dot org. Another option is that although you may not be able to be rehoused by your local council you can still apply to the council for a discretionary housing payment for help with upfront costs of (exorbitant) deposit and moving costs to a larger private rental (or save up the deposit or get a loan if turned down) especially as its affecting your mental health and probably that of your children where you are now. Then go into the local estate agents and look round private rental properties that you think might be more suitable and as long as you have the deposit (and a high enough credit score) a lot of landlords with 2 plus bedroom properties to rent expect to rent them to people with children (I was a single parent with 2 children and got better housing this way when they were young and before anyone in a more comfortable position jumps on me, I didn't ask to be left but made the best of the options available at the time and did a good job raising my kids on my own) Another option is look in local papers or online Friday Ad, Facebook and so on for people renting property who don't go through estate agencies, they may be more sympathetic to your stressful situation. I think people who look down on others on here are really not very nice, this country keeps voting in kleptocratic elitist spivs who bleed the country dry for their own gain. We pay enough taxes to improve our society and living standards not to benefit greedy MP's and their dodgy associates like the UK is their own private company to pilfer and profit from and to run into the ground. We pay enough for a decent basic standard of housing and ammenities instead of all the countries assets being sold off to private cronies with invested interests and our money siphoned off into offshore bank accounts. Our taxes should be reinvested in us and our communities and the infrastructure of our society. Sorry for the rant but things could and should be so different with normal honest people in charge instead of our hooray henry brigade. I wish you luck OP and hope you can keep positive and your spirits up, you can change things.

If you could of split your room for a toddler and you what about splitting it with the twins but with lower bunk beds? So custom made for the height purposes but that way you could still split the bigger bedroom and have you space.

@bethieboo totally agree. Kleptocratic elitist spivs who are incompetent and traitorous to boot.

OP are you tied to a particular area? It's a drastic solution but some areas of the country have more pressure on housing than others. Would you consider moving? (I know a couple of people who did this successfully in order to solve housing problems. One needed emergency accommodation due to domestic abuse and said she would go anywhere it was available, one went to a northern city as the rents were lower and their public sector pay was the same)

I will explain this once more for anyone who keeps telling me I had more children in an already small flat.
I was well aware when I fell pregnant that it would be a squeeze but ow oils have obviously shared with baby until however many years old and then split the biggest room, I have one side and toddler the other.
It would have been small but do- able. I don’t want a lot and this would been fine for us all.
But, I had twins and I can’t split the rooms with a partician wall and have two children on one side. It’s far too small.
I have looked endlessly and still do for a bigger private rent. I can’t realistically afford anything bigger, and if I happen to have found something I know I am judged for my situation, and landlords are not keen to have a single mother on some benefits with 3 children.
So, I can’t seem to find anywhere else privately so have asked the council for their assistance, which I think most mothers in my situation would do.
I’m not expecting the council to give me a house, I just asked their assistance.
They’ve told me the rules and regulations and I am now at a loss of what to do, so asked others advice who may be in a similar situation.
I don’t think I’m the only person in my situation, as others have suggested.
I know this not to be true, but am desperate for a solution and some sleep.
I work all the hours that my boys are at nursery, I have 2 hours to myself in the week.

Ignore the haters @Lemontree1 and all the people who seem to have time machines - you are where you are, and you're trying to make the best of it. All power to you

As you work part time you probably are on Universal Credit (like I was with 2 children), so if you move to a more expensive larger place your rent is taken into account so will at the moment the higher rent will make little difference to your income but enable you to have somewhere more suitable to live.

Downstairs would you have room for one of the beds that folds away completely against the wall at night and you push it back up through day. Maybe redecorate so you have a lovely downstairs space and all kids and clutter go upstairs at set times . Sounds tough but sounds like you have a plan for the future to look forward to

...split the biggest room, I have one side and toddler the other.

Why don't you do that anyway but you have one side and 12yr old have the other? This would give you the same result.

I don't know if the dad of these children contributes or not but if not he should be bloody well made to. maybe take away driving licences for those who don't.

It is so frustrating that it is women who are literally left holding the baby while the other parent can get out of paying a penny.

Would it be worth putting up pictures of the tiny space that his children are expected to share on your social media. Shame the bugger!

OP so what steps are you taking to get yourself into a better situation?

Council isn’t an option, so rule that out, have you applied for housing association properties, they’ve advised you don’t fit the criteria so therefore no point in focusing your energy on that aspect.

Have you been to shelter or citizens advise?

Your children get 30 hrs free child care, are you using those hrs to gain more income?

Also not every single landlord is unwilling to take on a single mother, if that was the case single mothers wouldn’t be private rented properties, a few won’t but the vast majority of private landlord just want their rent paid.

@appleturnovers

To envisage how small the bedrooms are, a double bed can fit but nothing else maybe a bedside table, but no chest of drawers, or any other furniture.

It's a disgrace that it's even legal to build houses with rooms that small.

Other countries have regulations on minimum acceptable living space, and houses are measured by square metre of floor space, not just "number of bedrooms" which can be extremely deceptive.

If you can fit a double bed but no clothes storage then it shouldn't count as a double bedroom at all.

There are standards like that in the UK, too.

You can be overcrowded by not having enough rooms for the number/age/sex of the occupants or because of insufficient floor area.

However, the standards are absurdly stingy, and despite having worked with families living in appallingly overcrowded conditions. none of them were ever what is deemed "statutorily overcrowded".

I really feel for you OP and understand your frustration. And it must be tough for your oldest, who'll be starting his exams in a couple of years.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

OP so what steps are you taking to get yourself into a better situation?

Council isn’t an option, so rule that out, have you applied for housing association properties, they’ve advised you don’t fit the criteria so therefore no point in focusing your energy on that aspect.

Have you been to shelter or citizens advise?

Your children get 30 hrs free child care, are you using those hrs to gain more income?

Also not every single landlord is unwilling to take on a single mother, if that was the case single mothers wouldn’t be private rented properties, a few won’t but the vast majority of private landlord just want their rent paid.

Again please read previous replies. Yes I’ve been to citizens advice and shelter. I look all the time for private. Right move, gumtree, anything that comes up on Facebook.

That’s the general attitude I have from landlords, I know it’s not every single landlord.

Also, one of my children can’t go for 30 hours at nursery.
I don’t want to go into why not, I’m keeping some information to myself because the reason I started the post was to seek advise, recommendations and talk to others in a similar situation.

I feel for you OP, not going to get any easier with growing boys either
could you get a Murphy bed for the living room? maybe more comfortable for you x
www.wallbedking.co.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAjw8sCRBhA6EiwA6_IF4alpIxHN_CQq1JAr36vrbLLiAC1iR-tfv-wFN5wHmlKR6FtWbIy3ExoCiqkQAvD_BwE

@Seraphinesupport

its strange as my council say 3 needs need 3 bedrooms, its 2 kids per room

So does mine, but the law says different!

Someone in OP's circs in this area would be considered short of one bedroom, but that would still only give them band C priority.

You'd have to be incredibly lucky to get rehoused with band C priority here. I've only known it happen when they release several new-builds all at once. And newly-built social housing happens considerably less often than a blue moon.

Are you bidding on council/HA properties, OP?

You’ve conspicuously avoided questions about where you live? Do you live in a high cost area like London and can you move?

You’d be better of on benefits out of London in terms of your costs. And you’d be more likely to get a council house.

If you go directly into an estate agents and explain your situation they can be very helpful, if nothing available right now, keep popping in as new properties come up all the time. It's not easy and a lot of landlords don't want people on benefits and phrase it in a way that it affects their mortgage contract so that they don't look like they are discriminating when they actually are being discriminatory but like previous poster said there are some landlords who just want their property let and income coming in. All I know is I was given a months notice to move out of one private rental, went into my local estate agents who were really nice and they helped me. A useful site to get a list of housing associations is homehunt dot co dot uk. In the registering process you register with each housing association individually. They helped me recently but I had to move out of the area to get a housing association place but then moved back to where I wanted to live by doing a mutual exchange. I know it is easy to get disheartened, just got to keep trying even though it can feel like there are so many obstacles in the way sometimes.

@Lemontree1

I will explain this once more for anyone who keeps telling me I had more children in an already small flat. I was well aware when I fell pregnant that it would be a squeeze but ow oils have obviously shared with baby until however many years old and then split the biggest room, I have one side and toddler the other. It would have been small but do- able. I don’t want a lot and this would been fine for us all. But, I had twins and I can’t split the rooms with a partician wall and have two children on one side. It’s far too small. I have looked endlessly and still do for a bigger private rent. I can’t realistically afford anything bigger, and if I happen to have found something I know I am judged for my situation, and landlords are not keen to have a single mother on some benefits with 3 children. So, I can’t seem to find anywhere else privately so have asked the council for their assistance, which I think most mothers in my situation would do. I’m not expecting the council to give me a house, I just asked their assistance. They’ve told me the rules and regulations and I am now at a loss of what to do, so asked others advice who may be in a similar situation. I don’t think I’m the only person in my situation, as others have suggested. I know this not to be true, but am desperate for a solution and some sleep. I work all the hours that my boys are at nursery, I have 2 hours to myself in the week.

Please don't think I'm trying to be difficult. I'm just trying to help. I'm in a similar situation. I have 5yr old and 6yr old and my 15 year old all in one room. I know your said you could have divide a room if you had not had twins . Now that you do it's harder as there 2 little ones rather than 1 plus your older child so 3 children in all.

My set up is this. I have floor to ceiling room dividers that are removable. One side where the 5 and 6 year old sleep they have bunk beds. Which are narrow than the standard 3ft beds . They are 2.5 wide instead. Between the side of the bed and the wall is around 2 foot. So they literally just have room to get in and out . They do not spend any time in the room . They just sleep in there. Their clothes are kept in a separate cupboard on the landing. Their toys are kept in the living room in a large box. The 15 year old has the other side his side is a typical teen room. I do have other rooms but my other children are in them rooms. I sleep in my living room on a sofa bed. But in your case you could have a bedroom for yourself if you could divide the bedroom. Sadly there's not a perfect solution.

Because you now have 3 children and not just one you would get more help towards the rent . But I totally understand about how landlords /estate agents will hardly ever take people who Need help with their rent. Have you tried open rent?

I hope you manage to find a way that works for you .

I’ve read your replies, no need to be hostile, not once have you said IM doing X, Y and Z, you’ve said you’ve visited CA and Shelter etc… when posters are asking what your next steps are you’ve been quite defeatist. (Understandably but you need to be proactive in achieving your goal)

Council housing avenue isn’t an option for you, so what’s your next steps in improving your families mental health and housing needs.

Are you on any HA waiting lists? EA lists?

Have you looked into moving out of your area into other council/ HA properties?

Are you saving to improve your housing needs, I previously said this may take years but it’s a goal you can aim towards in seeking to improve your housing needs.

There is loads of working from home data entry jobs for evening work, loads of university students are currently doing this, including my 16 year old son and 19 year old single parent SIL (she’s also n a tiny office studio) and goes to university during the day, however she knows this is only temporary until she finishes her studies.

You have options OP, you just need to want them and be proactive in achieving your goals which will ultimately benefit your mental health and families needs.

I don't know where you live but is it possible that housing availability is easier in a neighbouring authority ?

Do you know the measurements of each bedroom? I am wondering if you might be statutorily overcrowded. If you have been to Shelter they may have asked that.

@Lemontree1

Also, one of my children can’t go for 30 hours at nursery. I don’t want to go into why not, I’m keeping some information to myself because the reason I started the post was to seek advise, recommendations and talk to others in a similar situation.

I'd like to tell you about the possibility of being accepted onto the register by the council due to needing another bedroom for medical reasons (if you provide them with evidence from the professionals involved in that child's care), but if you wish to keep that information to yourself, I suppose you don't want to know about that.