Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I break up their engagement?

247 replies

Butterfly3105 · 12/03/2022 01:39

So my AIBU is simple I realised I'm in love with a guy i met in Uni, I used to casually see on/ off for around 10 years, and suddenly he's met someone and they're engaged, we were still flirting when this new relationship started (which is annoying) when he told me about the wedding his words were "You had so many chances"

So.. my question is should I tell him how I feel before it's too late and potentially ruin the engagement? Xx

OP posts:
Neverendingdust · 12/03/2022 07:47

A hunch says you’ll try regardless of the advice here saying not to. Good luck to his fiancée if you’ll be forever lurking in the background.

springtimeishereagain · 12/03/2022 07:51

Why would it ruin the engagement? He'd probably say no thank you and skip back to his fiancée! Why do you want what you can't have?

EatYourVegetables · 12/03/2022 07:52

You watched too many romantic comedies growing up. Please stop.

autienotnaughty · 12/03/2022 07:53

I think if he really wanted you he wouldn't have got engaged and he would have laid his cards on the table. I would move on and probably wouldn't go to the wedding.

dworky · 12/03/2022 07:55

What makes you so sure it would break up their engagement?
Surely you should respect his choice?

Elsiebear90 · 12/03/2022 07:58

Your thread title makes you sound extremely entitled, like you think you genuinely have enough power over this guy you can make him cancel his wedding for you, and that’s despite him basically telling you to get lost already!

I would like to give you what is probably his perspective as someone who I was seeing on and off for years (because she was messing me around) did this to me, and I said the exact same thing to them “you had so many chances already, it’s too late”. I didn’t appreciate her sudden “realisation”, I don’t think it was genuine, it was just wanting what she couldn’t have and not wanting to lose someone who was always her fallback option. I also had no doubt that if I was stupid enough to end my relationship for her then it wouldn’t last anyway because she had so many opportunities when I was actually single and wanted to be in a relationship with her and she wasn’t interested.

So yeah you can tell him, but I highly doubt he’s going to leave her for you. He’s probably sick of your on and off nonsense he’s dealt with for 10 years and is happy he’s finally met someone who will commit to him.

lemongreentea · 12/03/2022 07:59

just tell him, whats the worst that could happen? he will immediately tell his fiancée and she will probably tell all your mutual friends. you sound like you love the drama so...

Lovemusic33 · 12/03/2022 07:59

You need to move on, you had your chance, known him for ten years and could have made your move, it’s only now someone else has him that you want him. Let him get married and forget about him.

LadyPropane · 12/03/2022 07:59

If he was that bothered about you he would have proposed to you at some point in the last decade. He didn't.

I'd politely decline the wedding invite and say nothing more to him about your feelings. Walk away with your head held high and move on with your life.

DancingBarefootOnIce · 12/03/2022 08:01

I think it’s common when someone becomes unavailable to suddenly find an interest in them. It doesn’t mean it’s deep or real. It’ll pass and you’ll realise it was just a moment of panic at a back up being unavailable.

WhatsWithAllTheCarrots · 12/03/2022 08:01

[quote Sux2buthen]**@PiperPosey* @YupNameChangeAgain*
Yes please, I also need to know Grin[/quote]
I also wondered which it was... I think she married the tour guy!

KitKat1985 · 12/03/2022 08:06

Don't do it. Don't be that person.
It obviously wasn't meant to be for you and him anyway or else you wouldn't have been 'off' so many times.

otille · 12/03/2022 08:09

Why don't you spend that time and energy looking for professional help instead.
Because you need it, obsessing over an ex who is happy and in love.

'Break up his engagement' - LOL. You think you're something special don't you Grin hopefully his fiancée would laugh at you.

Move on OP. Find someone and find you own happily ever after.

DoingAway · 12/03/2022 08:16

You don’t love him you just think you do because you can’t have him now. It’s a very powerful feeling, I know because it happened to me once. It passed, I certainly did not love him or want to be with him in reality.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 12/03/2022 08:21

Get over yourself. When I got engaged, if an ex came back to me saying that it wouldn't have made a difference. His engagement is about how he feels not about how you feel
Grow up and move on

Chakraleaf · 12/03/2022 08:21

No. Cut your losses

Clarinet1 · 12/03/2022 08:23

My first thought was if he said the “So many chances” thing, either he really wants you so he’s messing the fiancée around or he really loves her and he’s messing you around. Is either a basis for a good relationship?

Ponchek · 12/03/2022 08:23

@Lubeyboobyalt

he's taking the piss love and being a dramatic wee shite - keep your dignity, move on, gob shut.
This.

He kind of said it to you in a 'look what you could have had' type way.

No v nice really. Maybe that's why you haven't fallen in love and married him over the past 10 years.

You should be able to tell him and it make no difference to his engagement, if he really loves his future wife.

Viviennemary · 12/03/2022 08:23

How ridiculous and mean of you if you try and break this engagement. I think he meant it in a light joking way and probably would be horrified to know you took him seriously.

Bootothegoose · 12/03/2022 08:33

No...

You don't love him, you love the idea of him.

Back off and move on with your life with your dignity intact.

HikingforScenery · 12/03/2022 08:37

He doesn’t sound great tbh. You dodged a bullet there. “You had so many chances”? He sounds so full of himself. Good luck to the fiancée

Lalliella · 12/03/2022 08:38

You just want what you can’t have.

He was probably joking when he said that to you about chances.

Move on.

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 12/03/2022 08:38

Oh ffs.
Imagine being his fiance here, how the hell would you feel if you fell in love and a bunny boiling ex came back on the scene and tried to break you up. I've been there, it's horrible, the stress...the arguments...the trust etc.
It's mad your considering it, if you do...you are damn well cruel. Grow up and move on.

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2022 08:48

Yeah that's what I wanna do just tell him so he knows how much a I care/ cared about him. I doubt it'll break up his engagement but it might stop me being invited to the wedding which I am

That's an excellent idea OP, thank you.

The next time I get invited to a wedding I don't want to attend, I'll claim to be in love with the groom.

I think we need to follow you for more avoidance tips. Do you do Christenings and Bar Mitzvahs too? 🤔

ChopinBoard · 12/03/2022 08:49

Yikes!