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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say something to nursery queue jumper....

240 replies

NoNow · 08/03/2022 21:02

Hi all!

Queue forms outside nursery gate every day. Two woman are good friends, only one of them will go to where her friend is in the queue, bypassing everyone! I think this is very rude, and it happened again today. (The other friend does not do this, even when beckoned!)
Which means she knows it's not on really....

No one else appears to be that fussed, but it bothers me because I think it's rude!

Should I say something to her?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Citronsucre · 09/03/2022 22:54

The school should take the lead on this. Staff need to be out there on the gates, setting the tone and culture of the school.

Citronsucre · 09/03/2022 23:03

Last year, I was heavily pregnant and struggling to make it to my own school on time to teach because the queue at nursery would effectively get longer while I was standing in it (on account of the cliquey queue jumpers). I was the only key worker parent at the nursery, and my life became about trying to get to the front of that queue so that I could get to work on time.

It made me feel totally miserable. We even put a deposit down for a different nursery. At that point, the Head said that I could use a different door and could drop off dc at opening time.

What they should have done is told the queue jumpers to knock it off.

SunflowerSmith · 09/03/2022 23:05

This happens at our primary too, there are 3 women who are friends, one of them is at the front of the queue on most days and the other two will always walk past the whole queue and stand at the the front.
The one parent then has to join another queue for her older child and does the same there.
It does really annoy me, none of us want to queue, we want to get our kids and go home but most of us have respect for the other parents.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the children of these 3 women are the ones who misbehave the most in class.

Original poster
NoNow · 09/03/2022 23:16

@SunflowerSmith

This happens at our primary too, there are 3 women who are friends, one of them is at the front of the queue on most days and the other two will always walk past the whole queue and stand at the the front. The one parent then has to join another queue for her older child and does the same there. It does really annoy me, none of us want to queue, we want to get our kids and go home but most of us have respect for the other parents. I don't think it's a coincidence that the children of these 3 women are the ones who misbehave the most in class.
It's so annoying isn't it?! Do you think you'll ever say anything to them?

I just don't get how people can be so brazen!

OP posts:
Original poster
NoNow · 09/03/2022 23:18

@Citronsucre

Last year, I was heavily pregnant and struggling to make it to my own school on time to teach because the queue at nursery would effectively get longer while I was standing in it (on account of the cliquey queue jumpers). I was the only key worker parent at the nursery, and my life became about trying to get to the front of that queue so that I could get to work on time.

It made me feel totally miserable. We even put a deposit down for a different nursery. At that point, the Head said that I could use a different door and could drop off dc at opening time.

What they should have done is told the queue jumpers to knock it off.

Yes, this is exactly what they should've done. Sorry that you had to put up with that crap.

I get annoyed as well because if the friend is at the back of the queue the CF would never go back there to have a chat! So clearly, the chat is not that important.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoNow · 09/03/2022 23:18

@Citronsucre

The school should take the lead on this. Staff need to be out there on the gates, setting the tone and culture of the school.
I may say something to them, after April 😀
OP posts:
Original poster
NoNow · 09/03/2022 23:19

@TooManyPJs

I don't think this is really pushing in as such. She just wants to chat to her friend while waiting. Unless it really holds you up, I'd let it go.
As I've said, she never goes to the back of the queue if her friend is there, so clearly it's not just about chatting to her friend ;)
OP posts:
MRex · 10/03/2022 06:23

(The other friend does not do this, even when beckoned!)
Which means she knows it's not on really....
Just curious about this bit of your OP, does this mean you think the other non-jumping friend ought to be saying something to police the behaviour of the queue jumper?

Original poster
NoNow · 10/03/2022 06:28

@MRex

*(The other friend does not do this, even when beckoned!) Which means she knows it's not on really....* Just curious about this bit of your OP, does this mean you think the other non-jumping friend ought to be saying something to police the behaviour of the queue jumper?
Not necessarily, but the fact that she won't queue jump should be a clue.
OP posts:
TheHoptimist · 10/03/2022 07:28

@OnceuponaRainbow18

My husband pushes in mainly because he has to go to work for a meeting 10 min after we can drop off at the earliest
He pushes in because he is an entitled prick

He needs to get up earlier and be first in the queue or wait in like like all of the other parents who also have somewhere they have to be

Is he generally a dick in life?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 10/03/2022 08:05

@TheHoptimist

Ha ha ha no far from a dick, he’s great. It’s only on MN that most men seems to be dicks and women seem to hate men and think they are all entitled. Must be sad to live life that way

SirChenjins · 10/03/2022 08:29

It's only on MN thatsome women seem to be so accepting of their husband's prattish behaviour. Must be so sad to have such low standards.

Anyway - has the lightbulb gone on in your husband's head yet, has he figured out how to join the front of the queue without jumping it?

Laiste · 10/03/2022 08:30

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@TheHoptimist

Ha ha ha no far from a dick, he’s great. It’s only on MN that most men seems to be dicks and women seem to hate men and think they are all entitled. Must be sad to live life that way[/quote]
@OnceuponaRainbow18 But in all seriousness why do you believe that his schedule is more important than anyone else's in the queue?

If everyone did as your DH does and decided their child must get in first there would be no queue for him to walk past. There'd be a big crown of people at the door every morning all struggling to be first.

Can you not see how entitled it is to waltz past everyone who has turned up before him?

MayorMargeret · 10/03/2022 08:39

Would pushy husband jump the queue if the other parents were mainly men?

Original poster
NoNow · 10/03/2022 08:42

FFS not again!!! 😂

@OnceuponaRainbow18 I thought I'd just got rid of people going after you 😂.. they're right, but that's not the point of my thread lol

OP posts:
MRex · 10/03/2022 08:49

Oh dear, the goady one is pushing her way into the thread again.

MRex · 10/03/2022 08:58

Back on track @NoNow. Not necessarily, doesn't quite answer it for me. I'm often near the front because I made the effort to be there so that I can get back to work or get to DS's activity. As I said, I've had a few occasions when people pop forward to talk to me. I perceived it as their cheek not mine, but now I'm genuinely wondering if or what I ought to say to them. "Get your cheeky arse back to the end of the line" doesn't feel very friendly to someone who's asking how we are, or updating that her ex is now demanding Sunday to be difficult so can we meet Saturday instead.

Original poster
NoNow · 10/03/2022 09:03

@MRex

Back on track *@NoNow. Not necessarily,* doesn't quite answer it for me. I'm often near the front because I made the effort to be there so that I can get back to work or get to DS's activity. As I said, I've had a few occasions when people pop forward to talk to me. I perceived it as their cheek not mine, but now I'm genuinely wondering if or what I ought to say to them. "Get your cheeky arse back to the end of the line" doesn't feel very friendly to someone who's asking how we are, or updating that her ex is now demanding Sunday to be difficult so can we meet Saturday instead.
I think it's slightly different if people come to speak to you, but they're still being CF's. This woman tries to get the other to come to the front of the queue where she is, but the friend doesn't do that. But if the friend is at the front then the CF will go to where she is no problem.

As long as you're not being the queue jumper, or asking them to come over to you then I wouldn't have a problem with you - just the cheeky as fuck queue jumper who can talk to you after if it's so important, or get there at the same time as you :)

OP posts:
MRex · 10/03/2022 09:09

Phew! Ok, as long as I'm not considered a CF for enabling any CFs due to my prestigious queue position it's all good.

Original poster
NoNow · 10/03/2022 09:45

@MRex

Phew! Ok, as long as I'm not considered a CF for enabling any CFs due to my prestigious queue position it's all good.
I wonder what would happen if you reminded them that there's a queue 😀
OP posts:
MRex · 10/03/2022 10:00

Trying to make me did your dirty business eh! If there was a polite way to shoo them back then I would consider it. It isn't the same person each time in my queue's case to make it worthwhile alienating half the the neighbours, so I'll pass.

LizBennet · 10/03/2022 10:06

You need to take my sister with you really.
She would 100% say "Oi! There's a queue!!"
She's made me cringe many a time with her forthrightness.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 10/03/2022 10:11

@Laiste

Because no one is delayed, the kid walks around and in, adult does a thumb up, absolute non issue.

angieloumc · 10/03/2022 10:24

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Laiste

Because no one is delayed, the kid walks around and in, adult does a thumb up, absolute non issue.[/quote]
So you're both now teaching your DC to be entitled too? Nice.

Woollystockings · 10/03/2022 10:42

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Laiste

Because no one is delayed, the kid walks around and in, adult does a thumb up, absolute non issue.[/quote]
But why don’t you teach your child that it is good manners, as part of a community, to wait their turn in the line? It not just about that no-one is delayed, according to you. It’s about teaching them not to push in, not to go first, that other people are of equal value - Taking turns, learning to wait and learning to share are important social and developmental skills.

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