Page 4 | To be annoyed he did not let me know the plane landed?

Midlifemusings · 10/03/2022 04:40

You two are casually dating and not in a relationship with. He hasn't seen his family or been home in four years. I would expect communication to be different while he is away.

If I am casually dating someone, it isn't yet serious, not yet a relationship - they are not my priority or focus while I am away on vacation. And if a guy got mad that I didn't text as soon as I landed or continue to be in contact all the time while on vacation, I would dump him. If you aren't even in a relationship, I don't think you need to be in constant contact.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 10/03/2022 04:43

He's probably married.
Where is he from?

Anyways he's not much into you, lady, so I'd delete and block.

JellybeansJelly · 10/03/2022 05:22

@Midlifemusings

You two are casually dating and not in a relationship with. He hasn't seen his family or been home in four years. I would expect communication to be different while he is away.

If I am casually dating someone, it isn't yet serious, not yet a relationship - they are not my priority or focus while I am away on vacation. And if a guy got mad that I didn't text as soon as I landed or continue to be in contact all the time while on vacation, I would dump him. If you aren't even in a relationship, I don't think you need to be in constant contact.

This!! Amazed by the responses on this thread!

Marvellousmadness · 10/03/2022 05:23

Ever seen that film " he is just not that into you"?....

Leol · 10/03/2022 06:18

@Midlifemusings

You two are casually dating and not in a relationship with. He hasn't seen his family or been home in four years. I would expect communication to be different while he is away.

If I am casually dating someone, it isn't yet serious, not yet a relationship - they are not my priority or focus while I am away on vacation. And if a guy got mad that I didn't text as soon as I landed or continue to be in contact all the time while on vacation, I would dump him. If you aren't even in a relationship, I don't think you need to be in constant contact.

I agree with this. I think you are overthinking the situation for someone you are only dating.

AlternativePerspective · 10/03/2022 06:34

But the lack of contact not withstanding, the fact he is planning to ask his family’s permission to marry a European woman is a major red flag. If he is an independent adult then he will marry whoever he wants without permission. The fact he needs permission means that his family will be enmeshed in his life and also the OP’s should she be the one he ends up with.

For that reason alone I would head for the hills.

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 06:52

😂 the responses are one of the reasons I am so confused
1/2 saying I am needy for even contemplating texting and chasing after him to leave him alone - other 1/2 saying run 😂

In fairness it has only been 8 weeks so not alot of time invested but something is not right here
If I went on holiday I would still be messaging him
So Clearly I am in a different place than him 😂🤣

He only could manage to see me once a week anyway. I hate to be really cynical here but most guys I have met who are still single over age 33 or so usually start being so weird like this fairly early on? Like commitmenr phobic or married/cheating? I dont think it is just my luck either I have seen it with my normal female friends too.

I did end up sending him a message yesterday ‘hope you got to delhi 😍🙂 x’ after being on this forum and no reply. It will be midday there now so thats four days no contact from him. It does not bode well.

I might block and delete before he comes back tbh.

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 06:53

@GiantHaystacks2021

He's probably married. Where is he from?

Anyways he's not much into you, lady, so I'd delete and block.

India

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 06:55

I seen it happening to a coiple of girls also - pakistani, irania and sri lankan guys. They honestly did not give a hoot how they treated them. They are married into their own culture.

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 07:04

@AlternativePerspective

But the lack of contact not withstanding, the fact he is planning to ask his family’s permission to marry a European woman is a major red flag. If he is an independent adult then he will marry whoever he wants without permission. The fact he needs permission means that his family will be enmeshed in his life and also the OP’s should she be the one he ends up with.

For that reason alone I would head for the hills.

I agree.

Have a headache.

His communication is awful.

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Valeriekat · 10/03/2022 07:09

Flight radar is your friend! ...or am I missing the point.

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 07:15

@Valeriekat

Flight radar is your friend! ...or am I missing the point.

Yes 😂 The point is he has not been in touch since he arrived in India and the query is - why? Is he married with kids Is he having an arranged marriage Is he not interested

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 07:21

@GiantHaystacks2021

He's probably married. Where is he from?

Anyways he's not much into you, lady, so I'd delete and block.

I have checked all his socials are I really dont think he is

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Zonder · 10/03/2022 07:33

I wouldn't block and delete but that's just because I'm nosey. I'd leave it but not make any more contact. Then when he is back I'd see if he makes contact and if he has any kind of excuse like sorry but I got married and just give a cold response. Then block.

When is he due back?

Juno22 · 10/03/2022 07:34

Lots of people creating imaginary scenarios. The truth is that he's just not that into you, sorry. If he wanted to contact you he'd find a way. It's easier now than it's ever been with free messaging and calls over internet apps such as WhatsApp.

You can make all the excuses in the world about the sort of person he is, quiet etc, but look at how he is behaving towards you and ask yourself honestly if this is the sort of relationship you want to be in.

AlternativePerspective · 10/03/2022 07:51

I’m not a fan of the block and delete mindset. I just don’t see why it’s necessary to block someone and is somewhat petty IMO.

It’s possible to just not contact someone without the need to block them.

But I wouldn’t contact him again at this stage, and as PP said, I would look at whether this is the kind of relationship you want going forward, one where communication is all on his terms.

MangshorJhol · 10/03/2022 08:00

Wait. You have been dating for eight weeks and he’s talking to his family about marriage? If I was his parents (I am Indian) that would be my red flag not your ethnicity.

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 08:01

Nah it is not a great start TBH
He gets back end of March (3 weeks)
Do not want to see him again romantically
Obviously we are on different pages

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MangshorJhol · 10/03/2022 08:02

Also when I go home after long stretches away I switch off from my ‘other’ life. I breathe the air, eat the food, feel genuinely at home and recharge. I barely contact DH (he’s Indian American so doesn’t have the same visceral reaction to going home).

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 08:03

@MangshorJhol

Wait. You have been dating for eight weeks and he’s talking to his family about marriage? If I was his parents (I am Indian) that would be my red flag not your ethnicity.

I dont think he is necessarily talking about marriage with me The impression I get is that because he now have full time permament job here (starts in April) and he just passed his driving test and looking for property - he is not going back to India anytime soon

He was going to ask his parents how they would feel about him marrying / long term partnered with a european woman. Not necessarily me. He was spending the first part of him holiday in delhi - before flying back to his parents in the country probably today/tomorrow

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 08:07

@Juno22

Lots of people creating imaginary scenarios. The truth is that he's just not that into you, sorry. If he wanted to contact you he'd find a way. It's easier now than it's ever been with free messaging and calls over internet apps such as WhatsApp.

You can make all the excuses in the world about the sort of person he is, quiet etc, but look at how he is behaving towards you and ask yourself honestly if this is the sort of relationship you want to be in.

Agree

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MangshorJhol · 10/03/2022 08:07

And even I had a chat with my parents about marrying an American. Because I was making it clear through that action that I was never coming back. And that any relationship they would have with future grandchildren would be different.

MN is weird. There are posters who cannot imagine living any more than 30 mins from their mums but if a guy wants to talk to his parents about a life changing decision that will mean that till their death he will be 10+ hours by flight then he’s some conservative Indian guy…

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 09:40

Not going to do anything more TBH ladies and thanks for all the comments.

Doubt anything more will happen with him and just write this one off as another expierence. I do not even want to sit around and wait for him to message out of curiosity. Clearly he does not care.

Really annoying as our dates were quite promising but I have read he is just not that into you and it is all correct stuff. A guy who is into you will not allow any opportunity for another man to swoop in particularly when you are single and in the city.

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 09:49

I mean what is he playing at?

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LottyD32 · 10/03/2022 09:52

@Trippingslippingx1

AIBU Made friends with a guy last summer He works same field as me Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date

He admitted he wants to go slow
He is 38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no children

Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship.

He has gone on a three week break back to his home country

I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday

I am now freaking out I have not heard from him. Check plane landed safely 😂

AIBU to think it has weird he has not let me know he is safe?

I don't think you are being unreasonable, my dh messages as soon as he lands and can take his phone off airplane mode. I do the same, why wouldn't you?