To wonder how mums who don't have a job outside the home feel when their children leave the nest?

[Runninghat]

I'm so grateful for my career now my children are growing up and leaving home as it is something that distracts me from missing them. What do you do if you don't have that? One mum friend has gone back to work part -time and is loving it. Another has not got a job but I do worry about how she will feel when her youngest leaves home.

I would be quite happy if I never had to work again, tbh. I would fill my days no problem whatsoever.

At this stage of my life if I were looking forward to my son leaving home AND not having to work I'd be absolutely delighted.

I know of course that feeling lost and sad when ds actually goes is quite likely; he's been my top priority for 18 years so of course. And if I didn't have to work I'd soon gather a bunch of voluntary jobs, which used to be expected of women - people didn't often do nothing, in fact, then or now.

Why are you worried about it? She'll probably find something else to do. Not everyone loves their job and not everyone finds it a consolation anyway when dcs leave home.

Loads of people hate their jobs and would be much happier if they could effectively take early retirement which I guess is what SAHM have after their kids leave home. There’s no reason why they’d feel it more/ less than other parents.

On the basis that she manages to fill her days now I am sure she will manage to fill them then too without the restriction of having to be home to sort out teenagers

I hate my job and would happily never work again. I could find plenty to do with my day to distract myself from missing my DCs.

God what an awful insinuation that mums who don't work have nothing but their children in the lives.

Ummm this would be my dream 🤣😅🤣😅🤣

@Ringingfromthetops

I would be quite happy if I never had to work again, tbh. I would fill my days no problem whatsoever.

Sorry but this is me!

When people ask me what my dream job is, I say nothing. I'd love to get paid and not work at all.

I'm currently on maternity leave with my second and will have 2 under 1. I won't be returning to work straight away and when I do it'll be part time. However if I could never work again then I'd do that.
These women are living my dream

What exactly are you worried about?
Stop being so bloody patronising.

They socialise, pursue hobbies, paint nails, watch Netflix. Exactly what they do when kids are off to school full time!
If you like to work, please do. Some people have the luxury of not having to work for a living. They have everything provided.

It’s quite a gradual transition kids growing up anyway so can imagine your friend will have no doubt found ways to fill her time one way or another by the time they get to that stage. I really wouldn’t worry about her. It’s unlikely she hasn’t thought about it and and yet decided she’s made the best decision for her family and her. I love my career but don’t do it just to have something to do when the kids leave home, who knows what I might be doing by then anyway. Plenty of people can’t continue or change their career for health or other reasons?

This is an odd thread🙄

I would stop worrying about other adult women who have raised families and I’m sure will have the resources to deal with any changes in their circumstances!

They’ve probably been worrying about you being under extreme mental pressure having to keep those plates spinning all these years!

Or is this just a goady thread getting at SAHMs?

Can't say it keeps me awake thinking about it, she I'll miss them like anyone else, pretty sure I'll cope like everyone else, might do a course, might start walking more, might start painting, might decorate the hall like I've been meaning too, might go to the cafe more, might read or watch TV a bit more, pretty sure I'll cope, hope my friends aren't as patronising.

Im very grateful for my career now my kids are teens and one goes to Uni this year. Im able to throw myself into that now they don’t need me as much and I won’t be worried about them going. I know a few people who haven’t worked for year and wonder how they will get on

Well, I'm trying to find a job

But that's not because of any emotional emptiness in my soul, it's because a change in circumstances means we need the money

If I won half a million tomorrow I would stop looking.

I spent 20 years preparing my children to leave, and now they're doing it. Success!

It's a pity it's not distracting you enough from worrying about your friend I'm sahm, if I've not gone back to work by the time they're teenagers and moving out I doubt I will then, and I shall fill my days eating bon bons in a negligee draped across a chaise lounge waiting for dh to finish work.

Mine has been out at University for two years, I’ve worked part time since he was in primary and still do. Even when I ‘retire’ I’m going to volunteer a few days a week because the monotony would be mind numbing and depressing! I was off sick a few days this week and was never so happy to go back to work. I love my job though, it’s a non profit and I feel like I am doing some good so that helps too.

Oh yes your poor friend, she must be terribly bored with no direction or purpose in life other than her children. What a shame she has no career.

Are you always this patronising?

My youngest is 25 now and I haven't been in paid employment for 22 years (I was an unpaid carer for much of that time though).
I have been a free agent for the last 5 years and found plenty to do. Covid did put a bit of a stop to lots of it though (mainly my voluntary work) although I found new things to do. Most of my friends who work would dearly love to give it up - especially as many are approaching 60 which would have been their retirement age but no longer is now that the goalposts have been moved.

A career isn’t the be all and end all for everyone. I’m sure these mums will be just fine.

Goady.

@Darbs76 yes I am grateful too as it gives me a distraction when they leave - I can go to a meeting and get really involved in a project and it helps to distract from the gap they leave when they go.

I think there is something wrong with me

I didn’t feel a gap when they went

(That may well be down to the fact that they come home…a lot!)