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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed he did not let me know the plane landed?

157 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:01

AIBU
Made friends with a guy last summer
He works same field as me
Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date

He admitted he wants to go slow
He is 38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no children

Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship.

He has gone on a three week break back to his home country

I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday

I am now freaking out I have not heard from him. Check plane landed safely 😂

AIBU to think it has weird he has not let me know he is safe?

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 09/03/2022 17:04

Does his phone work in another country?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/03/2022 17:06

With roaming costs, I wouldn't expect messages. DH is abroad, I get a couple of WhatsApp messages when he's on hotel WiFi, that it.

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2022 17:07

Where’s he gone that you think he might not be safe?
I would be really honest with yourself. You were hoping he would contact you because he wanted to be in contact with you.
I’m not sure you’re on the same page here which usually leads to heartache.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:08

I never even thought of that tbh - the phone might not work there and the roaming cost - he was also spending three days in the city before going to his parents. Honestly I am mental

OP posts:
Cognoscenti · 09/03/2022 17:10

Is there a reason he might not be safe? Unless he's going to an area where there's a lot of conflict I don't imagine he'd think you'd be worried that the plane hadn't arrived safely.

SiobhanSharpe · 09/03/2022 17:11

@PurpleDaisies

Where’s he gone that you think he might not be safe? I would be really honest with yourself. You were hoping he would contact you because he wanted to be in contact with you. I’m not sure you’re on the same page here which usually leads to heartache.
Yes, this. Possibly best to take a step back for the moment. If he wants to get in touch then he will.
Zonder · 09/03/2022 17:12

I would find it a bit odd he hasn't found a way to just let you know he arrived ok. Do you usuay use normal text or WhatsApp? WhatsApp will work on local WiFi except if perhaps he has a different SIM card for back home? Then he won't have got your recent messages.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:14

I usually message him on Instagram because my whatsapp does not work

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2022 17:15

Most countries have internet.

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2022 17:16

I think you probably need to be realistic here. He’s on holiday and he isn’t thinking about you.

That’s not a great sign for a budding relationship.

gogohm · 09/03/2022 17:19

Not a good sign - do you not have Facebook messager, Apple FaceTime or similar to call for free over WiFi? Dp calls me every evening when he's travelling (for work or family reasons)

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:20

@gogohm

Not a good sign - do you not have Facebook messager, Apple FaceTime or similar to call for free over WiFi? Dp calls me every evening when he's travelling (for work or family reasons)
This is my instinct - but did he early on in dating?
OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 09/03/2022 17:20

Firstly, if his plane had crashed it would have been on the news, so I think you could just assume that his plane had landed.

Secondly, if he wanted to be in touch, he would be. There are far more ways of getting in touch than just by phone instagram/facebook/whatsapp all work on the internet.

Going home and dropping out of contact I’d be wondering if he had a wife and family over there.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:21

@AlternativePerspective

Firstly, if his plane had crashed it would have been on the news, so I think you could just assume that his plane had landed.

Secondly, if he wanted to be in touch, he would be. There are far more ways of getting in touch than just by phone instagram/facebook/whatsapp all work on the internet.

Going home and dropping out of contact I’d be wondering if he had a wife and family over there.

My instinct as well
OP posts:
DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 17:22

I would expect a reply but if he's otherwise been good and decent I think you have to assume he doesn't have East phone service until you know otherwise

DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 17:22

easy phone service...

BigupPemberleyMassive · 09/03/2022 17:26

If he wanted to get in touch he would. Seriously.

He doesn't.

If he's so lukewarm at the early 'passionate' stage, how will he be when the sparkle of newness is gone?

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:26

I am not sure what to do
I am kinda sick of his slow wishy washy ness
And he did admit at the weekend if he was dating himself he would be frustrated

So it makes me feel like I am maybe being a mug?

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 09/03/2022 17:27

I’d assume he had access to the internet though.

Unless he’s gone to a remote village in Africa it’s highly unlikely that he doesn’t.

OP where has he gone to?

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:28

India. - he has lived And worked here many years; it is his first time back for three years

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/03/2022 17:28

Depends where he has gone. When DH goes back to N Africa I often don’t hear for a few days until he’s got a local SIM. Also he has a large family who monopolise him and the DC when they arrive. He sometimes doesn’t even unpack for the first few days.

AlternativePerspective · 09/03/2022 17:28

So wants to go slow, doesn’t keep in touch, goes home and disappears off radar. I would bet my house he has a family (including children) wherever he’s from and is not sure about how to live a double life.

DetailMouse · 09/03/2022 17:29

@Trippingslippingx1

I am not sure what to do I am kinda sick of his slow wishy washy ness And he did admit at the weekend if he was dating himself he would be frustrated

So it makes me feel like I am maybe being a mug?

There's nothing in your OP to suggest yiu we're finding things slow or frustrating. It's all a out how keen he was and how things have been slow on your terms?

You don't need to "do" anything now. See what's what when he gets back.

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 09/03/2022 17:30

Why would the plane not have landed safely? Don’t you think it would be in the news if a passenger plane had crashed?

AlternativePerspective · 09/03/2022 17:30

India. - he has lived And worked here many years; it is his first time back for three years well, I suspect COVID is to answer for that one.

Also do you know for a fact he hasn’t been back or is that just what he says?

It’s honestly not unusual for men from certain countries to work over here to support their family back in their home country.