To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East?

[Rainallnight]

We are a two mum family and we adopted our DC.

We are contemplating a move to the North East, where DP is from.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying.

Any thoughts from anyone in that part of the world? AIBU?

@kittensinthekitchen

I think "the north" has cities too.

Not sure how I can find out for sure, as my horse and cart won't travel far

You sound so balanced, is this due to having a chip on both shoulders??

When I read the title I thought it was referring to the dc's accents!!

Where in the north east were you thinking?

You sound so balanced, is this due to having a chip on both shoulders??

Absolutely 👍

I would suggest that cities are easier than small villages but I wouldn't be overly concerned, it's fairly common these days

I've lived in the NE for about 25yrs now although I originally come from the SW
I've lived in Newcastle and now in a village in Teesside.
I think you and your kids would be absolutely fine. People are generally welcoming and you certainly wouldn't be as much of an outlier as you think you would be. I couldn't guarantee you wouldn't get the odd sod who was a twat but generally kids would be fine. We have a few same sex families that we know well and even my DSs fairly traditional village Church of England primary is good at getting kids to understand that families come in all shapes and sizes. I think the traditional 'married mum dad and 2.4 kids notion' is not ingrained as we think it is and I find the kids at DSs school quite open to 2 mums/dads, single parents, step parents, kids living with grandparents, foster children, adopted children, married or unmarried, old parents and young parents .... because we actually seem to have a mix of all of them even in our village.

@wonkylegs

I've lived in the NE for about 25yrs now although I originally come from the SW I've lived in Newcastle and now in a village in Teesside. I think you and your kids would be absolutely fine. People are generally welcoming and you certainly wouldn't be as much of an outlier as you think you would be. I couldn't guarantee you wouldn't get the odd sod who was a twat but generally kids would be fine. We have a few same sex families that we know well and even my DSs fairly traditional village Church of England primary is good at getting kids to understand that families come in all shapes and sizes. I think the traditional 'married mum dad and 2.4 kids notion' is not ingrained as we think it is and I find the kids at DSs school quite open to 2 mums/dads, single parents, step parents, kids living with grandparents, foster children, adopted children, married or unmarried, old parents and young parents .... because we actually seem to have a mix of all of them even in our village.

Read this OP And then leave the thread Although given some of the responses, I’d reconsider moving to the NE (and what’s the chances posters are going to respond with lots of sarcastic “you will be missed!” )

Depends on the school. If they’re at prep school they’ll probably be fine. If they turn up to a low income school where everyone has the same accent and they have Southern accents they’ll be called “posh Londoners” and picked on a bit because of that. I would be concerned about a move like that yes.

The same sex relationship thing I think people on here are in denial about the fact that the North-East absolutely is more homophobic that areas like London or Brighton etc.

I wouldn’t make that move unless the DC were very young (young enough to pickup the NE accent fast ) or you can afford prep.

LowlyTheWormAberdeen's in a different country*

A different country from what? England. Yes. UK no. As usual all about England

I live in the North East. No same sex couple parents in my DDs class but I don't think anyone would care - both parents and kids. I live in a small town but there are trans people and plenty of gay people too. People just want to get on with their own lives. You might be unlucky and encounter some dicks but you run that risk wherever you go.

The NE does statistically have fewer LGBT people compared to the rest of England, so as someone who is LGBT and has children that would concern me. Also, unlike many areas in the NE the number of children waiting to be adopted outnumber adopters 3:1, so you essentially have a double whammy.

There are some great LGBT parenting networks, they often have local branches as well.

I'm from the north and in my DDs class there are 2 same sex parent couples both male and female and it doesn't make an ounce of difference the kids just crack on and the parents are very well liked by everyone

I used to teach at secondary school in NE for a decade. Left a couple of years ago. I’ve never not taught at least one student every year who had same sex parents and my schools weren’t in cosmopolitan areas. My DDs primary l school is very small and I’m not aware of any same sex parents, although there are a few in one of schools close by with a fairly ‘arty’ community. Thinking about our neighbours we have a number of male same sex couples but no females one - think this is due to women bring paid less and therefore aren’t able to afford to buy in our area.

I'm a northerner but you wouldn't know it because after going to school in the south i had my accent kicked out of me at junior school and adopted a bland sort of RP after that, so i know that there are concerns about sending kids who may be a little bit different from the rest could be concerning.

And yes, my first reply to the thread was completely flippant because, as other pp have pointed out, the North East (presumably of England) is not a homogenous mass in the same way the south east isn't etc. It has some rather sophisticated and diverse urban areas and some very small and insular rural communities and everything else in between.

Also, as it turns out, OPs partner is from up there. So there is a slight "in" there, isn't there? and are they going to where the DP is from or somewhere completely different? Do the DCs have an accent? is it southern? Are they, in fact, moving from the forbidden county to Yorkshire? The age of the DCs will play a part too.

There was so much information that might have been useful that wasn't given, so yes, flippant answers help pass the time until further info is given.

The op doesn’t say she’s worried she will encounter negative attitudes

She’s concerned about her CHILD and bullying

Come on- a big move and not the 2.4 nuclear family

Why be so harsh when a parent expressing a concern about their child being bullied

It might not sit nicely with you
But I’m guessing the op as a lesbian has encountered quite a bit of shit in her life from certain people and she just wants to do anything to limit that for her child

As for homophobia in school. 10 years ago, I would have conversations with teenagers about using the phrase “That’s gay” and they would be appalled that had been unwittingly homophobic but I with the increase of trans people I did notice an increase of homophobia in some teenagers too.

@DameHelena

I'm assuming that, rather than it being a specific insult about the 'north-east' (wherever that means), the OP currently lives somewhere densely populated and would be moving to a less densely populated area, and is thinking that just by there being fewer people there will be fewer families with same-sex parents.

Fewer bigots as well maybe!

Wonder why OP didn’t just say what you’ve said if that’s what they meant, then we wouldn’t have to assume anything.

Let’s face it, they think people up north are a bit ‘behind the curve’ to put it politely, or more likely to be prejudiced. Ironic!

My kids are at a school on the periphery of Durham City Centre, it’s more diverse than you might think. I don’t know of any single sex families but I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid.

@BarbaraofSeville

I do wonder if half the people on here have even read the original post properly

Of course they have.

The OPs title was 'To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East' which is clearly a ridiculous assertion.

She then goes on to say 'My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying'.

Again, ridiculous to assume that there are no families with same sex parents and that they would be made to feel less welcome in the whole of a large region of the UK.

Agree. No getting away from the fact that OP was generalising about a huge area of the country (which country?) which is silly and offensive.

Agree. No getting away from the fact that OP was generalising about a huge area of the country (which country?) which is silly and offensive.

What is offensive about it though? It's simply true that there aren't so many same-sex parent families in the north east. So her children might stand out.

I think OP the issue is with the way you phrased it.
NE NW SE SW are hardly relevant factors in this equation.
Moving from a major city to a tiny village may be more relevant. Moving from a diverse city to a less diverse so may be relevant. Moving from a big school to a small school could be relevant.
Geography on its own - not so much.

I'm in the NW in a town. We know a same sex couple with an adopted child. I know another couple with adopted children. A couple of people going through gender transition. Almany divorced parents. A few ethnic minorities (I'm one of them). A couple of children with significant special needs (IE of the kind that affects their appearance quite obviously). I am not in a diverse part of the country at all and it is a small town, small school etc pretty bland overall but even then i have come across a wide range of people and more importantly not seen any bullying based on any of the above.
My youngest has a genetic condition and i do worry a bit about her but on the main everyone has been incredibly kind and supportive.
People are not that often complete dicks. Focus on the actual area/community you are joining.

Bloody hell, beginning to see why people from up. Keith are said to be ‘chippy’ !

It's simply true that there aren't so many same-sex parent families in the north east.

Oops. Posted to soon. Can you justify this statement with some supporting figures?

Isn't it because the North East is less densely populated than where the OP lives.

Once again I agree with you @BarbaraofSeville.