To be annoyed he did not let me know the plane landed?

[Trippingslippingx1]

AIBU
Made friends with a guy last summer
He works same field as me
Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date

He admitted he wants to go slow
He is 38/M I am 35/F
Both never married and no children

Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship.

He has gone on a three week break back to his home country

I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday

I am now freaking out I have not heard from him. Check plane landed safely 😂

AIBU to think it has weird he has not let me know he is safe?

@AlternativePerspective

So wants to go slow, doesn’t keep in touch, goes home and disappears off radar. I would bet my house he has a family (including children) wherever he’s from and is not sure about how to live a double life.

I have instastalked and facebooked to check this and no evidence of this He has also been in UK for three four years without going back - so if he does have family and kids it would be very weird

And he did admit at the weekend if he was dating himself he would be frustrated

Throw the whole man in the bin. 🚩🚩🚩

@Trippingslippingx1

India. - he has lived And worked here many years; it is his first time back for three years

I went to Bangladesh recently and managed to text DH when I landed, I just enabled roaming on the same sim before my flight. I was also able to WhatsApp when I landed in UK again on return. There's always a way to contact someone if you really want to.

@Trippingslippingx1

India. - he has lived And worked here many years; it is his first time back for three years

Is he Indian origin, & has he gone to see family? If so they may be trying to match him up with some eligible ladies (I am Indian myself hence this comment)

Relax until you hear from him: it is also possible he has WIFI issues or just no privacy to message you of staying with family

I would not assume he has a wife & kids however: but more that he might not want his family to know anything about you as you are not actually in a relationship at the moment

@DespairingHomeowner he told me he was worried that was going to happen as they have tried to set him up for many years. He told me he was going to ask about marrying a european woman

Are you officially dating?
If not, whilst it's a bit sucky to have no heard anything from him, I'd just assume he was prioritising time with him family. Which is fair enough, but if you're not okay with that, then it's completely reasonable to walk away.

@AlternativePerspective

India. - he has lived And worked here many years; it is his first time back for three years well, I suspect COVID is to answer for that one.

Also do you know for a fact he hasn’t been back or is that just what he says?

It’s honestly not unusual for men from certain countries to work over here to support their family back in their home country.

"It’s honestly not unusual for men from certain countries to work over here to support their family back in their home country."

What an ignorant and frankly racist thing to say in this situation, of which nothing suggests he is leading a double life, the moment you find out he's from India.

Have you ever traveled? When you get somewhere else, it's easy to immerse yourself in said country and it's very easy to forget your life / commitments elsewhere. And you ever heard of jet lag? It's a thing.

It's a new relationship that's deliberately going slow, and he arrived 48 hours ago, he's probably dealing with traveling from airport to hometown, jetlag, and a dozen meet ups with friends and family.

Give the guy a break before you all start suggesting he's a two timer with a secret family, ffs.

He sounds married to be honest. You don't know that he hasn't been back for 4years or whatever. That's what he told you.

Or maybe he goes back every year or 2 years, then covid started when he was due back, stretching it to 4

Wow there are some very charged comments here and I have a very very bad feeling about it

To whoever sent me the link to FDS - Thank you and I already follow them which is why I am really starting to feel I have to walk away. I vet vet vet and it has only been this weekend prior to him leaving to go to India where things have gotten weird

My friend wasted 5 years of her life on a guy like this. In the end he married who his family told him too. Oh he still wanted her as the mistress. All of his cousins and brothers did the same. They sleep with the European mistress and marry who they are told too. She wasted her potentially most fertile years on him and ended up heartbroken and dumped. Do not go there. Run.

We have been dating for eight weeks but not officially in a relationship

I get such a bad feeling about the whole thing now that I think I am going to message to call it off

He's going to "ask" to marry an European woman?

Wow so determined.
He's stringing you along

Why wouldnt he be safe?
Seriously?

Im from a similar culture and most guys sleep around women from other cultures and end up marrying virgins from the same culture/cast or whatever

Sleep around with*

I wouldn’t message to call it off, I would just leave it and see if she gets in touch. It’s been 8 weeks, it doesn’t have to be a big drama. The asking about marrying a European woman thing is a red flag, who could be arsed with that drama? Get out now!

*he

CALM DOWN!!!

He's not been home for years. He's busy. He's focused on his family. Don't let your past relationships taint this one.

@Trippingslippingx1

We have been dating for eight weeks but not officially in a relationship

I get such a bad feeling about the whole thing now that I think I am going to message to call it off

I think that would be a hasty move on your part, even though it’s great that it shows you are independent/not prepared to put up with any crap

The fact that he is going to ‘ask’ his parents about who he should marry shows they obviously have a big sway over him - too big a sway

I’d probably reconsider this relationship too, but wait til he comes home

DONT however let him string you along/be his bit on the side. If he wants a relationship with you it needs to be official & you be introduced to his family sharpish (like within 2-3 months).

Don’t sleep with him unless he introduces you as his GF to old friends/siblings etc. other posters are right about the secret GF crap BUT not all Indian men are like this, I do have a good friend who met & married a European woman while working over here and they are very happy

So don’t cut off your nose to spite your face either, just be cautious

So some people say calm down and others say dump him and run

No wonder I am so confused
I have no idea what to do now 😂

When I go abroad I don’t use my phone as I can’t afford the charges, I can only use WhatsApp or other apps when I’m able to access WiFi, it really depends on where he is staying and if he is able to access these things.

My friend says to message him and see if he replies and if it gets the end of the week and there is silence to block and delete him then

How often do you usually message, OP?