To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East?

[Rainallnight]

We are a two mum family and we adopted our DC.

We are contemplating a move to the North East, where DP is from.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying.

Any thoughts from anyone in that part of the world? AIBU?

If you're in Newcastle it's more likely there'll be other gay families.
If you're in a pit village it's less likely as the populations are so tiny (I have lived in both)

I live in rural.Northumberland. My Son works in a nursery. 3 families with same sex parents ( 2 are f/f one is m/m) in his early year group alone. When he was training and moving around schools and nuseries there was always at least 1 child with same sex parents, but often more. My eldest son was friends with a boy with same sex parents. My best friends sister is in a same sex marriage and has 2 kids. Pretty common. The south doesnt have the monopoly on same sex marriage!

According to the 2019 census the Office of National Statistics states that 3.8% of Londoners declared themselves LGB. The SE had 2.9%. Wales comes in third at 2.9%. The North East comes in in 9th place with 2.4%

And again, the error bars on the estimated gay population in each region are very large and the ONS clarifies any apparent difference like this:

Of the nine regions, only London showed a statistically significant difference in the proportion of people identifying as LGB to the other regions, which may be partly explained by the younger age structure of the London population.

@JaninaDuszejko

According to the 2019 census the Office of National Statistics states that 3.8% of Londoners declared themselves LGB. The SE had 2.9%. Wales comes in third at 2.9%. The North East comes in in 9th place with 2.4%

And again, the error bars on the estimated gay population in each region are very large and the ONS clarifies any apparent difference like this:

Of the nine regions, only London showed a statistically significant difference in the proportion of people identifying as LGB to the other regions, which may be partly explained by the younger age structure of the London population.

They are large, but ONS 2019 needs to be taken as part of a wide pattern. It's not a new thing that the NE looks to have fewer gay people than elsewhere; it's not a surprise that London has more.

I also think that, although of course it's useful to know that the larger numbers in London are because it's a younger population, in the context of this thread that's a red herring. It's still going to mean that gay people aren't going to stand out as much.

I wish ONS would collect stats on gay parents (if it does, or if anyone else does, I would love to know).

The "I'm from the north east and know the exact number of gays in the vicinity" type posts might just be telling you all you need to know OP

Wow. We're not all backwards in the North East you know.

Although I do agree that many places in the North East are not massively diverse in many areas I don't think you will face the issues you are concerned about. I have taught a number of pupils from same sex parents and have never been made aware by child or pupil of any bullying issues due to this. Children are very accepting of family differences and probably won't even bat an eyelid! Good luck with where ever you do decide to move!

By child or parent that was meant to say!

I can understand your concerns. I live in London and it is such a diverse place that often you aren't the 'only one' whether this be ethnicity/same sex parents/disability etc etc. I too would worry and I also think it depends where you are moving too. If it's a small village then possibly and realistically there is a probably a higher chance of being bullied or singled out. A city- then probably not so much. This is only my opinion and not based on any actual evidence

‘ Wow. We're not all backwards in the North East you know.’

That’s not what she’s saying! She’s saying there are less Rainbow Families, and statistically she’s right. There are less.

statistically she’s right. There are less.

The ONS link quite clearly says the differences aren't statistically significant (except London because of the younger demographic). And even if the differences were statistically significant you are talking about the difference between 3.8 (London) and 2.4 (NE).

There are 6.73 M pupils in 20.5 k schools in England so an average number of pupils per school of 328 (this will be slightly more than the average primary but let's keep the numbers simple). The average woman has 1.89 children, so lets say the average gay couple has 1.89 children total (unless someone has the statistics on gay parents). So in an average school of 328 children, consisting of 174 sibling groups then in London if 3.8 % of the parents are gay then that means 6.6 children in a school have gay parents whereas in the NE 4.2 children in a school would have gay parents. It's really not a massive difference. Kids with gay parents, even in the areas with the highest percentage of gay residents are always a minority.

@JaninaDuszejko

statistically she’s right. There are less.

The ONS link quite clearly says the differences aren't statistically significant (except London because of the younger demographic). And even if the differences were statistically significant you are talking about the difference between 3.8 (London) and 2.4 (NE).

There are 6.73 M pupils in 20.5 k schools in England so an average number of pupils per school of 328 (this will be slightly more than the average primary but let's keep the numbers simple). The average woman has 1.89 children, so lets say the average gay couple has 1.89 children total (unless someone has the statistics on gay parents). So in an average school of 328 children, consisting of 174 sibling groups then in London if 3.8 % of the parents are gay then that means 6.6 children in a school have gay parents whereas in the NE 4.2 children in a school would have gay parents. It's really not a massive difference. Kids with gay parents, even in the areas with the highest percentage of gay residents are always a minority.

The average gay couple is not having children, there are on average 3,500-4,000 adoptions per year in the UK, around 8-10% of those invole gay parent’s. A very small number of gay couples choose to have biological children rather than adoption. The last stats I saw had around 11-14% of gay households having children. Around 5% of people identify as gay, and only around 11-14% of that 5% have children.

‘The "I'm from the north east and know the exact number of gays in the vicinity" type posts might just be telling you all you need to know OP’

Ha! Yeah, this.
And knowing 1 or 2 gay families in the vicinity, doesn’t mean OPs kids won’t be unusual and as for all the ‘ no-one blinks an eye’ or ‘they’ve never had any problems from anyone’ comments - they’re 1) highly unlikely to be true 2) how the heck would you know from seeing them at the school gates a few times a week

@BloodyloveGeorge which is why I mentioned all the different types of families there are - rather than focussing on this particular family.
They will be in a minority wherever they go however if you look at all the different family types there are in the area you will see they aren't likely to stick out like a sore thumb but just be another family.
As I said before our village primary has single parents, windowed parents, children who live with grandparents, step families, gay parents, married and unmarried parents, very young parents and very old parents, adopted and fostered kids, disabled parents & children, traveller families, and many many more - the 'average' is a very mixed bag.
I'd be looking at how specific schools are and if they are welcoming and are good at getting kids to understand that families come in all shapes and sizes then that's the biggest hurdle rather than focussing on geography and perceived notions of the population.

@Simonjt thanks for those stats, I had no idea on the percentages. That suggests that even in London a child with gay parents is likely to be the only one in the school. Hebden Bridge in Yorkshire might be the best place for the OP to move to then.

‘ That suggests that even in London a child with gay parents is likely to be the only one in the school. ’

My experience of London is that is absolutely not true, and not only is it unlikely that they would be the only Rainbow family there, it’s also highly likely that many schools will have had RFs there before -
20/30 years before in some schools-
And therefore have experience of dealing with homophobia and are sensitive around what to do for things like Fathers Day when there’s two mums and other little things like that.
In the SE where we are our Infant, Junior and Secondary school choices all have had Rainbow Families attending for many, many years.
It makes a difference. Acceptance is much better and harder to come by sometimes than tolerance.

are sensitive around what to do for things like Fathers Day when there’s two mums and other little things like that

Oh come on, plenty of children don't live with fathers, that is not a lesbian parents specific issue. And all schools have children with backgrounds that require much more sensitive handling than a child who has two parents of the same sex. It's ridiculous to suggest that your quite standard family set up of 'child living with two loving parents' is going to cause major issues for your child or their school community wherever in the country they are.

In addition, your claim that all SE schools were a bastion of tolerance 20-30 years ago is somewhat at odds with the fact that Section 28 was only repealed in England in 2003 (several years after the northern country of Scotland).

I moved to a large, vibrant city in the north around 20 years ago. My experience is that when returning to the commuter belt, there is far more prejudice than where I live. It is not overt but it is there.
Our friends and neighbours are Jewish, Muslim, hindu etc and we all join each other's cultural celebrations as a matter of of course, not a curiosity. Ramadan starts next week and as usual lots of our friends and colleagues observe this- happens every year. Same for diwali etc.

There are loads of rural communities outside our city and this remains the same because people move out. Gay, black or brown- not really a problem. The biggest issue is being a 'blow in' and showing that you want to be part of the community. We are a mixed raced family and many of our friends are same sex.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying

Oh please don’t go north of the M25. You’ll be soooooo shocked. We’re all savages up here, and we talk funny, and we have NO IDEA about same sex couples or ANYTHING.

We also don’t like patronising gits, so while your son won’t be bullied, you might be told a few home truths.
.

No lesbians in the NE, trufax.

OP, you should not move to a place you are so prejudiced against.