for not choosing a flat with a garden for children

[whatsay11]

AIBU to think children do not need a garden as they grow up? My husband and I really can’t agree on such a minor issue. Bearing in mind he knows so little about raising kids anyway. e.g. he was surprised when I told him how many nappies a newborn will get through! He believes that a child needs a garden. I am 3 months’ pregnant. Both of the flats are in our budget. Sadly v expensive as we have to live in London. We are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat on the second floor of a Victorian terrace with awful upstairs neighbours, I’m worried about our baby as they have loud parties and smoke weed etc. we need to move quickly.

Flat 1 £550k
Downstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. Two small double bedrooms, one bathroom with a bath, living/dining/kitchen in one room and a small garden with no grass…only stones.

Flat 2 £600k
Upstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. One normal flight upstairs from the main shared front door. Split level as there is a loft conversion. Three double bedrooms, two bathrooms, separate living/dining room and kitchen.

Both properties are about a 20 minute walk away from several parks and in good school catchment areas. Thoughts?

You do not need a garden. Go for the best layout for you internally. If you are in London (as am I), we have all the parks. Babies don’t need a garden. If you’re working and they’ll be in nursery 8-6 every day. The nursery provides the outdoor space and you can go to parks at the weekend. I have a garden and live in London and have small children. We (the parents) use the garden for a drink in the evening after the children go to bed. I’ve put the baby in a bouncy chair in the garden as I’m doing weeding, and we’ve had a few BBQs, but really with the weather we have here, the children have much more fun at the park.

@OfstedOffred

My parents would have told to me to bugger off trying to live half an hour from them if it meant limiting what I could provide for my own children. Is it what your parents really want? In an actual emergency it's the emergency services who will attend your parents.

Only someone whose parents aren’t old enough to need support would come out with something as facile as that.

Sutton could be a good choice too. You could definitely get a house with a garden there and it has some very good schools and is close to lots of parks.

You can also get a bus to 5-6 local hospitals and a fast train to London.

Which part(s) of London are you considering?

Also Epsom and Ewell - very close to Esher and very green

I have to disagree OP

A garden is great for just getting outside in the fresh air, it's your own space, young kids will love running around, water games in summer etc

Also for adults- me personally I love sitting in our garden with a good book when the sun is shining (doesn't happen that often- on both counts!), love being outside

I’d look for a nicer ground floor flat with a garden or if possible move further afield to get a house for the same price with a lot more space

We chose a house without a garden with young children. It’s a big regret, would have made life much more fun.

I agree with what other posters have said. A garden is a lifesaver. Children love being outside, constantly. You can have a paddling pool in summer, sand pit, little push along cars. As they get older they will be in the garden at every opportunity, bikes, scooters, kicking footballs, trampolines. You can be pottering in the kitchen and still watch them.

London schools don’t have fixed catchments. They have admissions by distance which can change quite dramatically from year to year.

@whatsay11

Thanks for the links! The other problem is that my husband is very keen on one very specific area of Wimbledon, it cannot be terraced and curb appeal is very important to him. It has limited us quite a bit to be fair. I’ve seen houses in the general area for our budget but most have been vetoed for one reason or another.

Honestly the replies here have been so eye opening (thank you). Things I really hadn’t thought of, life with 1-3 toddlers in particular. I think I’ll need to convince DH to look slightly further afield.

I think if your DH wants a garden, curb appeal, non-terraced and specific area he needs to magically double the budget or realise - and realise quite quickly if you want to move before the baby arrives – that everyone compromises when they buy a house (or flat).

Neither place

A garden is a must IMO and essential for kids

find something diff

@whatsay11

Thanks for the links! The other problem is that my husband is very keen on one very specific area of Wimbledon, it cannot be terraced and curb appeal is very important to him. It has limited us quite a bit to be fair. I’ve seen houses in the general area for our budget but most have been vetoed for one reason or another.

Honestly the replies here have been so eye opening (thank you). Things I really hadn’t thought of, life with 1-3 toddlers in particular. I think I’ll need to convince DH to look slightly further afield.

Well that’s the problem then rather than anything else to do with parents etc. Why can’t the house be terraced? You won’t find anything else in London for under 600k. I can’t understand how anyone who is prepared to live in a flat would oppose a terrace. And why does it have to be a really specific part of Wimbledon. He sounds pretty unreasonable tbh.

@whatsay11

Thanks for the links! The other problem is that my husband is very keen on one very specific area of Wimbledon, it cannot be terraced and curb appeal is very important to him. It has limited us quite a bit to be fair. I’ve seen houses in the general area for our budget but most have been vetoed for one reason or another.

Honestly the replies here have been so eye opening (thank you). Things I really hadn’t thought of, life with 1-3 toddlers in particular. I think I’ll need to convince DH to look slightly further afield.

In the nicest possible way you don’t have the budget for these kind of airs from your DH. It’s tight enough buying anything round there for that price that will be anything like big enough.

I would widen the search area to Mostpur Park and New Malden. I think you’ll be surprised how much more you get for your money.

Even Raynes Park would be a bit cheaper than Wimbledon.

Or bite the bullet & move further out for a 3 bed semi with garden!

@TatianaBis

You’re round my way OP. How can you be 20 mins from a park?

DH works at St G’s - quickest way to work is motorbike. Would yours consider that? It decreases reliance on public transport.

If your parents are in NH that rather ties you to the district line.

From our two potential properties, the walk to Wimbledon park is 27 mins and to the common 25 minutes. I haven’t counted the smaller green areas e.g South Park gardens as I was thinking of nice, large parks that the kids could run around/cycle in. Maybe it’s just me but the smaller greens always look a bit dodgy??

For 1 (maybe 2) children , I would go for flat 1 IF you could possibly move later down the line. Can you image having 3 kids and 2 adults in the shared living kitchen eating space all winter? With no prospect of moving and small bedrooms what would it be like when they are 8,10 and 12 ?

A small stone garden is not going to be much help for long

@OfstedOffred

My parents would have told to me to bugger off trying to live half an hour from them if it meant limiting what I could provide for my own children. Is it what your parents really want? In an actual emergency it's the emergency services who will attend your parents.

I think it’s just my anxiety. I’m an only child and worried about my ageing parents! I’m just thinking of the worst. I’d want to be there ASAP but it’s a bit silly as babies/toddlers would change that quite a bit. I just don’t want to be too far away. I’d also like to drop in every now and again, short drive with children for them to visit.

As someone else said in another thread recently, its interesting how the problem posted is not actually the problem......the limitation is what your husband will accept!! I do think he might need a reality check (or in MN parlance, a head wobble!)

If you have lived through the last 2 years and are happy to live somewhere with no outdoor space then go for it. What the last 2 years have taught me is that even a pocket handerkerchief size garden is a blessing.

I wouldnt choose to have 3 children in either of the properties you describe honestly. We lived in a second floor flat when my 2 were young and one of the main reasons we moved was to get away from all the stairs and to get our (small) garden.

I thought I’d heard it all until I heard someone say they wanted to live in Wimbledon, for 500k but not in a terrace! I’m not trying to be cruel but that rules out about 90% of all options! Even billionaires live in terraces in Wimbledon!

We lived in an apartment with my eldest until he was 2.5. I hated it. Schlepping to the park and playground (15-minute walk) became tedious after a while. As soon as I was pregnant with our second, we moved out of NYC to the Connecticut burbs.

Both South Park Gardens and Dundonald Park are very nice and not dodgy at all.

Not much to do in South Pale Gardens though, Dundonald Park is much better for kids, even better than the common, I would say.

half a million for a FLAT? A FLAT? WTH?