Should I break up their engagement?

[Butterfly3105]

So my AIBU is simple I realised I'm in love with a guy i met in Uni, I used to casually see on/ off for around 10 years, and suddenly he's met someone and they're engaged, we were still flirting when this new relationship started (which is annoying) when he told me about the wedding his words were "You had so many chances"

So.. my question is should I tell him how I feel before it's too late and potentially ruin the engagement? Xx

No this sounds horrible for everyone involved. I understand that you’re hurting but you need to respect his choice OP.

I’ve actually seen this situation play out in real life. It was the other way around though. The woman in the on again/off again relationship moved on with someone else, when she got engaged the original man realised what he was losing, and decided to fly across the world and declare his love for her. She broke off her engagement and married him instead.

I remember thinking that he just wanted her now he couldn’t have her and that they would soon split again, but they’ve been married for a while now, have children and seem very happy.

As PPs have said, if you’re going to do it you need to be absolutely certain that you want a life with him, not just that you don’t want him to marry someone else. You also have to acknowledge that you might humiliate yourself if he says no.

He sounds like a prize, you both do.

His poor fiancé.

You need to wait till closer to the wedding, then travel there and tell him. With any luck, he'll say your name at the altar and then you'll know how he feels.

You say you want to tell him and see what happens. Sorry but you had long enough to realise you had feelings for him.
He’s joked you’ve missed your chance. Either he was using you for fun or he previously liked you but has now moved on.
I worry you’ll get yourself hurt by confessing your love for him. He will either not respond or tell you he’s getting married. He’s not been forced into this proposal by the sounds of it so he wants to be with his partner.
I’d say leave them be, don’t go to the wedding and try move on.

@kittensinthekitchen

You need to wait till closer to the wedding, then travel there and tell him. With any luck, he'll say your name at the altar and then you'll know how he feels.

And don’t forget to wear white and take your gay best friend

When it happens everyone will cheer and the bride will go off sobbing, and the vicar will marry you two and it will be like a film.

So now he’s no longer available he has suddenly become more attractive?

@Butterfly3105, your latest post about how he’ll probably marry her anyway, but with an inflated ego, is terribly silly — are you really young? Do you actually love this person, or are you just flexing your own ego here? Imagine he says ‘I choose you’ after you declare your feelings and breaks off his engagement and causes enormous pain and distress — are you prepared to spend your life with him? Do you even want to?

You both had so many chance to evolve the relationship into something more and now that he is no longer available you realise you love him?

Don't do it. Both of you never made a go of things when you had the chance, so why now? Because he's moved on and you don't like it? I don't mean that in a mean way - I think it's normal to need some adjusting time when someone you care for or have cared for in the past moves on and the dynamic changes.

Back off and have some space - if you acted now it would be a knee-jerk reaction.

If you truly wanted something to happen it already would have when the option was there.

If you don't want to go to the wedding, you can say no.

This is really sad, OP. Ask yourself why you'd want a man who doesn't want you? Nothing in his behaviour suggests that he is in love with you - big clue: he's marrying someone else.

I feel for you. If you were happy and life was good, you wouldn't be dreaming about a man who you don't love and doesn't love you. It's limerance, and it's very painful. Check out the 'crappy childhood fairy' on youtube - she talks about this a lot and has good advice.

And definitely don't go to the wedding. Wish them well from a distance, and focus on your own life now.

I'm trying to think what I would do if I wanted to ask someone to marry me. Thinking, thinking, wait, it's coming to me. Oooh I know, I would ask that person. So, did the dude ask you? No, he didn't. He asked someone else. Wake up and smell the coffee. And don't waste the happy couple's money by accepting their invitation.

The old adage ' If it's meant to be it'll be' is so apt here. If it was meant to be for you it would have happened before. Seriously.

When I was younger I treated a great man pretty badly: on-off when it suited me. I married someone else. I ended up divorcing and had a real, golden memory of how great he was. We picked it up again and I'd clearly mucked him about so much before he just wouldn't commit. I thought I was heart-broken, missed my chance and all that, he married someone else. In actual fact it WASN'T meant to be, I just thought it was. I met my DH a while later and that WAS meant to be, quite clearly from the first moment. 12 years later it completely is meant to be. It's often only when you get the real thing you realise what was going on in the past.

Lovely man is very happily married, thankfully, and his wife is a very lucky woman as he is lovely, he just wasn't for me.

also, OP, stop writing "wanna" as though you're 13

@2021s

You don’t really want him, you just don’t want anyone else to have him.

Absolutely. Is this another piss take like the Fulham Aga?

Being in love does not mean you have to act.

@Brefugee

also, OP, stop writing "wanna" as though you're 13

This, definitely

@YupNameChangeAgain

@Sux2buthen

Which guy did Janet marry ???
I need to know !

OOOPs... The handsome choir guy she travelled through Europe with...
Janet and I returned all gifts from shower and those she got for wedding... ( and got money for them) hahahha
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... to each and every person...

Did his mum burn all the letters you wrote him, every day for a year? Maybe you should try renovation an old house so well it gets in the news, then as he's trying on his wedding suit, he will see it and understand it's code for you being in love with him, will leave his fiance and come to you.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you're supposed to be together. It sounds like you've messed him around and now he's having a go at it with someone else. His comment also makes me thing he anticipates some drama. Usually you wouldn't feel the need to specify this on a wedding invite!

I would tell him for his fiancée’s sake. If he’s not completely committed to her and willing to dump her for you then she should know before she marries him.

@moonbedazzled

Didn't Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz already do this plot?

bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhahahhaha

and I'll never forget this line..
"If you are chasing him, who is chasing you?" Rupert Everett

OP if he truly liked you he wouldn’t be getting engaged.

If you tell him and he doesn’t break off the engagement (which he won’t) then you’re the one that’s going to end up getting hurt.

You obviously don’t like him either you are just panicking because he was always a back up and now you can’t have him.

Give your head a wobble and keep your dignity.
If you think going to the wedding will be too hard then make your excuses and don’t go.

@speakout

Nothing hurts more than unrequited love.

There are things that hurt more.

It was just a figure of speech

It's all good

What Hugh Laurie said to Rachel! 😋

I changed my mind OP...
I was being an overly sensitive Cancer Moonchild romantist.

Go to the Chapel and pound on the door and let the groom run to you down the aisle and then jump on a bus.

READ the room. He's just not into you anymore. Or ever...ON and off for 10 years?