Page 3 | To be annoyed he did not let me know the plane landed?

Trippingslippingx1 · 2022-03-09T17:01:47+00:00

AIBU Made friends with a guy last summer He works same field as me Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date He admitted he wants to go slow He is 38/M I am 35/F Both never married and no children Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship. He has gone on a three week break back to his home country I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday I am now freaking out I have not heard from him. Check plane landed safely 😂 AIBU to think it has weird he has not let me know he is safe?

WonderfulYou · 09/03/2022 19:06

Do you need to speak every day?

If you’re not in a relationship then I don’t think it’s odd you wouldn’t speak every day.

He’s busy and his phone probably doesn’t work as well over there.

If you talk on Instagram and see him uploading pics but nothing responding to you then you’ll know where you stand.

Do you actually have his number or just his Instagram?

MermaidEyes · 09/03/2022 19:09

He told me he was going to ask about marrying a European woman

You've been (not even properly) dating for all of 5 minutes. I seriously, seriously hope you're not thinking of marriage?!

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 19:18

@MermaidEyes No I would not marry him. But he brought it up in the context of him seeing his parents when going back to India.

He was just offered a permanent position in the place we work - starts when he gets back from India and he says his parents have always tried to set him up. He said he has not run out of excuses because of his age.

He also says that because he is now looking ahead to be being permamentaly based here is was going to say to them about the idea of being / marrying a european woman. As he is not looking to move back.

The context to describe these things does not come across well on Forums.

I would like to add here I have actually lived in India and was a dancer in bollywood and laterally a yoga teacher. I told him on our first date I am sadly ( and not meaning him ) aware of how SOME south Asian and middle eastern men view woman and that I was aware of the societal norms - so please for him to have a think about this and not get me involved in a pantomime I can do without at this age. He said I was very perceptive (!) and that he was not indeed planning to waste my time and he is looking for a partner here.

I have combed his social media as I have said and I can honestly really not find any evidence of a spouse, girlfriend or other.

I also asked my friends who frequent dating apps if they have ever seen him but they said no.

In the context of him saying he would be fristrated dating him - it was that he is an introvert and a slow mover. My friend has worked side by side with him for months and says he is the quietest guy at work and he is surprised he even managed to get a date 😂 he says he is very unlikely to be a player. But it is true, we really do not know his past in India whatsoever.

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 19:21

@Backujij

How often do you usually message, OP?

Its sporadic. Some days loads and others not as much. We were starting to chat a bit on the phone and facetime.

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 19:24

@needingpeace

He’s going to ask about marrying a European woman before you’ve even had sex??!!! That’s a lie. He’s not going to do that. What on Earth are you doing? This has disaster written all over it. He’s never going to marry you. He’s probably in the middle of his own wedding ceremony right now that you are unlikely to find out about. You will never be accepted by his family. Do you have any understanding at all about any of this?? Have you read up? It’s constant horror stories.

I do. Please read above. I have also worked in the middle east and speak farsi and arabic and urdu - so they cannot even get away with private conversations home with me 😂🤣

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Hugasauras · 09/03/2022 19:26

If he wanted to be in contact then he would. I read He's Just Not That Into You a number of years ago when I was a single and found it quite affirming. Might be worth a shot. It sounds brutal but it made me realise that I needed to stop making excuses for men and realise what their behaviour was actually saying.

Also grandiose statements (about marriage) coupled with a lack of any actual demonstrative evidence of it are another red flag. I had an ex who talked a good game about all the stuff we would apparently do but he wasn't particularly interested in me at all!

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 19:27

@Hugasauras

If he wanted to be in contact then he would. I read He's Just Not That Into You a number of years ago when I was a single and found it quite affirming. Might be worth a shot. It sounds brutal but it made me realise that I needed to stop making excuses for men and realise what their behaviour was actually saying.

Also grandiose statements (about marriage) coupled with a lack of any actual demonstrative evidence of it are another red flag. I had an ex who talked a good game about all the stuff we would apparently do but he wasn't particularly interested in me at all!

Yep. Agree.

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AlternativePerspective · 09/03/2022 19:37

Sorry what? He’s going to ask about marrying a European woman?

OP even if you end up in a relationship with this man, it is very evident that his family will come as part of the package and you will spend the rest of your life trying to please them, and possibly being judged by them. It’s clear he does as his family tells him to, and that can only be trouble.

Run now.

BOOTS52 · 09/03/2022 20:01

Just do nothing for now as he has just arrived home after not seeing family for a few years. You will sound needy if you keep texting or messaging him. Just enjoy your own free time now as you have only been dating a few weeks. Wait until he gets in contact and talk to him when you get back. You are taking things slowly and would continue to do so is a smart thing to do as we never really know anybody regardless of where he is from. 8 weeks is far too soon to be talking about marriage but I would be wary if he has to ask his parent's permission if he wants to be with a woman who is not Indian. Do you want children yourself? If so, then you need to think about this, but for now just give him a bit of space to enjoy seeing his family as you do come across needy.

psychomath · 09/03/2022 20:10

Send him a message on whatsapp and see if it's delivered, then at least you'll know if he has internet access?

Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 20:19

@BOOTS52

Just do nothing for now as he has just arrived home after not seeing family for a few years. You will sound needy if you keep texting or messaging him. Just enjoy your own free time now as you have only been dating a few weeks. Wait until he gets in contact and talk to him when you get back. You are taking things slowly and would continue to do so is a smart thing to do as we never really know anybody regardless of where he is from. 8 weeks is far too soon to be talking about marriage but I would be wary if he has to ask his parent's permission if he wants to be with a woman who is not Indian. Do you want children yourself? If so, then you need to think about this, but for now just give him a bit of space to enjoy seeing his family as you do come across needy.

I am not needy Want children but likely will be a SMBC

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Original poster

Trippingslippingx1 · 09/03/2022 20:20

@psychomath

Send him a message on whatsapp and see if it's delivered, then at least you'll know if he has internet access?

Dont have whatsapp Going to instagram a very light message to say send pics of delhi hope you got there OK etc xx

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Volhhg · 09/03/2022 20:24

I ticked YANBU because I think you know that something isn't right here and you're not getting what you want out of this relationship. Personally I don't do the I've landed text messages although I will still text my mum after I have settled in

Eucalyptusbee · 09/03/2022 20:30

@PurpleDaisies

I think you probably need to be realistic here. He’s on holiday and he isn’t thinking about you.

That’s not a great sign for a budding relationship.

Sorry OP but I agree out of sight and all that..

Roaming costs aren't high enough to stop someone from sending the odd message

Plus. WiFi ....

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2022 21:01

Going to instagram a very light message to say send pics of delhi hope you got there Ok

There’s no way that message sounds light.

jimmyhill · 09/03/2022 21:37

I'll never understand people who text to say they landed safely.

If your plane doesn't land safely, it'll be on the news

Munchcrip · 09/03/2022 22:09

@AlternativePerspective

Sorry what? He’s going to ask about marrying a European woman?

OP even if you end up in a relationship with this man, it is very evident that his family will come as part of the package and you will spend the rest of your life trying to please them, and possibly being judged by them. It’s clear he does as his family tells him to, and that can only be trouble.

Run now.

Thisss

If his parents are reluctant and he insists and you get married, they will make you pay

mmarket · 09/03/2022 22:30

OP I've been dating a guy for 6 weeks who is currently abroad (quite far - 6 hour time difference). He text when he landed at the airport, and called from a cafe with Wi-Fi after a couple of days (with some messages here and there in between - though lighter on the messages than normal, as he's enjoying his break).

Point is, if he wants to contact you, he will. If he isn't, for whatever reason, there's choice in that.

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 09/03/2022 22:54

@jimmyhill me neither! Seems so bizarre. I understand letting someone know you arrived after a long car journey, or train trip across Europe. But a plane?! If it took off, in 99.9% of cases it’s going to land at the other end just fine!

BOOTS52 · 09/03/2022 23:17

Am sorry but you are acting needy and thinking about it all the time. If he wants to message you he will find the means. Let him miss you and yes a text would be lovely but he is a grown man and you cannot make him text you. Keep busy and do things that you enjoy and there are other men out there that may be more invested in a proper relationship. Just think about yourself for now.

shellbelle3 · 09/03/2022 23:27

Just been to a European country 2 ish hours flight. Got there tried everything! Changing settings enabling roaming etc etc nothing ! No 3g no phone signal 🙄 couldn't even tell the person picking me up I was there 🙈. Got to my hotel 7th floor no WiFi signal 🙄. Never had problems with it before but not been abroad for ages so 🤷🏻‍♀️

GameofPhones · 09/03/2022 23:37

I think it depends on personality. You say he's introvert. So am I. When I am on holiday, I don't want to be thinking about, and messaging, home. I am in a different world, which I thought holidays were meant to be.

2bazookas · 09/03/2022 23:37

Maybe his UK phone doesn't work where he is?

BigupPemberleyMassive · 10/03/2022 01:05

Don't chase after him.

GreekGod · 10/03/2022 04:10

Run. He is clearly caught up with family and tbh doesn’t care. If he wanted to talk to you , he would have done. Please don’t waste your time. My cousin was like this - constantly chasing a guy from overseas whose family wanted him to marry someone who they approved of. Horrible situation. And some point my poor cousin was going quite mad with it all. After him she met a lovely guy and have two gorgeous kids. It took a lot of work from our side to get her to stop obsessing over him