AIBU to ask how anyone else copes being overcrowded?

[Lemontree1]

I am in an overcrowded very small 2 bed privately rented flat with 3 children.
The bedrooms are tiny.
To envisage how small the bedrooms are, a double bed can fit but nothing else maybe a bedside table, but no chest of drawers, or any other furniture.
According to the council, My 3 children are expected to share one of these bedrooms and myself in another room.
I can’t make them all share, as there physically isnt enough room to fit 3 beds in one room with all their toys, or any other furniture. (We don’t have vast amounts of stuff but 3 children combined do have a significant amount, and I am constantly decluttering)
So, I sleep downstairs on the sofa.
we are all on top of each other there is no where for me to escape and my mental health has been deteriorating for years now.
I have been told that I am not a priority and that there are bigger families in a one bed flat.
I don’t want anything fancy, just a room and a bed to myself and somewhere I can have time to myself.
I can’t get anywhere else privately as I can’t afford it, I work,but rent prices are high and I just can’t afford more than I already pay. I can’t work full time at least until my youngest boys are in school.
I am so claustrophobic and although I try my best this affects my parenting.
Also, for reference I have twins and a singleton. My children’s ages are 3,3 and 12. All boys, so apparently can all share until they are 16.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? How do you manage to cope? I just feel like I can’t cope much longer, but have no idea how to get out of this situation.

You can get really clever storage. Could you get a triple bunk done and some shelving done right up to a ceiling height

I have 2 friends who slept in the living room so their children could have the 2 bedrooms and they only had 2 children each. I think this is pretty common and a very workable solution if you can't afford anything bigger. Do they have bunk beds?

@FlowerArranger

Turn the lounge into the children's bedroom/playroom , you sleep in the smaller bedroom, and the larger bedroom becomes the lounge?

This is a very good idea, OP. Think about it

Oh and another friend had 3 boys in a 2 bed (same as you 1 older and one set of twins). The boys all shared that one room until they left home and she had the other bedroom as her sanctuary. So either way is fine.

Wow the lack of empathy here. We have no idea of OP’s circumstances.

In practical terms, you need more money so it’s probably heads down til you can work more
(6-18 months) and in the meantime declutter and get great systems in place.

those saying sleep in living room...you need to ensure theres no gas fire in there and no boiler nearby

CO poisoning could be an issue

@OttilieKnackered

Wow the lack of empathy here. We have no idea of OP’s circumstances.

In practical terms, you need more money so it’s probably heads down til you can work more
(6-18 months) and in the meantime declutter and get great systems in place.

to be fair we have asked for further info but op only gave a rough outline and hasn't been back yet to answer

@CannaBelieve

those saying sleep in living room...you need to ensure theres no gas fire in there and no boiler nearby

CO poisoning could be an issue

There’s a boiler in my the bedroom In my house 🤷‍♀️

@CannaBelieve

those saying sleep in living room...you need to ensure theres no gas fire in there and no boiler nearby

CO poisoning could be an issue

Lots of people have gas fires and boilers in bedrooms, not unusual

Sounds difficult, sorry you’re struggling

@AHungryCaterpillar theres a few regulations so assume yours is fine but op should check that first

and ensure co alarm is fitted and in good working order

those saying sleep in living room...you need to ensure theres no gas fire in there and no boiler nearby*

CO poisoning could be an issue

That’s what CO alarms are for…. Loads of properties have boilers in their bedrooms.

@OttilieKnackered

Wow the lack of empathy here. We have no idea of OP’s circumstances.

In practical terms, you need more money so it’s probably heads down til you can work more
(6-18 months) and in the meantime declutter and get great systems in place.

I think its very difficult living in small cramped arrangements which is why I would make sure I didnt find myself in them if I had anytning to do with it (and it might be that OP really could help this)

But all we don know is that she had a child aged 9 and decided to have another child (she wasnt to know that would turn out to be twins), but was presumably in this flat which was just about big enough for her and her 9 year old

Any MH issues she may have had prior to that were inevitably likely to be exacerbated by the difficulty of not having a big enough accommodation.

So I do sympathise but ultimately people do have to take some responsibility for how they got to a particular point

Perhaps there was a father of the twins who she planned to move in with or who promised her they would move, perhaps not.

With my council you would be classed as overcrowded by one bedroom. That would give you silver priority. We have Bronze (lowest priority), silver, gold and Platinum (highest priority) . You still wouldn’t get a council property any time soon though, we are currently only managing to house people in platinum and gold due to a housing shortage and I’m not in a big city or anything, just a normal northern town. There is a massive shortage of affordable homes in a lot of the country I think.

If you can afford it and the room is high enough either a triple bunk or a double on the bottom and single on top while the twins are young and you get a room back for a while then a single bed in your room which would leave space for wardrobes/drawers for everyone’s clothes. If you’re in a maisonette can you utilise hallway/stairs for storage? Cupboards up the stairs or similar?

Unfortunately OP I can’t see you can improve on your situation unless you move to a bigger property which is not feasible right now.

A 12 year old should not be sharing with 3 year old twins to all the posters saying OP should put them in together! That’s not fair at all so you’ve done the right thing, and a selfless thing, making your sleeping area in the lounge.

Surely when your twins go to sleep and your 12 year old is in his room, you get some quiet time in the lounge? It’s really tough bringing up twins. I’ve had them with an older DC too, let alone in a tiny flat and as a single parent but you’re doing it! Do they go to bed at a reasonable time?

It’s not ideal at all but you’ve doing your best for your DC so you can be proud of yourself .

A 12 year old should not be sharing with 3 year old twins to all the posters saying OP should put them in together! That’s not fair at all so you’ve done the right thing, and a selfless thing, making your sleeping area in the lounge.

The council rules state that children of the same sex can share up to 16.

@CannaBelieve

those saying sleep in living room...you need to ensure theres no gas fire in there and no boiler nearby

CO poisoning could be an issue

What's the difference between sleeping in the living room and spending the daytime hours in the living room? If OP is concerned about carbon monoxide she should get a detector fitted anyway.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

those saying sleep in living room...you need to ensure theres no gas fire in there and no boiler nearby*

CO poisoning could be an issue

That’s what CO alarms are for…. Loads of properties have boilers in their bedrooms.

www.hse.gov.uk/gas/domestic/faqownerocc.htm

instead of jumping into defence mode how about op presents at the council saying she has no choice but to sleep with dangerous (depends on age of her house/flat....she's not been back so dont know how scrupulous her landlord is or isn't!) appliances nearby

might get her shifted ....might not.....

@WallaceinAnderland according to my link above there could be a difference

its a landlords responsibility to fit and maintain the correct co alarm

maybe he hasn't? maybe op doesn't know this?

jeez, this place!!

The boiler has always been in the bedroom in my house, I didn’t realise it was a concern I’ve had the council out to service it and they’ve never commented.

Someone has already suggested it but I was going to suggest a triple bunk if the ceiling is high enough and then you could have a bedroom for yourself. Tough for your 12 year old to have to share, could you section off a bit of the living room with a desk for him for homework or gaming (apologies if that is completely unaffordable).
So sorry it sounds really tough.

Could you use the living room as a bedroom for the twins, as it would be big enough for their beds/clothes toys. Then you and ds1 have the bedrooms? You'd have no lounge but you'd have a private space. Hopefully the kitchen is large enough for a dining table.

[quote CannaBelieve]@WallaceinAnderland according to my link above there could be a difference

its a landlords responsibility to fit and maintain the correct co alarm

maybe he hasn't? maybe op doesn't know this?

jeez, this place!![/quote]
Yeah, I was agreeing with you which is why I pointed out that it would be just as dangerous in the daytime and OP should get a detector fitted. Aren't we saying the same thing?

its a landlords responsibility to fit and maintain the correct co alarm

maybe he hasn't? maybe op doesn't know this?

I don’t need to read the link I’m fully aware of the regulations.

Landlords have a legal responsibility to ensure they have a valid LGSR annually.

If the CO alarm ( IF OP even has gas in her property/living room) then alarms will be checked within the service.

OP should then be checking her alarms weekly to ensure they are in working order, if not then she reports this to the LL/EA for repair/renewal.

The boiler has always been in the bedroom in my house, I didn’t realise it was a concern I’ve had the council out to service it and they’ve never commented.

It’s not a concern, it’s quite common, just ensure your CO alarm is working and within date.