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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find having guests with young children hard work?

387 replies

Willowtreegreen · 14/03/2022 13:22

We had SIL staying with us last weekend with her husband and 2 DC (aged 2 and 5)

The house pretty much got trashed as it always does when people turn up with their DC. They come with so much stuff too (which I understand) so a lot of clutter! SIL’s DC were up at 5.45am each morning, running round downstairs, TV went on in the living room which is directly below our bedroom. The kitchen was like a bombsite constantly due to their constant need to ‘snack’

Last month we had friends to stay with their 9 month old. It’s a baby, it obviously won’t sleep through the night and will cry, I get that but we were pretty much kept awake all night by this baby crying, I felt really sorry for my friends, but we were all like zombies the whole weekend. We then couldn’t really do much as everything had to revolve around baby’s naps. So there was a lot of sitting round the house waiting for the baby to start/ finish napping.

We’ve now 2 other sets of friends, one with an 28 month old, one with a 6 and 4 year old wanting to come and visit/ stay in the next couple of months. DH is cheerfully all for it but I’m really starting to not enjoy visits from friends or family members with young children Blush it’s a lot of work, a lot of sleepless nights, house getting chaotic and very messy and actually never really doing a lot as it ALL has to revolve around the DC’s and their routines or what they want to do.

AIBU to just not find the visits that enjoyable at the moment? We don’t have children ourselves and although we have a fairly large house, it’s certainly no mansion so you do hear a lot of other’s noise!

OP posts:
cranberryhaddock · 16/03/2022 13:44

It’s also polite to child proof your house to some extent when you have young visitors or the parents will be so busy following the kids around they’ll have no time to chat to you or relax.

Are you for real??

It's also polite to discourage your children from going around randomly touching stuff in other people's houses.

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2022 13:56

Polite to childproof your childfree house? That’s a joke, right? Jesus, parenthood definitely confers entitlement on some people.

Original poster
Willowtreegreen · 16/03/2022 14:02

The sense of entitlement on this thread has actually made me really sad. What a generation of entitled, self- absorbed parents we’re turning into. The children are going to be nightmare adults but it’ll be too late by then.

OP posts:
bemusedmoose · 16/03/2022 14:14

it can be draining but honestly - i would never let my kids disrupt your home or having them running down stairs to watch tv at god awful o'clock. It's more about the parents wanting a break i think because i would never disrupt someones home like that with my kids.

Our stuff stays in our room, early risers can disturb me and no one else - we will read, colour and do quite stuff til a reasonable time, the kitchen stays as we found it, any spills or mess i clear up straight away, i bring the snacks and tidy the snacks....

If that's how your guests treat your home im not surprised you are exhausted! It's not ok.

Just sounds like people are taking advantage of your hospitality.

bemusedmoose · 16/03/2022 14:26

oh and the one my kids know from the time they could crawl - not yours, dont touch! teach kids how to behave rather than childproofing anything. Never kiddie proofed and never had an incident either. I would never expect a host to childproof for my kids.

As for saying if you dont childproof you home your guests will be forever running after their kids - they are your kids! That's your job!! If you dont want to run after them then you teach them how to behave. My kids have never gone through peoples stuff, jumped on furniture, broken things... They are happy to play quietly while i chat, if they want something they ask and yes i keep my eye on them at all times but not in a way that they know im watching but i'll see if they need reminding not to do something before they get in to mischief. That's what parenting is - you dont just let them do what the hell they want when they want and make everyones world revolve around them.

Much harder trying to get them to do things later when they have spent the toddler and early years doing exactly what they want.

CremeEggThief · 16/03/2022 14:28

The absolute cheek of some of these replies!!!😬🤣

Stomacharmeleon · 16/03/2022 14:29

@Willowtreegreen in a nice way can you just not accept that regardless of how it makes you feel those people love you enough to want to come and spend time with you? I know your getting the hump but honestly I don't think posters on here sound entitled they are just trying to help. If rubbish is annoying you then pegs and boxes are great. If you could just relax a smidge then maybe it wouldn't be so arduous....

For what it worth I am quite jealous. Haven't got many friends and children are nearly grown up. I am by the seaside in the south East and would love a bit of company. I have cancer and am quite lonely. Have got my hound though so I understand that :)

ChampagneLassie · 16/03/2022 14:37

Next time someone suggests a visit just say would be lovely to see them but you're not hosting and suggest hotels / air bnb. I moved 200 miles 3 years ago and go back to visit regularly, if I take my partner we stay in a hotel / air bnb / house sit. I have stayed on my own in friends spare room but I did feel it was a bit cheeky. I wouldn't dream of asking with DC in toe

unsurereallyx1 · 16/03/2022 14:44

@RickyZooom

Wow… I’m amazed that some people don’t value friendships enough to put up with a messy house for 48hrs and the possibility of a bad nights sleep. It’s not forever is it, those preschoolers will be older soon. I’d hate it if my friends started distancing themselves from me just because I’ve chosen to have children. If you’d have your friends for the weekend pre-children, nothing should change after children IMO. You take your friends as they come, not as you want them to be.
Couldn't agree more! I welcome my friends with young children into my house and wouldn't want them worrying about their children making noise/mess.. they are guests and they're not living there forever it's a visit.. personally think OP is being very unreasonable. These people have made an effort to bring their family and travel to see you which is not easy with children!! They didn't have to bother doing so..
MabelsApron · 16/03/2022 14:47

@unsurereallyx1 I feel like OP must have said this 400 times already. These people invite themselves because OP has a nice house near facilities suitable for kids. They're after a free holiday.

VestaTilley · 16/03/2022 14:53

Just don’t host people for overnight stays if they’ve got young children. Offer to meet half way, go to theirs, put them up in a Premier Inn etc (if you can afford to).

We have a toddler, and moved house last autumn. So far we’ve had three lots of visitors who brought children between the ages of 7- 7 months. Our house wasn’t trashed - the parents picked up after their DC and put their things away.

I’d suggest the problem here is the parents you’re hosting!

unsurereallyx1 · 16/03/2022 14:56

[quote MabelsApron]@unsurereallyx1 I feel like OP must have said this 400 times already. These people invite themselves because OP has a nice house near facilities suitable for kids. They're after a free holiday.[/quote]
yeah I doubt that.. why would they drag their children to someone else's home for a holiday? yes the area maybe makes it attractive but it's hardly a 5 star hotel abroad for free is it.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 16/03/2022 15:00

I’m with you OP

I have kids but I would not go and stay over at a friend’s house with them except rarely - and then I would be very careful to make sure I am keeping things tidy.

I think your dh’s friends sound a little inconsiderate.

I couldn’t tolerate messy noisy children in my house as guests regularly.

Original poster
Willowtreegreen · 16/03/2022 15:03

Trust me, they do. And as of 13.30 today, DH has received another message from a friend saying they were hoping to fit in a visit to us before May. If that's not inviting themselves...

OP posts:
unsurereallyx1 · 16/03/2022 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
Willowtreegreen · 16/03/2022 15:20

Wow, what an unpleasant person you are. I only go places that I'm invited to, clearly you were dragged up and see nothing wrong with inviting yourself to stay with other people without an invite.

And just because you don't mind living in a shithole and tolerating other people treating your house like a hotel, doesn't mean everyone has to be such a mug.

OP posts:
AnotherForumUser · 16/03/2022 15:34

@Willowtreegreen

Wow, what an unpleasant person you are. I only go places that I'm invited to, clearly you were dragged up and see nothing wrong with inviting yourself to stay with other people without an invite.

And just because you don't mind living in a shithole and tolerating other people treating your house like a hotel, doesn't mean everyone has to be such a mug.

Well said. That poster was well out of order. Probably seething because she and her brood are so badly behaved no one wants to see them.
EKGEMS · 16/03/2022 15:34

@Willowtreegreen OMG I cannot believe the nerve of some posters on here and you most definitely don't deserve abuse! You're fortunate enough to live in a nice area that is attractive to others but I'm afraid someone is going to need to need to be told 'No,sorry,doesn't work for me' be it the friends or the husband. You'll receive pushback but stand firm.

HardbackWriter · 16/03/2022 15:37

I really think that the children/parents, while very annoying-sounding, are a bit of a red herring here - you'd have the same problem without the children, perhaps to a lesser extreme. You and your DH sound like completely incompatible hosts (you actually sound like quite incompatible people, but hopefully it's just when hosting!). His idea of good hosting sounds completely different to yours, and so it's not surprising he's picked up so many friends that don't fit your idea of good guests. It sounds like an absolute nightmare - you feel that your home and space is being disrespected; he thinks you're ruining the atmosphere and fun. Having more considerate guests would help (and I do think they sound inconsiderate - there's a reason I don't inflict my own tiny children on people!) but it wouldn't remove the problem because it's actually to do with you and your DH, not them.

Tortabella · 16/03/2022 15:53

Willowtreegreen they are hoping to "fit in" a visit?

Like they are doing you a favour.

Bloody hell.

Please update. I can't do those beautifully assertive mumsnet replies but I'm sure someone can.

We haven't had houseguests here since the pandemic and I am going to find it very hard to ever go back. It was always exhausting and a lot of hard work.

HardbackWriter · 16/03/2022 15:55

They probably do think they're doing the DH a favour by travelling to see him. And he probably encourages this.

Thumpkin · 16/03/2022 15:58

YANBU. They are for totally taking over your house while they stay. It’s pretty selfish. I’m surprised to see so many people on here think you’re the one being unreasonable here when the guests are the ones who won’t do a day trip / get everyone up early / make noise / dictate meals / have the entire day revolve around them. Where’s the give and take, as guests? I’d be embarrassed to go to someone’s house and have my kids trash it.

whumpthereitis · 16/03/2022 15:59

‘yeah I doubt that.. why would they drag their children to someone else's home for a holiday? yes the area maybe makes it attractive but it's hardly a 5 star hotel abroad for free is it.‘

Because it’s free. Presumably they don’t have a friend or family member that owns a 5 star hotel abroad either, because no doubt they’d be trying their luck with that too.

startfresh · 16/03/2022 16:02

I'm a mum and the thought of having people over to stay or going to stay at someone's with small children makes me recoil.

YANBU. I would be booking a holiday away when they next came, leave DH to sort it out and then tack on a few more days when you return if it's a mess. The families will soon (hopefully) take the hint.

Eurgh I can't think of anything worse than proper inviting themselves for a few days in my house. I hate when people plan to stay longer than a couple of hours!

unsurereallyx1 · 16/03/2022 16:03

@Willowtreegreen

Wow, what an unpleasant person you are. I only go places that I'm invited to, clearly you were dragged up and see nothing wrong with inviting yourself to stay with other people without an invite.

And just because you don't mind living in a shithole and tolerating other people treating your house like a hotel, doesn't mean everyone has to be such a mug.

I would never go anywhere without an invite, I also don't have children and certainly wasn't dragged up. My house looks like a show home 99% of the time, the other 1% I'm hosting my family with their children who I always welcome - having them come to my home is more important than my home looking like a show home 100% of the time. Have a back bone and say no if you really don't want them coming, hopefully they will come to their senses and won't bother coming to see you :)