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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to do this?

430 replies

CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 16:35

One evening a week until around 6:30 I watch my husband's kids along with ours whilst he finishes at work (he has to stay later this day).

One of them wants to do a hobby on this evening and I've been asked if I'll take them so they can do it. It's about 15 mins away and I'd have to stay. I've said no. I have his other kid too and our young child who'd have to be dragged along.

AIBU to say that I'm not taking them so H or their mum even will need to sort something between them if they want to go?

OP posts:
rahjama · 09/03/2022 16:42

I don't think YABU but only because you'd have to take the other two children and entertain them for the duration of the club which would presumably be an hour.

What's the mum and your H doing, working?

vampirewellness · 09/03/2022 16:43

How old are they? Can their mum take them?

Original poster
CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 16:44

@vampirewellness

How old are they? Can their mum take them?
It's not one of her days so she's working I guess.
OP posts:
Original poster
CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 16:44

They are 7 & 9. It's the 9 year old.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 09/03/2022 16:44

YA definitely NBU.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 09/03/2022 16:46

Do you need to stay with the 9 year old? Could you drop them off and someone else collect them?

Cornettoninja · 09/03/2022 16:46

Yanbu, they’ll have to come up with something else. I do feel sorry for the dc but that’s life.

Are there any children they know who go? Maybe they could arrange for your dh’s child to go with them and your DH or their mum could pick them up. It’s not really your problem though.

Debroglie · 09/03/2022 16:47

Your husband’s kids? So your step-children? You sound very detached from them. How old are all the children?
It’s a shame if a child misses out on a hobby they’re keen on. How long would you have to wait? How hard would it be to entertain the other two? How easy would it be for either your dh or his ex to take the child?

Original poster
CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 16:48

@Duracellbunnywannabe

Do you need to stay with the 9 year old? Could you drop them off and someone else collect them?
Not really. No point driving there then back then there again packing kids in the car twice.
OP posts:
Arabellla · 09/03/2022 16:48

YANBU, don’t start it, it will be difficult to back out. The parents need to sort, it’s not your child.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/03/2022 16:48

Why would you have to stay for the duration? Can they not arrange a lift with one of the other parents and your DH can return the favour on a night when he's available?

Original poster
CartoonFig · 09/03/2022 16:49

Add to that it's right over tea time, especially for ours who's only 2.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/03/2022 16:49

No, they have 2 parents who need to sort that out.

LoganberryJam · 09/03/2022 16:49

YANBU - looking after them at home is one thing but entertaining two small children while you wait for the third is a pain. Does an adult have to stay? Could you maybe drop off the 9yo and then he gets picked up at the end by his dad? Or share lifts with the parents of another child who attends?

lanthanum · 09/03/2022 16:50

If you say yes, then they may not bother exploring other options, such as finding out if there's a friend whose parent could take them.

HELLITHURT · 09/03/2022 16:50

Can your DH charge his long day at work?

Can he swap his access days, so mum can do it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/03/2022 16:51

No way. They have two parents who can sort this if they’re bothered enough.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/03/2022 16:51

They are not your responsibility. Their dad and their mum should be sorting care out. You are not the unpaid babysitter.

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2022 16:51

@Debroglie

Your husband’s kids? So your step-children? You sound very detached from them. How old are all the children? It’s a shame if a child misses out on a hobby they’re keen on. How long would you have to wait? How hard would it be to entertain the other two? How easy would it be for either your dh or his ex to take the child?
I thought that too (about sounding detached), especially as OP refers to them as 'kids' and hers a 'child'.

I still think OP is not BU though, it sounds like too much to take on.

pictish · 09/03/2022 16:52

Yanbu. The specific circumstances of this make it too much hassle. I’d say no.

Loopytiles · 09/03/2022 16:52

YABU on your choice of language.

YANBU not to facilitate the activity.

saveforthat · 09/03/2022 16:52

If one of your children wanted to do a hobby on that day what would you do.

newbiename · 09/03/2022 16:54

@saveforthat

If one of your children wanted to do a hobby on that day what would you do.
It's not one of her children though.
bluepeacock · 09/03/2022 16:55

I was going to say I probably wouldn't have done this for my own dc's when they were younger (driven 15 mins for a hobby and had to stay with the 2 younger ones) however thinking back I actually did this for swimming lessons for a period of about 3 years.

I agree with a pp that the way you speak about "your husbands kids" is horrible. I don't know whether you meant it to sound that way but it comes across really resentful.
If you enter into a relationship with someone who already has dc's you take them on as part of your own family, no?

Whether you do it or not is up to you but I really hope your attitude towards your - very young - stepchildren isn't obvious to them.

CowsAreNotGreen · 09/03/2022 16:56

It’s a shame if a child misses out on a hobby they’re keen on it is but that's on Dad as it's his contact day. Nothing to do with OP.

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