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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed he did not let me know the plane landed?

157 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:01

AIBU
Made friends with a guy last summer
He works same field as me
Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date

He admitted he wants to go slow
He is 38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no children

Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship.

He has gone on a three week break back to his home country

I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday

I am now freaking out I have not heard from him. Check plane landed safely 😂

AIBU to think it has weird he has not let me know he is safe?

OP posts:
Munchcrip · 10/03/2022 14:29

This

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:31

Just angry but it happens to many woman etc
At least I realised fairly quickly and hadnt slept with him etc
I just need to vent 😂😅
Thanks for the input ladies it is nice to have support
And I will not send a stupid message to him

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:32

Havent blocked but muted on instagram so cannot see things etc

OP posts:
Munchcrip · 10/03/2022 14:37

You made the right decision, OP

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:38

@Munchcrip i havent done anything 😂 you mean sending the revised message?

OP posts:
cherryonthecakes · 10/03/2022 14:40

You can look up arrivals at airports. I used to sometimes do this when ex travelled.

Unless he's going to Ukraine then you are being OTT.

Midlifemusings · 10/03/2022 15:30

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ButtockUp · 10/03/2022 15:37

Just don't send anything.
Nothing.
Just leave it.

Abaababa · 10/03/2022 15:52

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AlternativePerspective · 10/03/2022 15:53

OP you really do need to chill about this.

i still reckon he’s probably married with a family, but regardless of this, you’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks.

It’s shit when someone drops off the radar, but I wouldn’t say anything until he comes back, assuming he gets back in touch.

WRT going through his social media, does he have any of his Indian friends and family on there? I had a friend who it turned out was having an online/emotional affair with someone.I know him personally but when I came across him on a chat site he added me to his FB account which had loads of his friends on there who he knew from online. So obviously as far as I knew his marriage had ended and he was pursuing this relationship with someone.

Then one day an account came up in “people you may know,” turns out he had an fb account for his online life, and one for his real life. I came up on his real one because we had rl friends in common.

So just because you haven’t found a wife on FB doesn’t mean there isn’t one. The key would be if there are any of his Indian friends or family on there, if not then I would assume he has another account.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 16:14

@AlternativePerspective

OP you really do need to chill about this.

i still reckon he’s probably married with a family, but regardless of this, you’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks.

It’s shit when someone drops off the radar, but I wouldn’t say anything until he comes back, assuming he gets back in touch.

WRT going through his social media, does he have any of his Indian friends and family on there? I had a friend who it turned out was having an online/emotional affair with someone.I know him personally but when I came across him on a chat site he added me to his FB account which had loads of his friends on there who he knew from online. So obviously as far as I knew his marriage had ended and he was pursuing this relationship with someone.

Then one day an account came up in “people you may know,” turns out he had an fb account for his online life, and one for his real life. I came up on his real one because we had rl friends in common.

So just because you haven’t found a wife on FB doesn’t mean there isn’t one. The key would be if there are any of his Indian friends or family on there, if not then I would assume he has another account.

It seems to be his full account but I am aware that some of them do that. It seems to have colleagues, friends etc on there and ones from long ago so like when he worked over there.
OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 16:17

@Abaababa

OMG you are so OTT OP! You are / were clearly way more into him than you’ll admit, or you have a huge ego that gets bruised easily.

Just chill, you are freaking out and jumping to lots of conclusions about someone you were casually dating for a couple of months.

If the guy say this exchange, he’d think you are bat shit crazy. I certainly do.

Ask yourself honestly why is this bothering you so much?

I know what you mean.

I think it is bothering me because I really do not want to be made a fool of again - issues from past. Publically humiliated in a relationship and gossiped about. I do not tell anyone anything any more about my dating life - so I think I bottle things up as well.

I have also had people tell me ‘I under react’ to things in relationship and let bad behaviour slide - so I am trying my hardest with boundaries etc. It is hard to find the balance.

So people have laughed about me behind my back saying I have tolerated abusive behaviour in the past - and now I am trying my hardest to avoid it.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 10/03/2022 16:20

Unless you want a life of being kept hanging on l, especially anytime he goes home, dump him.

Dump him because this is the honeymoon phase and its not good enough.

Dump him because at 35 you know better than to go slowly with someone who is already pushing your boundaries and trying to set the tone.

Dump him because at 35 you dont want to spend 2 years going slow with someone already fucking you around and then spend another 2 years finding someone suitable and another 2 years to think about a child.

Your time is too precious.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 16:26

@RealBecca

Unless you want a life of being kept hanging on l, especially anytime he goes home, dump him.

Dump him because this is the honeymoon phase and its not good enough.

Dump him because at 35 you know better than to go slowly with someone who is already pushing your boundaries and trying to set the tone.

Dump him because at 35 you dont want to spend 2 years going slow with someone already fucking you around and then spend another 2 years finding someone suitable and another 2 years to think about a child.

Your time is too precious.

Thanks for this. This is how I feel.
OP posts:
BigupPemberleyMassive · 10/03/2022 17:57

He's just not that into you. He's made it clear. He knows you know he's not that into you.

Not being horrible, just spelling it out.

Don't grovel for crumbs. There's nothing more to say.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 19:24

@BigupPemberleyMassive

He's just not that into you. He's made it clear. He knows you know he's not that into you.

Not being horrible, just spelling it out.

Don't grovel for crumbs. There's nothing more to say.

I know 😂😂
OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 11/03/2022 11:18

I didnt hear anything from the last message I sent so just blocked him. My intuition is telling me something is really not right. X

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 11/03/2022 11:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect some form of contact in that length of time

PennyRoyal · 11/03/2022 11:33

@AryaStarkWolf

I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect some form of contact in that length of time

I agree. I would have expected a message just saying "I'm here, flight was smooth/bumpy, weather is hot/rainy, catch up soon"

However, I would do nothing. Don't message again. Don't block. Get on with your own life and if he explains (he might be ill or family crisis or phone not working), see how you feel then. Have no expectations from here on in.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 11/03/2022 11:52

@PennyRoyal excatly - that would have been all I was looking for - even if he affirmed see you when I get back so I would expect any contact for three weeks.

He is not ill, there is no family crisis and I am sure his phone is working.

Honestly - he was just using me as a time filler until he got back to India to either see his wife or get married. Honestly that is what my intuition is telling me. I do not expect I will hear or see him again. My intuition is telling me to keep him blocked.

OP posts:
Juno22 · 11/03/2022 13:30

You parted on good terms and it's only a few days he's been away. While I would have expected him to contact you I think that blocking him is childish. There's no need.

redambergreengo · 11/03/2022 13:49

I wouldn't block him. Wait to see if or when he contacts you and what he says then royally dump him.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 12/03/2022 10:24

Friend found him on Bumble last night - he had used ‘travel mode’ to be back in our city. I did not know he was using dating apps and whenever I asked about them he said he never used them - so the plot thickens.

So he obviously has enough internet to actively go onto a dating app and change his city back to ours whilst in India? That would mean he would not be found on dating apps in his local area either.
Still no contact since he arrived in India either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 12/03/2022 10:25

This has to be by a country mile the weirdest dating situation I have ever personally been involved in

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 12/03/2022 11:13

Tbh from what I’ve read on here this is the norm for dating.

You have your answer now at least so you can move on. But I would be really tempted to get your friend to join up and contact him or whatever it is you do on these apps,and try to set up a date for some time soon.

For all you know he might not actually be in India.

Anyway, at least you know where you stand, and TBH I would prepare for loads of this kind of thing while you’re on te dating scene.