To think my DC would stick out like a sore thumb in the North East?

[Rainallnight]

We are a two mum family and we adopted our DC.

We are contemplating a move to the North East, where DP is from.

My major concern is that our DC wouldn’t be at school with any other kids from a same sex family and, because it’s more unusual, would be more likely to be made to feel different. I also worry about bullying.

Any thoughts from anyone in that part of the world? AIBU?

Why does she think they will be bullied???? What does she say ... remind me ...

Because ... the north east .....????

Stop making excuses - originally I thought it was just badly worded but this doubling down makes me think that there are some horrible attitudes towards the north

Why should those children be more likely bullied in one region than another?? Please spell it out

I live in the most conservative, least diverse country town you could possibly imagine and both my DC have friends with same sex parents. I think the gays are out and proud pretty much everywhere these days

NW here and know several Same Sex parents, kids are completely unfazed. At high school it appears to be seriously uncool to be anything but accepting and tolerant, I would suggest if they are going to be bullied that this is not the topic that will be picked on.

‘ Why should those children be more likely bullied in one region than another?? Please spell it out’

They’re more likely to be picked on for being a Rainbow Family in places where LGBTQ+ people and families are rarer.
It’s why we’ll never move back to my home city. We’d be unusual, an oddity and that comes with attention, both good and bad.

The North East is a big place with huge differences in the population. There’s a huge difference between a Durham pit village and somewhere like Jesmond. Pick the right area and your children won’t stand out at all.

@mudgetastic

Why does she think they will be bullied???? What does she say ... remind me ...

Because ... the north east .....????

Stop making excuses - originally I thought it was just badly worded but this doubling down makes me think that there are some horrible attitudes towards the north

Why should those children be more likely bullied in one region than another?? Please spell it out

She says why.

She's worried they will stand out, and therefore be bullied.

It's perfectly clear.

Why does she say they will stand out? Remind me ?

Was it . Same sex parents

What do you call the bullying of people based on sexuality ? Was it homophobic?

So you are saying that the bullying as a result of same sex parents is not homophobic?

@mudgetastic

Why does she say they will stand out? Remind me ?

Was it . Same sex parents

What do you call the bullying of people based on sexuality ? Was it homophobic?

So you are saying that the bullying as a result of same sex parents is not homophobic?

I don't understand what you're struggling with (or pretending to struggle with) here.

In her OP, she doesn't presume to speculate about homophobia, which personally I think is probably appropriate when you're talking about children. But children sometimes do pick on another child who is 'different', and it can be hard to be the child who's the odd one out.

It's a perfectly natural worry to have.

I think the OP was roasted here and yet, isn't it a thing that anybody different heads to the bright lights and the big city. I'm not from the North East, I'm from Ireland but I think it's definitely a thing here that anybody gay or mixed race would take their dc to the city. So I get where OP is coming from. Saying that, my son is at an Educate Together school and I think the fundraisers for LGBTQ+/- kids don't raise an eyebrow in Dublin, there would be no cake sales for LGBTQ+/- in the tiny national schools still under the patronage of the catholic church.

@DefaultParent

Noone is trying to minimise your concerns OP. BUT your post is basically accusing everyone from the North East of being backward homophobes. Which is pretty ridiculous and small minded. Maybe you could specify where you are hoping to move and get some proper accounts of people that live there?

Of course people are minimising her concerns. If OP actually thought the entire NE was homophobic then it wouldnt even be consideration enough to even start the thread. Her partner is from the NE and is gay so clearly they do get gays up there. Surely its actually sensible to try and determine whether a new area might have more homophobic bullying culture than others. Its hardly an uncommon prejudice unfortunately. I was really careful when looking for secondary schools for my gay kid that i got a good feel for not just staff attitudes but asked kids and parents stuff too. It meant i decided against the catholic school that my other kid went to as i felt the amount of strictly religious eastern european kids and kids from african countries where being gay is illegal, might mean less acceptance than at some of the other local schools. That isnt me saying that everyone from those places or everyone who is catholic is going to be a massive homophobe because clearly that isnt the case. Its me being realistic about whether my kid would find a peer group and be welcomed, or whether theyd have to pretend they werent gay or be bullied. Noone needs to rush to defend the north east from some anonymous mumsnetter worried about being asked to move areas

@Lovelteers

‘ Or are you somehow suggesting London simply has more gay people?’

Yes, London has more gay people! And Brighton as a % of the population has something like 4/5 times the National average .
Because what happens is gay people leave often leave their home villages, towns or even cities and go to places with reputations for tolerance and where they’ll meet other gay people.
It happens all over the world, not just in the U.K.

But then Hebden Bridge has more lesbians per capita than any other place in the UK. Yes, more than Brighton.

It's not black and white (South good, North bad), you could have two outwardly identical ex-mining villages, one with half a dozen same-sex families, one where the doctors are still applying leeches. Just like two neighbourhoods in London may have very different attitudes.

The OP is worried that her children may be the only ones with their type of family. Rather than asking about the whole of the NE - there have been plenty of posts from residents to say that it's not unusual where they live, including some first-hand anecdotes from posters who are in same-sex relationships, and who are bringing up kids - she'd be better off being a little more specific about where they are thinking about. Especially as while officially the "North East" only starts at Darlington, many people also count Yorkshire.

Lol. To read the comments about trans people on here let's hope most of the UK isn't like MN

‘But then Hebden Bridge has more lesbians per capita than any other place in the UK. Yes, more than Brighton.’

Hebden doesn’t have more lesbians than Brighton. A larger percentage of the population are lesbian but it’s a much smaller population.
It’s also not in the North East…

@Wavypurple

It’s the NE of England not Saudi Arabia

Exactly!

@TheCatWearsPrada

Of course you shouldn't move! Everyone knows that the NE round up all same sex couples and ship them off to London

I heard they get pelted with avocados

@DdraigGoch there has also been people like myself who said it is unusual.
(But that it didn’t seem to attract any bullying). Racism and xenophobia on the other hand……

Selecting the posts that happen to agree with your pov doesnt help.

Seriously, OP - you're worried for your children, but there are plenty of people from the NE on here who advise that it won't be a problem.
Just make sure that if they come across it, they report it, as I'm sure you have encouraged them to do.

@Lovelteers

‘But then Hebden Bridge has more lesbians per capita than any other place in the UK. Yes, more than Brighton.’

Hebden doesn’t have more lesbians than Brighton. A larger percentage of the population are lesbian but it’s a much smaller population.
It’s also not in the North East…

Try re-reading, I quite clearly wrote "per capita".

Where do you live at the moment that you are so convinced there are more LGB parents than average? Hebden Bridge?

The NE is no better or worse than most areas for homophobia. In our NE town there are LBGT groups in all the secondary schools so there is support and while there are homophobic comments made by stupid kids (DD is in Y9 so exposed to the peak horrible behaviour) I'm not aware of systematic targetted bullying. The gay kids all seem to have a pretty tight friendship group anyway.

As a pp said, "the NE" is so big a region that it makes the question in the OP impossible to answer. As a region, it's not statistically more or less likely to have a sizeable gay community than, say, the South or the East. There's nothing in the air that prevents people being born gay up there.

Now if you asked about a particular town, or area of a city, you might get more helpful answers. It's not that gay couples move entirely away from a whole swathe of the country, but they might well find particular areas have a more comfortable vibe than others.

And for those who think that homophobia is gone in this country…

@Lovelteers

Who said that?

He’s from Yorkshire, but maybe that’s a coincidence.

🙄

As a region, it's not statistically more or less likely to have a sizeable gay community than, say, the South or the East. There's nothing in the air that prevents people being born gay up there.

But we know it is less likely to have a sizeable gay community, on account of having fewer gay people.

[quote SarahAndQuack]Or here's the ONS data (you have to scroll for it). www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/culturalidentity/sexuality/bulletins/sexualidentityuk/2019#uk-countries-and-english-regions[/quote]
Look at the error bars on that data. The only region that has statistically significantly more LGB identifying people than the NE is London. And as it says in the text that is related to the lower average age in London.

Isn't it the case than young women are less likely to identify as lesbians and more likely to identify as bi so an area with a higher average age may well actually have a higher proportion of women identifying as lesbian?

@saraclara

As a pp said, "the NE" is so big a region that it makes the question in the OP impossible to answer. As a region, it's not statistically more or less likely to have a sizeable gay community than, say, the South or the East. There's nothing in the air that prevents people being born gay up there.

Now if you asked about a particular town, or area of a city, you might get more helpful answers. It's not that gay couples move entirely away from a whole swathe of the country, but they might well find particular areas have a more comfortable vibe than others.

According to the 2019 census the Office of National Statistics states that 3.8% of Londoners declared themselves LGB. The SE had 2.9%. Wales comes in third at 2.9%. The North East comes in in 9th place with 2.4%.

Here's the link www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/culturalidentity/sexuality/bulletins/sexualidentityuk/2019

It's not about being born gay. It's about whether people choose to remain in an area or not. It looks as if there's migration from the NE (and the NW too) to elsewhere. Only northerners will know why, but several have already cited 'traditional' attitudes.

Statistically the OP's child has a higher chance of being the only child with two mummies in a school in the north than in the south.

‘ Statistically the OP's child has a higher chance of being the only child with two mummies in a school in the north than in the south.’

Pretty much what OP is worried about, but somehow genuine concerns about homophobia from a gay woman has been turned into accusations of bigotry against northerners 😅