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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I break up their engagement?

247 replies

Butterfly3105 · 12/03/2022 01:39

So my AIBU is simple I realised I'm in love with a guy i met in Uni, I used to casually see on/ off for around 10 years, and suddenly he's met someone and they're engaged, we were still flirting when this new relationship started (which is annoying) when he told me about the wedding his words were "You had so many chances"

So.. my question is should I tell him how I feel before it's too late and potentially ruin the engagement? Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Butterfly3105 · 12/03/2022 20:35

@SALTyartist

Why did you even start this thread? You know exactly what you are going to do.

For the record, even before I was married I would have though this was shitty behaviour on your part, because it is. You saw him first but guess what, he didn’t want you as his wife first did he? The 10 years on and off is enough evidence that you aren’t likely to work or it would have been on, not off.

He sounds like he might be flattered and fall for a “romantic” confession of love but it’s it’s not exactly setting any relationship off for a good start if it’s founded in betrayal of someone else for selfish gains.

You are obviously going to do what you want to do but Ron coms aren’t reality and unless you can genuinely see a long term relationship with this man following your confession of love and you fully trust that his only reason for breaking off things with his current fiancé is based in genuine feelings and not just a rose tinted promise of a few nostalgic and guaranteed shags, I’d leave well alone as it seems like a recipe for heartbreak for everyone involved.

Thank you this is the best reply yet, i think you're being realistic about my chances and that is all I wanted to know, thanks
OP posts:
PiperPosey · 12/03/2022 22:57

@Butterfly3105

Guess what people he's NOT married yet therefore I can tell him what I like, now is my only chance to, I can't exactly tell him when he's married! I knew him first and it was always timing and awful circumstances that got in the way! Thank you for all your comments (completely different to my friends, I think that's probably because it's coming from married women?) I will tell him and all let you know what happens Smile
I SAW HIM FIRST!!!!! Wah, WAHHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHH
Should I break up their engagement?
FavouritePi · 13/03/2022 00:07

Well you can try what you want, I'm sure you have nothing to lose but if you drive a wedge between him and her, he won't forgive you.

This is equivalent to a child who now wants a toy that another has. You tried it on when they first got together, he still had the relationship with her. You're pushing it now he's shown he can commit to someone and you want that.

Go and find yourself - I mean that in the nicest possible way. Find out what you feeling this and wanting to profess your undying love to him really means because it seems like you've wasted 10 years on and off and you could have been finding someone to actually commit to you too. Clearly it hasn't worked with him. It might be less about him and more that sadness that might be fueling you right now.

StoneofDestiny · 13/03/2022 00:11

What a vile and selfish suggestion. Go and find some other mug to take you on - leave the couple to their happiness.

Yaya26 · 13/03/2022 00:43

God you sound like a d - - k. Knock yourself out but I hope he stays with his fiancée.

PiperPosey · 13/03/2022 04:56

@Monty27

www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1723492/Video-Hilarious-drag-queen-interrupts-wedding-singing-shouldve-me.html

Good luck with that 🤣

OMG funniest shit I've seen in awhile...hahahhhahha Grin YEP.. OP is exactly like that....
Should I break up their engagement?
Monty27 · 13/03/2022 05:02

@PiperPosey sad isn't it.
Hard school of knocks is required 👍🏼🙂

lemongreentea · 13/03/2022 07:02

@Butterfly3105

Guess what people he's NOT married yet therefore I can tell him what I like, now is my only chance to, I can't exactly tell him when he's married! I knew him first and it was always timing and awful circumstances that got in the way! Thank you for all your comments (completely different to my friends, I think that's probably because it's coming from married women?) I will tell him and all let you know what happens Smile
yes do let us us know, are you going to wait until the wedding day just before the vows for drmatic effect?

You sound delusional and immature. Feel bad for anyone who has you as a partner.

booplefloof · 13/03/2022 07:42

Rachel, is that you???

HELLITHURT · 13/03/2022 08:46

@lemongreentea I predict a huge rendition Of it should have been me by Yvonne Fair!

GrinGrin

RealBecca · 13/03/2022 09:02

Update us in 10 years.

Hes playing with your head and if you "win" it will be short lived.

People arent saying dont do it because they are married. They've just dated a dickhead in the past and k ow that love isnt drama

MrsToothyBitch · 13/03/2022 09:20

I'm engaged at the moment, a male now friend former fwb is really funny about DP. If he tried this, I'd give him a similar line to what you were told- you had so many chances. I think that was your answer - HAD. Get over it.

I'm also guessing they're pretty secure if you're invited. I wouldn't countenance you getting an invite otherwise and if I thought you'd wreck my day, no way. Not just saying this as I'm coupled up, either- if you were my friend I'd be warning you not to do this in case it really blew up in your face.

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 13/03/2022 09:20

C u next Tuesday then.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 13/03/2022 09:42

I'm not sure why you think we'll be on the edge of our seats waiting for your update. Is it not clear from the replies what most of us think you are?

Original poster
Butterfly3105 · 13/03/2022 10:46

@WouldIwasShookspeared

I'm not sure why you think we'll be on the edge of our seats waiting for your update. Is it not clear from the replies what most of us think you are?
I actually wasn't talking to you, there were actually some people that have me really good advice
OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 13/03/2022 11:57

I actually wasn't talking to you, there were actually some people that have me really good advice

Said the petulant five year old! It's an open forum you're addressing everyone who is on it!!

user1473878824 · 13/03/2022 12:44

@PiperPosey

OK...I've thought about it...

If you are 100% positive that you are absolutely in love with him. You would marry him tomorrow..then tell him.

If you don't feel the aforementioned then I would say don't.
Nothing hurts more than unrequited love.

Having your engagement ruined by someone deciding they’re in love probably hurts quite a bit.
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 13/03/2022 12:52

Lol OP

Pretty much everyone has told you not to do this - because it would be a horrible thing to do.

Lots of us think you're a shitty individual for even considering it.

BulletTrain · 13/03/2022 12:52

Ha. "Bad timing". Meaning "At alternate times we both found people we liked better/wanted to sleep with more".

FreyaMaya · 13/03/2022 13:03

You're listening to one person on this whole thread. So you only came here to hear the response you want! OP he doesn't want you! Get over yourself.
You sound like a jealous unhinged individual. I bet your bottom dollar he won't leave his fiancé for you.
Crack on and make yourself look like the jealous woman child you are

beastlyslumber · 13/03/2022 13:04

I don't think you're necessarily a shitty person, OP. I think that you can only be this limerent/deluded if there is some real emptiness in your life.

You are only going to get more hurt by pursuing this man. Try and focus on yourself instead. Maybe it would help to find a therapist or counsellor.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 13/03/2022 13:21

How odd. Why would I need to think you were talking directly to me in order to post?

Do you think people can only speak when spoken to on the internet?

You understand how forums work, right? The whole starting a thread inviting opinions thing?

You chose to put your situation on the internet and to invite views. If you don't like them that's tough shit. What you are planning to do is selfish. You're going to do it regardless but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do or that posters should pretend it is.

huuskymam · 13/03/2022 13:32

You've had 10 years to tell him, don't do it now that he's found someone else.

LittleMissMoggy · 13/03/2022 13:41

OP.... Honestly if you really felt that way about him why has it taken a decade and him being unavailable to finally tell him? Please reflect more on this as I just don't believe you are in love with him. This is about you.... Not having that ego boost from him on tap? Losing your youth? Whatever it is, it's highly unlikely to be love. Complex romances are just a fiction, in real life no one finds you self centered indecision romantic.