To refuse to do this?

[CartoonFig]

One evening a week until around 6:30 I watch my husband's kids along with ours whilst he finishes at work (he has to stay later this day).

One of them wants to do a hobby on this evening and I've been asked if I'll take them so they can do it. It's about 15 mins away and I'd have to stay. I've said no. I have his other kid too and our young child who'd have to be dragged along.

AIBU to say that I'm not taking them so H or their mum even will need to sort something between them if they want to go?

Treating stepchildren as your own does not mean automatically doing everything your told even when it doesn't suit the rest of the household!

imagine if your relationship had broken down and your dh had remarried and his new wife refused to take your dc to their hobby.

I would never expect a new wife to take my child to a hobby. That's the difference I guess.

If there is an equivalent club on another night that your dh could take them to, them it is very unfair to ask you to juggle the younger dc in the car for an hour. That is something most family's would only do if there was no other option for doing the club. If this is the case you should 100% put it back to your dh.

Agree with this. If you don't want to treat stepchildren as your own, don't marry a man who has young children if I treated my stepchildren as my own they would look at me funny and laugh. We have a perfectly good relationship and a great time but if I started tucking them into bed instead of dad they'd wonder what was going on. Don't treat them as your own, treat them as them.

Could you not just drop him off there then let dad pick him up whilst you take the younger children home? If it's something the child is passionate about then I would want to do what I can to facilitate it but I can see why you also wouldn't want to be cooped up in a car with 2 other kids especially so late at night

I refer to my DH’s daughter as “my husband’s daughter” or “DH’s name’s daughter” if people don’t know her name. Similarly, she refers to me as “my dad’s wife”. We get on very well!

Would you go if it was YOUR child?

Well if the mum was keen enough to look into this activity, surely she should be the one doing ferrying around? Bit cheeky to organise something when there seems to be no intention of actually doing the legwork

@CartoonFig

imagine if your relationship had broken down and your dh had remarried and his new wife refused to take your dc to their hobby.

I would never expect a new wife to take my child to a hobby. That's the difference I guess.

Exactly. It's the expectation, the assumption, the oh OP could do it. It's different if it's a "would you mind?" And then absolutely no fuss or sulking if you say no.

@CartoonFig

imagine if your relationship had broken down and your dh had remarried and his new wife refused to take your dc to their hobby.

I would never expect a new wife to take my child to a hobby. That's the difference I guess.

But is she expecting you to take her child to a hobby, or is she expecting the DF to take them?

@username9871028

Would you go if it was YOUR child?

Why does this matter? It isn't. The child's own parents aren't going.

Re the timing and our child, I work until 4 I then go and get our DC from nursery and SC from after school and by the time we're back we've got no really time to have tea before we need to set off out again so no it's not as easy as just eating beforehand.

@Washermother33

OP - I’m a step mum - my SD is an adult now . When you have kids of different ages you juggle these things . Lady I know feeds her three year old pasta out of a thermos flask whilst the 11 year old does his sport . When my elder needed a tutor the younger and I did homework and toastie in Costa . Go for a walk or to a playground . You could take him and someone else collect maybe after work if the timings work . Think about it calmly before you say no

I think the difference there is the age if the child. I’d do that with a 4 or 7yo no problem at all. I’ve actually done that with only two Dcs and no step children!

But I would NOT do that with a 2yo unless I knows that their NORMAL bed time was much later. They are too young to easily cope with that sort of changes, even more so if they also attend nursery, have to be up and about early in the morning etc….

But is she expecting you to take her child to a hobby, or is she expecting the DF to take them?

I don't know. I don't speak to her.

I was referring to the poster asking me how I'd feel if my exes new wife refused to take my child to a hobby. The answer is I wouldn't expect her to.

YANBU

@username9871028

Would you go if it was YOUR child?

I've answered this a couple of times.

@WimpoleHat

I refer to my DH’s daughter as “my husband’s daughter” or “DH’s name’s daughter” if people don’t know her name. Similarly, she refers to me as “my dad’s wife”. We get on very well!

How HORRIBLE of you to refer to her as such.

Yanbu. It is too much for the 2, and probably 7 year old.

Just say no it isnt possible but your dh is welcome to work out how he could facilitate it.

YANBU When I choose what clubs my children do, I take into consideration how it affects the others. I would not book a club that put a 2yo out so much. If your DSC parents want him attending this club so much, they need to make it happen.

This is crazy. It's perfectly reasonable to say your own kids can't go to a hobby just because it is inconvenient. It's equally OK to say no to taking kids who have an additional 2 parents. Let them do their hobby on a day that works for everyone.

@Bournetilly

YANBU for not wanting to take them if it’s bad timing and you’d have to take the other children with you. YABU with your attitude towards them, I wouldn’t like someone to refer to my child that way.

You wouldn't want someone to refer to your child as your child?

Would people really have their child doing a hobby which meant their 2yo sibling had to be out over their dinner time and potentially right up until their bedtime? Likely falling asleep in the car on the way home due to the time and then being a nightmare to put to bed because of that?!

I honestly feel like most people wouldn't do that unless the 2yo could be left at home with someone else, or someone else could take the older child to their hobby. I definitely wouldn't do it until 2yo was older.

Just to point out, in my area it is SO common for children to be called kids. It's not some insult like so many here seem to be suggesting. Literally everyone I know calls their kids, kids... My husband and his ex call them "the kids"

@CartoonFig

Just to point out, in my area it is SO common for children to be called kids. It's not some insult like so many here seem to be suggesting. Literally everyone I know calls their kids, kids... My husband and his ex call them "the kids"

The issue with pp was you used different language with your child.

You wouldn't want someone to refer to your child as your child? I know right! My DH calls his kids "My Kids". He's clearly a monster.