Should I break up their engagement?

[Butterfly3105]

So my AIBU is simple I realised I'm in love with a guy i met in Uni, I used to casually see on/ off for around 10 years, and suddenly he's met someone and they're engaged, we were still flirting when this new relationship started (which is annoying) when he told me about the wedding his words were "You had so many chances"

So.. my question is should I tell him how I feel before it's too late and potentially ruin the engagement? Xx

Selfish much?

You've been seeing him on and off casually for 10 years? If he wanted to, he'd have asked you to marry him in that time. Instead he's asked someone else. Let him get on with his life.

Depends entirely on the on again / off again nature of your previous relationship. What happened that flicked the "off" switch. If it's you instigating the break ups then no, I don't think you should tell him at all. It just sounds then like maybe you're scared he's found someone else. Heart wants what it can't have and all...

I’ve been on the opposite side of this - an ex who’d had umpteen chances of a proper relationship with me on and off over a decade or so suddenly decided to declare his love for me only when I met someone else.

I did not react with delight and end my new relationship, but instead just felt total contempt for my ex and cut him out of my life completely. Still blissfully happy with my lovely DP 19 years later.

Don’t be that person who only wants someone to stop someone else from having them. When someone says ‘you had so many chances’ that generally means you don’t have any more of them. He’s chosen someone else now. Get over it.

Nope. You literally had 10 years to realise! You just want what you can't have.

I would advise you not to and please imagine the destruction it would cause if you were this man's fiancee. 10 years is a long time and I suspect it's a case of wanting what you can't have and will potentially never be readily available to you again. However if you are intent on doing so, please act sooner rather than later, save the poor woman further indignity, heartbreak and potentially astronomical costs of a wedding. Be prepared for a massive fall out and if you share friends, for people to cut you off. I wouldn't want that drama in my life personally but you do you.

Grow up. Leave him alone. Don't go to the wedding.

This thread is the plot to Something Borrowed

Don't make a fool of yourself

Grow up. You didn't want him, you don't want him, you just liked the attention.

Time to move on OP. Let this man get on with his life and find yourself someone new.

Nothing hurts more than unrequited love.

There are things that hurt more.

You sound about 12 @Butterfly3105

@PiperPosey

My Girlfriend was going to get married. Before her wedding she went to a church choir outing and traveled through Europe for 6 weeks.

She had a month to do the final touches to the big day and a day before the wedding...flowers, cake, hall, everything for a big expensive wedding..
She told her mom that she had fallen in love with a guy on the European tour. Sobbing all the way through the confession.

Her mother said, " If this is true love Janet we will cancel the wedding your happiness is all we care about."
Janet has been married for 25 years to the absolute love of her life with 2 kids.

So if it's that kind of love...I would say..." Go for it..." if not let them live happily ever after.

Which guy did Janet marry ??? I need to know !

Hmm I dunno but I feel that you think you’re the one calling the shots when in fact it’s the other way around. By saying what he did to you he gets to get on with a more serious relationship while still keeping you exactly where he wants you-a go to for an easy lay-(because you will still shag him, engaged or not won’t you?). Either way neither of you sound very nice, so I just feel sorry for the poor girl caught in the middle really.

Isn’t this the plot of every other film / tv / book

You do need to think why you both waited ten years
You chose that

Oh stop it! Both you and the Groom to be sound notionally romantic. Neither of you ever bother to pursue a relationship with each other in 10 years 🤣 Now you are both going to indulge in the "it should've been you"
In a way you would deserve each other, the conceit!

Sorry but you shouldn’t say. I know it’s tough seeing him with someone else. I’ve been in the same position but sadly it won’t change anything if you tell him. In fact you’ll probably feel a bit worse knowing you put yourself out there for him.
You two had a long time to make it work. Truth is he didn’t see it working with you and met someone else that he actively pursued and proposed to.

@PiperPosey @YupNameChangeAgain
Yes please, I also need to know

This isn't a rom-com. Sounds like you suddenly want him because someone else does. He's more interesting now or something. Leave it alone.

To put it bluntly: don’t be that bitch.

What are you expecting to come from it? If he wanted you he would be with you. Move on.

No.

You’re so used to walking away from him these past 10 years, that you will continue to be just as whimsical, coming and going into his life. You WANT that to remain an option, but should he get married, that puts a spanner in the works for you.

If you had any respect for him, you’d appreciate he is trying to make a permanent future for himself which involves settling down and having a chance at family life. Let him enjoy his new beginnings.

Don’t worry Op - just walk into the wedding at the last minute and maybe he’ll say your name at the alter ( you are called Rachel - right ? )

OP I think you have your head in the clouds....

We went to a wedding once where the bride openly said to my then dp (now dh) that he’d missed his chance.

It’s been ten years, so I’m guessing you’re around thirty. If it were going to happen, it would have happened by now. Maybe you presumed he would always be there for you, and now he’s not.

Don’t be the third cog in their relationship up. Be happy for them. He’s made his choice.