To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East?

[Rainallnight]

We are a two mum family and we adopted our DC.

We are contemplating a move to the North East, where DP is from.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying.

Any thoughts from anyone in that part of the world? AIBU?

@RampantIvy

Oops. Posted to soon. Can you justify this statement with some supporting figures?

Isn't it because the North East is less densely populated than where the OP lives.

I already did, it's upthread.

It's not about population density.

No experience of same sex parents, but we live in the North East and my son is openly gay. No homophobic bullying at school at all. I think kids are generally much more accepting then when we were at school (in the 90s for me)

‘ It's simply true that there aren't so many same-sex parent families in the north east.’

Yup, and there are certain towns/cities where Rainbow Families are highly concentrated - like Brighton.
London and Brighton also had more progressive councils and fertility clinics than most of the country so many LGBTQ+ people looking to adopt, foster and get pregnant gravitated there for treatment etc
The clinic we used for sperm donation and treatment in London offered that service to gay women when the rules for clinics said ‘single’ women shouldn’t have treatment. I was ‘single’ because we couldn’t yet marry in this country.
My friend and his partner adopted his kids in Brighton when same
Sex couples didn’t have equal adoption rights and many councils would not have let them.

Although nothing will top the girl who had never left London and moved here for work and worried how she would cope without electricity.

Some parts of the NE can be socially backward. I wouldn't recommend East Durham for example.

Socially backward in what sense?

You also have to decide if you want to be the ONLY Rainbow family in a school or area- personally speaking we went out of our way to find other families with 2 mums or dads just so our kids could see other families like ours and not the traditional mum/ dad set up which is deffo the norm particularly when kids are little

As I said earlier, OP needs to be more specific and name a town if she wants to get better, fine tuned responses.

Just to say 'north east' is neither helpful to her to get good responses and also gets people's backs up

@Rainallnight

It is a classic tactic of the majority to laugh at someone from a minority, and to tell them their concerns are all in their head. Well done, everyone. Feeling super relaxed and welcome about a potential move now.

Thanks to everyone who got my perfectly reasonable concerns about moving to an area where my children would, statistically speaking, be in more of a minority than they are now, and my need to think about the impact on them.

But you still havnt clarified which part of the north east.

Obviously bigger cities are going to be different from smaller towns or villages

@Pipsquiggle

As I said earlier, OP needs to be more specific and name a town if she wants to get better, fine tuned responses.

Just to say 'north east' is neither helpful to her to get good responses and also gets people's backs up

Why should it get people's back up though?

No gays are allowed north of Hertfordshire, that’s what I heard.

Fwiw OP I’m in the arse end of nowhere and my dc are at a primary school that has a total of 72 kids. There are two separate families with single sex parents, it’s really not unusual.

Because telling any group of people they are homophobic because of where they live will get peoples back up

Especially when you pick on an area that is usually neglected, belittled and ignored by the press and politics

@HollowedOut

Fwiw OP I’m in the arse end of nowhere and my dc are at a primary school that has a total of 72 kids. There are two separate families with single sex parents, it’s really not unusual.

Except that's not the case in every school. Where I am, a school with about 400 children and there is maybe 1 or 2 gays couples. You have more children who have one or two parents who are not british than gay parents.....

I've actually found you are more likely to see homosexual parents in 'the back of beyond' than in the rough areas of Middlesbrough.

Please keep your bigotry away from the NE. We don't want to import arseholes. We've got our fair share already.

And for those who think that homophobia is gone in this country…

So about an hour ago on a Teams call, waiting for meeting to start, myself and a colleague chatted about the scheme just announced in U.K. to offer a Ukrainian refugee or family a home for 6 months - we’re both seriously considering it - when another colleague chips in with ‘but Lovelteers you can’t do that’ what? I said.
And he literally goes ‘you can’t have some refugee kid going to a house with 2 mums in it, they won’t like that’…
He’s from Yorkshire, but maybe that’s a coincidence. What. A.Twat. He backtracked a bit after someone else asked him WTAF he was on about, but it was genuinely the first thing that came into his stupid little head…

I wasn't aware London had more sets of gay parents than the North East. What do the gay parents here do, move to London? Or are you somehow suggesting London simply has more gay people?

You know, I thought the constant snippy comments about the North not having running water, or jobs, or Ikea, or television were annoying, but I think "I'm just not sure the North has gay people" has taken the biscuit.

@EdithRea

I wasn't aware London had more sets of gay parents than the North East. What do the gay parents here do, move to London? Or are you somehow suggesting London simply has more gay people?

You know, I thought the constant snippy comments about the North not having running water, or jobs, or Ikea, or television were annoying, but I think "I'm just not sure the North has gay people" has taken the biscuit.

Your ignorance doesn't excuse nastiness.

Yes, London has more sets of gay parents than the North East, and more gay people.

I thought this was common knowledge.

I am still wondering how everyone seems magically to know the OP's from London? Is she?

@mudgetastic

Because telling any group of people they are homophobic because of where they live will get peoples back up

Especially when you pick on an area that is usually neglected, belittled and ignored by the press and politics

Nobody has told anyone they're homophobic because of where they live.

@Lovelteers

Homophobia comes in many forms - it’s not just someone shouting ‘Dyke’ on the school run. Two women I know just moved their kid to our school because at the school he was at a few miles away he was excluded from parties, play dates, invites to the parks after school etc by the PARENTS of his classmates. He’s 6. He’s a lovely kid- but he has 2 ‘butch’ ( for want if a better word) mums. And the other parents didn’t like that. What are you supposed to do about THAT kind of discrimination? It’s not nice, but it’s not illegal, and the school can’t or won’t get involved. Luckily the parents at our school are a lot less backward though I have heard some comments about they way the mums look. Me and my wife, apparently, don’t ‘look like’ lesbians so we’re much more accepted in some ways.

Is that something that never happens in the South East?

I am sure the fine folk of 'The North East' will restrain themselves from getting out their pitchforks and flaming torches at the sight of a same sex couple!

That is exactly what the op is worried about - that the homophobic north east is going to be a bad place to raise their kids - that they shouldn't move to the north east because the kids will be bullied due to homophobia , that no school in the north east will have kids with same sex parents

@EdithRea

I wasn't aware London had more sets of gay parents than the North East. What do the gay parents here do, move to London? Or are you somehow suggesting London simply has more gay people?

You know, I thought the constant snippy comments about the North not having running water, or jobs, or Ikea, or television were annoying, but I think "I'm just not sure the North has gay people" has taken the biscuit.

See the ONS statistics cited upthread. The proportion of LGB people in London is significantly higher than in other areas. The North East has lower percentage of gay people than several other comparable areas, including Wales. LGB people have always traditionally left more provincial areas for the bright lights of big cities where their sexuality isn't such an issue and it seems that it's still happening.

I'm presuming you didn't pause for a moment to think it through rationally before lashing out.

There are 2 types of "Northern" folk, though I am sure this could be applied to all areas of the country. There are the ones that have lived in the area their entire lives and think they know the world but are very insular and narrow minded, for that very reason - they have never left. This tends to be more the small ex mining type communities. Yes these places can be very non welcoming of anything different.

If you are thinking of moving to Newcastle itself, then it will be more accepting as it is a relatively large city with a diverse mixture of people.

I grew up in West Cumbria (not the NE, but a small ex mining community) until I was 18 then moved to the North East for uni. The difference in the people was stark. A lot of these communities are isolated geographically and politically and they just haven't got a clue about how the world is now. It's not their fault, it just the way it is. More open minded people leave which exacerbates the issue as the population just gets older and older with no new ideas or concepts to deal with.

@mudgetastic

That is exactly what the op is worried about - that the homophobic north east is going to be a bad place to raise their kids - that they shouldn't move to the north east because the kids will be bullied due to homophobia , that no school in the north east will have kids with same sex parents

It might be that she's worried about that, but what she's actually saying is that she's worried her children will stand out, and be bullied.

You are just making up nonsense when you claim she said no school in the north east will have kids with same-sex parents. She didn't even begin to say this.

‘ Or are you somehow suggesting London simply has more gay people?’

Yes, London has more gay people! And Brighton as a % of the population has something like 4/5 times the National average .
Because what happens is gay people leave often leave their home villages, towns or even cities and go to places with reputations for tolerance and where they’ll meet other gay people.
It happens all over the world, not just in the U.K.