Partner stopping bill money after DLA award

[Woolyduck]

We have been awarded middle rate DLA for our 3yo DC.
Partner usually sends me £270 bill money but since finding out we are getting 240 for DCs DLA he has said he is stopping the bill money as DLA gets paid to my account.
I argue we need this extra money and at the end of the month I tend to end up borrowing his card for basic groceries and it's supposed to be for extra things DC needs due to his autism.

So

YABU
you're getting the money into your account, he can stop paying that part of bill money in

YANBU
DLA should be for DCs extra needs and food shopping for family

He pays rent but I pay WiFi, council tax, elec and gas and all subscription services such as netlix and prime

It is your child’s money. It says as much in the DLA award letter. Show your ‘d’p. Hopefully they’ll see how unreasonable they’re being 😞

I work 2/3 night shifts a week as a carer and he works 9-5 office job, fairly well paid

@Sockpile

Are you entitled to carers allowance too?

Yes and if you get tax credits or universal credit let them know as well as you’ll get an extra disability element payment.

Sorry you “borrow” his money to pay for money to feed him and his children and you who I am certain does almost all the household duties.

You are worth VERY much more than this OP.

He is not the boss and he doesn’t get to decide

He's a shit. I'm certain you would b better off, and happier without him.

But in the meantime, can you get the DLA paid into an account that is purely for DS's expenses and savings for future needs?

Then DP needs to continue giving you the £270 for household essentials.

But really, leave him.

Do you live together ?

If so get rid. This is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard.

I bet you do all the household jobs too because you are part time.
If he worked three night shifts and you worked full time days in an office you’d do all the house work as he would be tired from his night shift, whilst you have a cushy office job.

What’s he doing with the £270 he has gained?

This is awful. I receive dla and it is made VERY clear when your awarded it that it’s for the child and only to be spent on there needs.

What if your child needs additional therapies further down the line? Will your partner fund them or will he be essentially taking the dla money and expecting you to find the extra as well?

What he is doing is completely against the terms the DWP have set out in awarding it to your son.

When I had to work out budgets to see if rent/mortgage was affordable (this was for my clients who were threatened with homelessness) we never, ever put DLA into the pot. The view was that DLA was ringfenced for the benefit of the child and should not be included to decide if a person was intentionally homeless. It's NOT your partner's money, it's your child's money. The parent administers it for the benefit of the CHILD.
Tell your partner to do one!

What he's asking you to do is illegal. That money can only be spent on your child's extra needs that are above and beyond what a neurotypical child may need. Eg therapies, replacement iPads due to excessive force, private swimming lessons due to inability to be in groups etc etc.
Have a look at your benefit entitlement, this goes up when you get dla.

i don't care how you dress it up; i pay for this i work part time blah blah blah it's controlling and abusive.
obviously money is tight or else it wouldn't be an issue, you need to sit down together and do a budget. which may include an account just for your son.

I’m sorry, what the hap is fuckening here?

Wow!

Is he DC's dad?

That is seriously not ok. DLA is not there to pay bills. DOA is for living expenses needed because of your child's disabilities.

Raise the bar and raise it quick.

"What he's asking you to do is illegal. That money can only be spent on your child's extra needs that are above and beyond what a neurotypical child may need."

That isn't true, it is fine for the money to go into the household pot. However he is being an arsehole because it looks like he is giving himself a large amount of extra spending money because of it.

Ltb then claim maintenance. This has to be one of the worst things I've ever read on here, and that's going some.

God what a horrible, horrible man. I’m so sorry for you and your child.

The DLA is for your child. The best way to manage this is to have a separate savings account for the money, then when he needs something specific (therapy? equipment? a school trip?) it can be withdrawn for that.

NO WAY can your partner use it to save on his own expenses. This is appalling.

Fuck that. We use our child's dla to pay for sensory equipment, books and swimming. The money is to make the child's life easier not your partner's. He's being extremely selfish here.

You already have to ask him for money for food. That should have had you furious. This isn’t how partnerships work

Who voted yabu?

He is a cunt.

What a horrible man.

Get legal advice and make plans to leave him. You'll do better without him financially I suspect.

DLA is for your child to pay for things they need I.E extra clothing due to condition, hospital travel, activities and things they need

Not for him to keep more money to himself why you use the money from the government to pay for his half. They dont give you DLA for that.