Partner stopping bill money after DLA award

[Woolyduck]

We have been awarded middle rate DLA for our 3yo DC.
Partner usually sends me £270 bill money but since finding out we are getting 240 for DCs DLA he has said he is stopping the bill money as DLA gets paid to my account.
I argue we need this extra money and at the end of the month I tend to end up borrowing his card for basic groceries and it's supposed to be for extra things DC needs due to his autism.

So

YABU
you're getting the money into your account, he can stop paying that part of bill money in

YANBU
DLA should be for DCs extra needs and food shopping for family

Is he the childs father ?

I rarely LTB, this is a very clear LTB, he is effectively stealing money from a child. I hope when he moves out you tell everyone you know what he did.

It isn't clear if your finances are separate or joint or what your arrangement is. Have you had a conversation with him about it all?

It sounds like you need to sit down and look at actual household costs and your DS's additional costs and redo the budget to actually cover what it needs to cover.

This could be more of a misunderstanding, ignorance issue versus an intentional mean spirited act.

The DLA money should in theory be for extras needed for the child only/stuff you need because of his needs.

@Woolyduck Youur partner should still be giving his share towards household outgoings obviously, and if you're struggling with the food bill should be giving you more than he has been (unless the extra food items are due to your DC's autism, in which case his DLA can help towards them.) He definitely shouldn't be giving you less than he was.

How cheeky and wankerish. He would be effectively depriving your DC of the money for their care.

Has he said what he thinks he needs the bills money for?

Your DC has been awarded £240 to pay for the additional expenses connected to their disability.

Instead of having that extra money to spend, you now have £30 less available to you.

It’s not supposed to work like that. Your DC would be better off if you withdrew your claim and your partner went back to paying the £270.

Even if you had agreed for the extra money to be shared by the whole family, partner should be reducing his contribution by half of the award, i.e. £120, not his whole £270.

He's treating this money as general extra income, when it is, as said to enrich your DS's life. I needed to travel in taxis to access out of the area sport/ after school etc SEN provision. My DD had collections which I couldn't have afforded, so her DLA went on that and later horse riding lessons for her self esteem and fitness. She was heavy on clothes/shoes and mattresses. She needed tech earlier than other children. It all adds up as they grow. This is a separate pot. Some went on heating because my DD'S needs meant only part time working for me.

Another one for LTB. Imagine what you could provide for your son if he wasn't in the picture.

I have autistic children and claim DLA - it pays for drama and music lessons, furniture for their bedroom as theirs gets destroyed, private medical appointments (removal of an ingrown toe as they didn't understand the need to wait for the NHS. Food to meet sensory needs.

Instead your partner wants to take that money and those opportunities away from your child for his own gain.

Also, when your son is 5 you can apply for mobility component. Will your partner take that too?

I have never, ever, ever left a “LTB” on this site in all the years I’ve been here, but you can have my first.

I couldn’t get over this - it shows how little your partner views his vulnerable child. He sounds like a selfish piece of shit.

The money is to make the child's life easier not your partner's
Absolutely this.

This is terrible financial abuse. What a disgusting thing to do to you and your ds.

• Claim Carer's Allowance
• Cancel the Netflix
• Cancel the Prime
• Kick 'D'P out
• Claim Housing Benefit (Universal Credit?)
• Claim 25% discount on Council Tax for being the only adult there
• Claim Child Maintenance from ExP
• Switch your working hours to ExP's EoW contact time
• Claim whatever low income benefits you're now entitled to,
• including Childcare benefits, if applicable, to enable you to work more
• Ask if there's any special measures on utilities for low incomes
• Enjoy your new life without financial abuse, not having to clean up after ExP and getting a proper break from childcare during his contact times

get child maintenance on the case - get it straight from his wages

He's effectively stolen your son's entire £240 DLA and and additional £30 from you. Despicable

Honestly leave...I've been there it won't get any better

This money is supposed to help Witt your son - not pay Netflix subscriptions.

He is awful. I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

Financial abuse is awful - I agree you need support and woman’s aid will be able to give you the right advice.

Leave him. He is abusing you and your child via financial control. Look up the power and control wheel (uksaysnomore.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Duluth-Branding-and-Title.png) and the equality wheel (www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/the-equality-wheel-explained)

You deserve better xxx

It’s not supposed to work like that. Your DC would be better off if you withdrew your claim and your partner went back to paying the £270.

But please don't actually do this OP because its important that the "powers that be" acknowledge that your DS is disabled. Having this acknowledged makes it easier to get other things (grants or benefits or whatever) that your DS needs later on

Can you sit down and identify what extras you can put in place to help with your childs specials needs? For example mobility aids around the house, or extra activities, or having a carer come in to help at bed times etc.

Explain to this selfish man this money is supposed to help your sown - not give him extra spending money/. It is appalling and I am so angry on Your sons behalf

That's next level bs from him.

Beyond disgusting

If he's living with you, why does he sends money? If he isn't living with you but pays rent, then he is doing enough?
Sounds very odd.

Are the bill split % wise?

So wants to take your child's money for himself, basically.

OK, but even aside from that. Even if it was reasonable to use DC's money to pay for general household bills... why does he think HE should get ALL the benefit of it? Surely he should benefit from half of it and you should get the other half, i.e., from £240 DLA money, £120 of it goes towards his bills (so he would still pay you £150 for bills and then you'd pocket the other £120 of the DLA money).

That's all by-the-by, because it's not for household bills anyway, but I'm just saying it to demonstrate that the fact he thinks he gets to pocket it all for himself shows what an utterly selfish, selfish man he is.

What sort of man takes money from his own disabled child? Disgusting.