Page 4 | Partner stopping bill money after DLA award

Woolyduck · 2022-03-11T19:13:29+00:00

We have been awarded middle rate DLA for our 3yo DC. Partner usually sends me £270 bill money but since finding out we are getting 240 for DCs DLA he has said he is stopping the bill money as DLA gets paid to my account. I argue we need this extra money and at the end of the month I tend to end up borrowing his card for basic groceries and it's supposed to be for extra things DC needs due to his autism. So YABU you're getting the money into your account, he can stop paying that part of bill money in YANBU DLA should be for DCs extra needs and food shopping for family

Totalwasteofpaper · 11/03/2022 20:59

Financial abuse. Disgusting behaviour.

Stop sleeping with him and certainly do not have more children with him.

scoobydoo1971 · 11/03/2022 21:01

Legally that DLA is an asset for your child. It is not for parents to spend on personal expenses. DWP can do checks on this. You are being financially abused, and your child. You could use that money to provide relevant services. I understand as I have one child with autism. DLA pays for her art classes, her art materials etc and previously physiotherapy and other services that helped her with her emotions. Since he sees this as 'income', you can set up a separate bank account for your child (with you as the adult co-signatory).

fallfallfall · 11/03/2022 21:02

is the child his?

saraclara · 11/03/2022 21:04

Point out to him that he has taken all of his son's money for himself. After this award he is £270 better off, his son is no better of, and you are £30 worse off.

It's close to fraud. The govt/the taxpayer is paying £270 to make a disabled child's life better. He is using it for his own spending money.

AllTheYoungGoodyTwoShoes · 11/03/2022 21:06

Who voted YABU?? The money is for your child.

BeHappy91818 · 11/03/2022 21:07

Well he’s a dick head then. My partner pays 75% of all our bills and I still keep my sons dla for him. It doesn’t go in the joint account at all.

kubex13 · 11/03/2022 21:09

Why are people so quick to shout abuse?

The OP other half is quite clearly a dick, but to call him abusive without further info is ridiculous!

longtompot · 11/03/2022 21:10

DLA is not bill money. It's for your child and their additional needs. Your partner is being very unreasonable

pinkpantherpink · 11/03/2022 21:10

He is an ass

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 11/03/2022 21:11

Thieving off a child with disabilities is a new low for mumsnets relationship board and men in general.

BeHappy91818 · 11/03/2022 21:11

@kubex13

Why are people so quick to shout abuse?

The OP other half is quite clearly a dick, but to call him abusive without further info is ridiculous!

Deciding to take all his sons disability money plus an extra £30 as he’s now not paying that is financially abusive.

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 11/03/2022 21:11

Speechless

x2boys · 11/03/2022 21:13

@scoobydoo1971

Legally that DLA is an asset for your child. It is not for parents to spend on personal expenses. DWP can do checks on this. You are being financially abused, and your child. You could use that money to provide relevant services. I understand as I have one child with autism. DLA pays for her art classes, her art materials etc and previously physiotherapy and other services that helped her with her emotions. Since he sees this as 'income', you can set up a separate bank account for your child (with you as the adult co-signatory).

Please can you link for where the DWP do checks ,my child has been getting DLA for nine years ,this has not been my experience Obviously the Dad is being a Duck ,but ,DLA is for the child ,s benefit ,and therefore can be spent in whatever way the appointee thinks is appropriate ,many families with severely disabled children just cannot have two working parents ,so there for its absolutely fine for the DLA to help with everyday finances as one parent can be a carer ,and it absolutely benefits the disabled child having a stable home .

x2boys · 11/03/2022 21:14

Dick*

Halllyup17 · 11/03/2022 21:14

As a parent who gets DLA/PIP on behalf of their child, I would say that you will struggle to spend all the DLA money in a month, every month, so you'll be better off and I get where he's coming from. What I'd do in your situation is have an account just for the DLA, and save it until your child needs anything. That way, it can pay for bigger purchases needed for his disability as they arise. You both then continue contributing to bills as normal.

kubex13 · 11/03/2022 21:15

That on it's own is not enough info to label someone as financially abusive.

To call someone an abuser is not something that should be thrown about unnecessarily.

x2boys · 11/03/2022 21:16

@Halllyup17

As a parent who gets DLA/PIP on behalf of their child, I would say that you will struggle to spend all the DLA money in a month, every month, so you'll be better off and I get where he's coming from. What I'd do in your situation is have an account just for the DLA, and save it until your child needs anything. That way, it can pay for bigger purchases needed for his disability as they arise. You both then continue contributing to bills as normal.

What a load of crap DLA is hardly a fortune 🙄

thenewduchessoflapland · 11/03/2022 21:19

@Woolyduck

I work 2/3 night shifts a week as a carer and he works 9-5 office job, fairly well paid

Then I ask again;why is he only paying £270 a month?;where's the rest of his money going?

Halllyup17 · 11/03/2022 21:19

@x2boys you could spend £240 a month solely on disability-related expenses, every month, forever? Bullcrap.

Booklover3 · 11/03/2022 21:19

Your OH is being very, very unreasonable

ScootScot · 11/03/2022 21:22

He is stealing from your child. Your son needs you to stand up for him.

That money is for additional expenses incurred as a result of your child's additional needs. Your partner appears to think it is free money to replace his own financial responsibilities!

Don't accept this. Keep that money separate from bill money for now until this is sorted out. Don't even factor it into your general household income.

Make a list of the additional things you are intending to use your son's DLA for and charge your partner for these. If he's effectively stealing your son's DLA (by letting it get swallowed up by his share of bills) then he can pay out of another income stream for the additional things you were going to buy. Your son shouldn't miss out or be worse off because of your partner not meeting his financial obligations for living expenses.

I'm disgusted with this man and I don't even know him!

danni0509 · 11/03/2022 21:23

He’s a complete an utter DICK!

That’s not how it works.

Ds gets high rate DLA plus mobility, he’s had it for 5 years now, it pays for all sorts, mostly things for ds, things for me to help ds (parenting books - behavioural books especially!) towards my car / additional fuel I use driving my ds in circles which he loves to do. Foods that he eats that cost more than usual, nappies (he’s 8) as he won’t wear the free ones provided by incontinence service.

I save a bit sometimes for school holidays so we have more money to do things with ds. Once upon a time he’d only eat McDonald’s chicken nugget happy meals and I used his DLA to buy him one every day of the week! If he’s having a shit week I’ll cheer him up and buy him a switch game or a LOL doll he loves.

Sometimes if gas and electric bill is due I use it and pay that, I’ve paid to have all the holes in my walls fixed properly was sick of bodging them (ds caused said holes) I’ve bought a new living room door that ds ripped off the hinges and fucked beyond repair.

It pays for all manner of things for ds and the house, and is really helpful to our family when I can’t work due to ds disabilities.

If my partner said ‘I’m not paying the rent this month use ds DLA’ I’d kick him the fuck out.

Your partner is disgusting…. And is financially abusing you. Wrong on so many levels.

whoatethecake · 11/03/2022 21:23

[quote Halllyup17]@x2boys you could spend £240 a month solely on disability-related expenses, every month, forever? Bullcrap.[/quote]
Definitely!!! I get it for my son, I spend £100 a month in petrol solely for hospital appointments and visits, then it's £15 parking at the hospital as we don't get no help due to DH working
so that's £30 a week in parking, £30 a week in petrol average as the hospitsl is over an hour away
Then my son has private intense physio weekly thats £25 per session!

So yes it's easily done !!! You don't know unless you live it.

TracyMosby · 11/03/2022 21:25

[quote Halllyup17]@x2boys you could spend £240 a month solely on disability-related expenses, every month, forever? Bullcrap.[/quote]
Possibly not. But every so often there will be large expenses. For my godson one large expense was a useable garden. Another was a wet room downstairs. Turning the front garden into a driveway as he cannot walk far. Theres also expensive equipment.

x2boys · 11/03/2022 21:27

[quote Halllyup17]@x2boys you could spend £240 a month solely on disability-related expenses, every month, forever? Bullcrap.[/quote]
Actually my son gets high rate care and mobility ,,like a lot of families with Disabled children I cant work as my child has severe auris and and learning disabilities ,the DLA is to benefit the child ,it benefits our child to have a non working so the high rate care is paid into the general hiouse hold pot which by the way as long as it benefits the child is fine and the mobility component pays for the mobility car,so DLA is easily spent every month