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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East?

321 replies

Rainallnight · 14/03/2022 08:33

We are a two mum family and we adopted our DC.

We are contemplating a move to the North East, where DP is from.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying.

Any thoughts from anyone in that part of the world? AIBU?

OP posts:
Notanotherusernamenow · 14/03/2022 10:42

The difference isn’t north/south, it’s parochial versus urban. A lot of my friends from rugby are a) from the north (west and east) and gay. No dramas and the gay going out areas in leeds, Liverpool, Manchester and Newcastle are great fun and safe.

kittensinthekitchen · 14/03/2022 10:44

If you are silly enough to read loads of stuff into it that is your own look out.

@carefullycourageous

Yeah, there is no reason why someone might read something exactly as it is said rather than being able to guess what the person actually intended to say.

How silly of me to not remember that certain types of "ism" are acceptable on Mumsnet.

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2022 10:44

@Lovelteers

I had a meal with DW and kids in a pub in my ( up north) home town. And as we left 2 blokes saw fit to come out after us and scream ‘ fucking lesbians fucking dykes’. Not sure quite why the four of us sitting having Sunday lunch and playing Dobble together wound them up so much, but apparently it did. Haven’t experienced anything even close to that in the very Rainbow Family friendly city we live in now. We aren’t the only gays in the village here, so that helps.
That's horrible.

I've got to admit, the most violent response I've ever had was in very LGBT-friendly Cambridge, where a group of men started pounding their fists on the windows of the pub they were in when DP and I walked past, yelling at us. That was scary. I do think it can happen anywhere. But it's such a low bar, isn't it, saying 'yes, I'm fairly sure I am not going to be physically threatened in this village so I guess it's ok'?

DefaultParent · 14/03/2022 10:46

Noone is trying to minimise your concerns OP. BUT your post is basically accusing everyone from the North East of being backward homophobes. Which is pretty ridiculous and small minded. Maybe you could specify where you are hoping to move and get some proper accounts of people that live there?

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2022 10:47

@DefaultParent

Noone is trying to minimise your concerns OP. BUT your post is basically accusing everyone from the North East of being backward homophobes. Which is pretty ridiculous and small minded. Maybe you could specify where you are hoping to move and get some proper accounts of people that live there?
No it isn't. Don't be so silly.
Lovelteers · 14/03/2022 10:53

‘ Noone is trying to minimise your concerns OP. BUT your post is basically accusing everyone from the North East of being backward homophobes.’

It’s really not. I do wonder if half the people on here have even read the original post properly…

MynameisJune · 14/03/2022 10:54

I’m in a village on the edge of a small town in the north east. Yes you would stick out more, yes you would probably run into more homophobes than in a city.

Personally neither my friends or I would have an issue but that’s not to say there aren’t people who live around here who would have an issue.

Would your kids be bullied? I’d say probably no more likely than any kid who would be bullied. Most kids don’t even question stuff like that. If someone is going to bully someone else they’ll use whatever words they can to hurt, it might be ‘your mum is fat/ugly etc’ just as much as ‘you’ve got two mums’ or whatever slur they might use.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/03/2022 10:59

I do wonder if half the people on here have even read the original post properly

Of course they have.

The OPs title was 'To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East' which is clearly a ridiculous assertion.

She then goes on to say 'My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying'.

Again, ridiculous to assume that there are no families with same sex parents and that they would be made to feel less welcome in the whole of a large region of the UK.

HadEnoughOfBears · 14/03/2022 11:04

Even our head teacher is gay and they have a daughter at another nearby school 🤷‍♀️

Motnight · 14/03/2022 11:09

Does being gay end at the Watford Gap 😂

Bootothegoose · 14/03/2022 11:09

We have gay people up north it’s not just a southern thing.

Chocolattay · 14/03/2022 11:10

HmmConfused

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2022 11:10

The OPs title was 'To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East' which is clearly a ridiculous assertion.

But it isn't. There are not that many same-sex parents in the UK; there are lower levels of self-identifying gay people in the north east than some other parts of the country.

Lovelteers · 14/03/2022 11:12

‘ The OPs title was 'To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East' which is clearly a ridiculous assertion.’

It’s really not.

kittensinthekitchen · 14/03/2022 11:15

@SarahAndQuack

Again, which country?

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2022 11:17

[quote kittensinthekitchen]@SarahAndQuack

Again, which country?[/quote]
Goodness, you got me. That sound is me slapping my jaw in shock.

You're so right, the OP did not specify which country she meant, on a forum largely used by people from England. OMG, what a checkmate move of yours that was!

Happy now?

carefullycourageous · 14/03/2022 11:17

@kittensinthekitchen

If you are silly enough to read loads of stuff into it that is your own look out.

@carefullycourageous

Yeah, there is no reason why someone might read something exactly as it is said rather than being able to guess what the person actually intended to say.

How silly of me to not remember that certain types of "ism" are acceptable on Mumsnet.

Biscuit

Don't take your chippiness out on me.

kittensinthekitchen · 14/03/2022 11:19

😂😂

Weedoogie · 14/03/2022 11:20

I'm really sad to see how many posters are piling on to the OP; she's moving to a part of the country she doesn't know, she's worried about how her kids will settle in and she's asking for information from people who know the area. She has a very legitimate concern (that her children are different from most and may not be accepted) and is looking for reassurance.

Thank you to @Lovelteers @carefullycourageous @Pluvia @SuperbOwls @SarahAndQuack @NorthFaceofthelaundrypile and some others for being understanding and helpful.

Ironic that so many berate the OP for her perceived preconceptions about the NE, yet display their own prejudices about Londoners. We all make assumptions about places we don't know and the way to get past that is to seek information from people who know the area better - exactly what the OP has done

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/03/2022 11:21

Where has anyone here made a comment showing preconception of Londoners?

Willyoujustbequiet · 14/03/2022 11:22

I read the title and presumed this was about race as we are the 'whitest' area in the country.

Yes it's pretty traditional compared to other regions but it's also one of the friendliest. I would say it won't be an issue at all. People are genuinely welcoming. Don't overthink it.

Pluvia · 14/03/2022 11:25

@Motnight

Does being gay end at the Watford Gap 😂
No, but if you check out the ONS figures above you'll see that there are actually fewer LGB people in the NE than in many other areas of the UK. London and the SE have the highest proportions. Why could that be? Could it be because LGB people leave the NE for other regions? Or perhaps LGB people in the NE are less willing to be 'out' than in other areas of the UK? Or....?
Pluvia · 14/03/2022 11:34

@BarbaraofSeville

I do wonder if half the people on here have even read the original post properly

Of course they have.

The OPs title was 'To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East' which is clearly a ridiculous assertion.

She then goes on to say 'My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying'.

Again, ridiculous to assume that there are no families with same sex parents and that they would be made to feel less welcome in the whole of a large region of the UK.

Again, ridiculous to assume that there are no families with same sex parents and that they would be made to feel less welcome in the whole of a large region of the UK

Actually, Barbara, given the ONS stats, it's perfectly possible that the OP could end up being the only lesbian parent at her children's school. Far more likely than in London, SE and Wales, for example. She doesn't assume there are no children with same sex parents in the whole of the NE. That's you projecting and extrapolating badly.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 14/03/2022 11:38

yes you would probably run into more homophobes than in a city

Even in a city it can be area dependent.

We lived in a very diverse area of london. However in dc school many of the parents came from religious cultures, or even some general cultures where homosexuality is not acceptable.

I went to parents social evenings where people outright said they don’t agree with homosexuality.

There was quite a distinct divide between the schools the more liberal parents sent their children too. If you were gay there would definitely be schools to avoid. And that was in the same London Borough.

kittensinthekitchen · 14/03/2022 11:41

I think "the north" has cities too.

Not sure how I can find out for sure, as my horse and cart won't travel far