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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed he did not let me know the plane landed?

157 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 17:01

AIBU
Made friends with a guy last summer
He works same field as me
Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date

He admitted he wants to go slow
He is 38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no children

Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship.

He has gone on a three week break back to his home country

I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday

I am now freaking out I have not heard from him. Check plane landed safely 😂

AIBU to think it has weird he has not let me know he is safe?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 09:54

Excatly. @LottyD32 its just weird. He arrived on Monday and radio silence since. Have tried to message and no reply. Its just humiliating TBH. I am not asking him to message me constantly at all - even if he had said he arrived and to have a good week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 09:57

I am actually really upset about it because now I feel the whole dating thing has just been a joke and a time filler for him (even if it has been short) until he goes to India and marries someone or something. It makes me feel kinda sick.

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 10/03/2022 10:00

Move on then. Do you think he's gone there to get married?

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 10:05

@LottyD32 I really do not know. But I know when he spoke about going home he was not thrilled about it whatsoever. He looked kinda sad. He said there would be loads of chat about marriage for him but I could tell it was not going to be the most pleasant visit. He said he had run out of reasons to tell them why he was not married.

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 10/03/2022 10:07

I doubt they would ambush him with a wedding then, although that has been done to girls/women.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 10:14

🥺 it feels stupid to be upset about it
But he has ghosted me after seeing me on Sunday 🥺

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 10/03/2022 10:23
Flowers
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 10:57

@LottyD32 should I say something first? Or just block and delete

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 10/03/2022 11:02

I'd send a text saying what I wanted to say but be prepared for no reply.

Also decide what you will do if he comes with excuses. Or a plausible reason, but I don't know what that would be. Even if a parent was taken seriously ill he could send a text. So decide if its over from your end.

Yeah, so send it and then give it a day, allow for time difference and then block if no reply.

Or if you aren't prepared to enter into discussion just send it and block.

But I'm petty so would have to say my peice.

Momijin · 10/03/2022 12:48

Hi op. Early dating should be fun, easy, passionate. This is so much hassle for just 8 weeks.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 10/03/2022 13:11

He's married. And has kids probably.
Married a few years back, via an arrangement.
Honestly, most Hindi Indian men are married off well before 30.

BOOTS52 · 10/03/2022 13:24

Sorry I did not mean to sound harsh but am older and if he wanted to contact you he would have and you deserve better and at the start of any relationship that is usually the time that couples are texting and in touch so much as excited about each other. It should not be such an effort at the start and not fair on you at all. When I was dating someone from another country many a moon ago before mobile phones he used to ring me at a phone box and we would arrange another time and wrote letters so always in touch. If someone wants to be in touch they will be. I would not contact him again or block him and just see what he says when he returns. Maybe he just has not got a clue how to behave in relationships, has he been in a proper relationship before? Is this really the man you want for life and someone you can rely on through the good and hard times that life brings. Set your standards and boundaries higher as you deserve to be treated really good.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 13:50

@GiantHaystacks2021

He's married. And has kids probably. Married a few years back, via an arrangement. Honestly, most Hindi Indian men are married off well before 30.
Honestly. I have been through his social media - he isnt. He has spent far too much away since he was 32/33. He literally could not hide a wife and kids. People also work with him. I have been in his flat and no evidence of anything. He mentioned children and not being sure about them, he also said he is under so much pressure to be married - he used to give the excuses next year, then next year, then he moved away?

If he has lied about it he is a psycho because I am fairly astute and he has convinced me. (Dont we all say that #tinderswindler)

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 13:53

@BOOTS52

Sorry I did not mean to sound harsh but am older and if he wanted to contact you he would have and you deserve better and at the start of any relationship that is usually the time that couples are texting and in touch so much as excited about each other. It should not be such an effort at the start and not fair on you at all. When I was dating someone from another country many a moon ago before mobile phones he used to ring me at a phone box and we would arrange another time and wrote letters so always in touch. If someone wants to be in touch they will be. I would not contact him again or block him and just see what he says when he returns. Maybe he just has not got a clue how to behave in relationships, has he been in a proper relationship before? Is this really the man you want for life and someone you can rely on through the good and hard times that life brings. Set your standards and boundaries higher as you deserve to be treated really good.
He told me he had been in two ‘long term’ relationships. I said how long? He said one year. So yes - not expierenced. Thats what he is telling me though.

Why would he not just tell
Me he was not interested?!
Bear in mind I knew him from
LAST SUMMER so we were texting back and forth for 10 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:14

I have written this message out - let me know what yous think

I think we are on different wave lengths about what is acceptable with regards to communication. You appear to be just wasting my time / stringing me along and have no obvious intention whatsoever of taking me seriously. I would never have gone on holiday without at least sending a message to check in. I have noticed your communication is not reliable anyway which is fundamentally not good enough - you know I am not stupid enough to have not noticed this. I am far too beautiful, kind, successful and loving to be upset or put up with mistreatment or weird energy from a man in anyway. It just makes me less interested in continuing.

OP posts:
Juno22 · 10/03/2022 14:17

I wouldn't send that message. It looks like you're trying to provoke a reaction. You've already messaged him and he hasn't replied.

I know it's hard but I would just get on with your life in the meantime and see how he behaves when he gets back and how you feel then.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:18

@Juno22 you are right

OP posts:
Juno22 · 10/03/2022 14:21

I know it's not easy. But I think ultimately you will feel better than if you send the message and he doesn't respond. If he's not a great communicator you may be better taking to him face to face when he gets back about how you feel.

PurpleDaisies · 10/03/2022 14:21

That message is really cringy-especially the bit about being too beautiful etc to put up with poor treatment. That’s the message you need to tell yourself. You’ve already sent him something. You don’t need to send anything else.

Sofiegiraffe · 10/03/2022 14:22

@PurpleDaisies

That message is really cringy-especially the bit about being too beautiful etc to put up with poor treatment. That’s the message you need to tell yourself. You’ve already sent him something. You don’t need to send anything else.

Agree 100% with this.

Goatlady5812 · 10/03/2022 14:23

please do not send that…..

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:24

Thank you for the intervention. Will not send anything.

I just get a really really really bad feeling about it. Like womans intuition sick feeling now.

I think he is married or something or getting married - something stinks

OP posts:
Sofiegiraffe · 10/03/2022 14:24

@Trippingslippingx1

I have written this message out - let me know what yous think

I think we are on different wave lengths about what is acceptable with regards to communication. You appear to be just wasting my time / stringing me along and have no obvious intention whatsoever of taking me seriously. I would never have gone on holiday without at least sending a message to check in. I have noticed your communication is not reliable anyway which is fundamentally not good enough - you know I am not stupid enough to have not noticed this. I am far too beautiful, kind, successful and loving to be upset or put up with mistreatment or weird energy from a man in anyway. It just makes me less interested in continuing.

I'd go for something far more brief / casual:

"I think we might be on different wavelengths so probably best to call it a day. Happy to remain friends if you want to. Hope you have a great trip away."

Smiley face or thumbs up (😂). No kisses.

But that's just me.

Sofiegiraffe · 10/03/2022 14:25

That's assuming you do want to be friends of course, if not, omit that sentence.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 10/03/2022 14:25

This is much better

OP posts: