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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I break up their engagement?

247 replies

Butterfly3105 · 12/03/2022 01:39

So my AIBU is simple I realised I'm in love with a guy i met in Uni, I used to casually see on/ off for around 10 years, and suddenly he's met someone and they're engaged, we were still flirting when this new relationship started (which is annoying) when he told me about the wedding his words were "You had so many chances"

So.. my question is should I tell him how I feel before it's too late and potentially ruin the engagement? Xx

OP posts:
Poppins2016 · 12/03/2022 04:26

"you had so many chances"

Him saying that seems manipulative and designed to provoke a reaction (maybe even exactly this reaction?).

Was this sort of behaviour (throwing crumbs, mind games) part of the usual on again/off again dynamic?

As others have said, you both had chances and didn't take them, presumably for good reasons... if you did say something do you think (based on past behaviour) the relationship would work out or would it just be another (ego satisfying, for him) round of 'on again'...

Poppins2016 · 12/03/2022 04:36

As for saying something... only you can make that decision and only you know how it might be received. If he truly loves the other woman, he'll say no and it won't make a difference anyway. But do think through potential future consequences...

moonbedazzled · 12/03/2022 04:36

Didn't Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz already do this plot?

Monty27 · 12/03/2022 04:39

You can't have him he's in love and marrying someone else.
Too late OP.
Find someone else.

1forAll74 · 12/03/2022 04:39

Just leave it be, there is someone more important in his life now, you have to realise this.

Monty27 · 12/03/2022 04:41

What makes you think your reappearance will break up his future plans to marry someone else?
Grow up it's not a movie or an awful novel.

Sagealicious · 12/03/2022 04:58

You do realise there's another person involved don't you? What you had was in the past, don't set out to ruin their future just so you can relive the past.

Lifeismeh · 12/03/2022 05:00

@veganmayo

He also had so many chances if that was a what he wanted from you, but it obviously wasn’t.
Agreed.

He’s met someone he cares about more than you, otherwise he would have told you already.
Don’t embarrass yourself.

Monty27 · 12/03/2022 05:02

Take it with grace and dignity OP
💐

Lunalicious · 12/03/2022 05:03

Julia?

SilverDoe · 12/03/2022 05:14

I don't think I could ever be content in a relationship that started with a guy knowing me, me being interested in him, but him going off and getting literally engaged to someone else.

In the beginning of a relationship you should be swept off your feet and feel utterly adored. You will never have that with this guy.

Againstmachine · 12/03/2022 05:16

You are selfish and only want him now because someone else is going to be marrying him.

Stop being jealous and be happy for him.

needingpeace · 12/03/2022 05:16

What happens if he breaks up with her? Are you going to marry him?

SpringBeavers · 12/03/2022 05:33

Sounds like you are on a bit of an ego trip tbh. If either of you had wanted it to work you would have amde it work. Don't stamp your feet and wail 'but he's mine' now.

2021s · 12/03/2022 06:09

You don’t really want him, you just don’t want anyone else to have him.

Ddot · 12/03/2022 06:10

Yes tell him if he feels the same way then his fiancee has had a lucky escape. He may still have feelings for you which is unfair on her. He may on the other hand love this lady and tell you to do one.

DrSbaitso · 12/03/2022 06:13

No. He had chances too and made his choice. Leave them alone.

KatherineJaneway · 12/03/2022 06:15

@TabithaTittlemouse

Nope. You want what you can’t have.
Totally
DrSbaitso · 12/03/2022 06:20

I'd also add that making comments like that to you on announcing his engagement suggests he isn't much of a prize anyway.

Baaaa · 12/03/2022 06:23

Should I break up their engagement?

What on earth makes you think he'll break up the engagement for you now?

AnIconOfImperfections · 12/03/2022 06:25

I he really wanted you, he wouldn’t have got engaged to someone else.

Stop living your life as if you’re in Hollyoaks and find someone unattached

TheVanguardSix · 12/03/2022 06:28

You snooze you lose... both of you fell asleep at the wheel.
He's chosen someone he wants to spend his life with. That someone is not you.
Sorry to sound harsh. I've been in your shoes... twice. You just have to get over the fact that you're not 'it'. But you will be 'it' for someone who matters. Invest in the future, not the past. Lick your wounds. It does hurt, I know. But you'll get over him soon. He didn't matter nearly as much as you think. You would have levelled up on the flirting ages ago if he really did matter more. I think you're just a bit bruised is all. Flowers

OverByYer · 12/03/2022 06:28

@moonbedazzled

Didn't Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz already do this plot?
This.
RedHelenB · 12/03/2022 06:36

I doubt you'd break up with he engagement if you did declare your life for him but could well do-it-yourself in " OW " territory.

Lubeyboobyalt · 12/03/2022 06:38

he's taking the piss love and being a dramatic wee shite - keep your dignity, move on, gob shut.