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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To say something to nursery queue jumper....

240 replies

NoNow · 08/03/2022 21:02

Hi all!

Queue forms outside nursery gate every day. Two woman are good friends, only one of them will go to where her friend is in the queue, bypassing everyone! I think this is very rude, and it happened again today. (The other friend does not do this, even when beckoned!)
Which means she knows it's not on really....

No one else appears to be that fussed, but it bothers me because I think it's rude!

Should I say something to her?

AIBU?

OP posts:
TrippinEdBalls · 09/03/2022 20:03

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@TrippinEdBalls

Round of applause for insulting a toddler[/quote]
Look, you're the one setting your child up for a lifetime of people thinking they're a brat because you haven't modelled basic manners like waiting your turn...

MiniCooper15 · 09/03/2022 20:03

@TheRealistBub

I think OnceuponaRainbow18 is a troll that needs reporting. Intentionally looking to get under peoples skin.
You're probably right.
Cheshirecatwoman · 09/03/2022 20:05

This would really annoy me too @NoNow but I wouldn’t say anything, I’d just silently seethe.

A similar thing happened at our primary (pre-covid) when we used to queue up to go and watch nativities/assembly etc. You would turn up and get in the queue, arrive 30 mins early if you wanted a good seat, then doors would open about 10 mins before the start.

A group of parent friends and family started sending one dad to queue up, and then joining him at the front of the queue just as the doors were about to open. I had been standing there queuing in line, with everyone else, and these brazen people would join right at the front. No one ever said anything but I used to seethe internally!

Even worse, they would get into the hall and put coats down across the front row for their friends who were coming later or near the back of the queue. If I asked to sit on the end, they’d say sorry this seat is reserved. So bloody cheeky and annoying.

MRex · 09/03/2022 20:07

Are they childminders? One of the childminders at our nursery will ALWAYS queue jump to either of the two others on pretext of chatting. The other two don't, but they do occasionally swap kids about if there's been delay with kids coming out from one of the schools, or if they are sorting dinner all together. To be fair they are usually still quite early, so it involves skipping in front of perhaps 3-5 others (almost always me!) and they have a complex pile of kids to organise between them.

I am almost always very near the front for pick-up and notice lots of mini queue jumps at ours. I have even occasionally had people come to me or seen some go in front. I'd usually go back to chat if still it's a short queue, but for etiquette, I think when anyone jumps no more than 2-3 spots and ask the jumped people then it's happily accepted. One friend didn't ask the people behind today, but she's in the middle of a divorce and stressed so I was just pleased she was smiling for once. If I spotted the same person doing it a lot then I'd probably roll my eyes quite severely, but these are all people who will be around for many years so I'm not going to squabble over 5 minute here or there. I advise you to roll your eyes in similar style.

MNHQ
ImaniMumsnet · 09/03/2022 20:18

Hi everyone!

We agree with OP! Let's not derail the thread. We have gone through and deleted some of the comments that broke our TGs for mainly being a bit goady or personal attacks. We would love for the conversation to keep going so let's try and keep it civil.

Best,
MNHQ

Kanaloa · 09/03/2022 20:32

@DappledThings

Does the entire nursery leave at the same time? Ours has people dropping off and collecting throughout the day so there's no queue but if it is the entire group leaving together like school I'd be more annoyed with their daft system than the other parent and would suggest to nursery they send all children out and hand them over to parents in the order the child is in their queue not when the would arrives.
@DappledThings

In my experience private day nurseries tend to open 7/7.30-6.630 and have parents paying for various sessions and coming and going as they please. School nurseries (or council nurseries) tend to open 8-4/9-3 or similar and ask parents to come for the full day or particular sessions, and prefer parents to drop off and collect at the session times.

Kanaloa · 09/03/2022 20:33

I personally dislike it and prefer the kids gradually leaving - when they all go at once you basically only have time to say ‘Eva’s mummy, Eva’s been fine.’ I don’t think it lets you build up that good relationship between parent and key worker.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2022 20:35

OP it would annoy me too! I can see the arguments do not saying anything but I really hate anything that is not fair, like queue jumping. Even when it doesn’t affect me!

My husband pushes in mainly because he has to go to work for a meeting 10 min after we can drop off at the earliest

^^
I’m sorry but this is incredibly shitty! Why is his need to get to work more important than everyone else’s?

Shipoftheseus · 09/03/2022 20:37

I’ve read all this thread and I can’t believe people think jumping the queue is OK behaviour. In effect, it’s cheating. When it can be altered and challenged, it should be. Especially when those people are parents. It might mean the next generation has a better chance of knowing how to behave as part of a community, and society in general will improve. Who cares if the parent is cross and you meet them at the school gate for the next five years. Maybe they will adjust their behaviour. It might mean that your child doesn’t have to spend those five years with a fellow child that behaves equally badly.

Original poster
NoNow · 09/03/2022 20:39

@Shipoftheseus thank you!

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Yes, it's a massive hate of mine too. Hence why I don't think I can let it continue without saying something...eventually!

OP posts:
Original poster
NoNow · 09/03/2022 20:41

Can we just ignore the poster who said about their husband pushing in please?
Not to be rude but this thread is about me hahaha

Stop ittttttttttt

OP posts:
LizBennet · 09/03/2022 20:43

😂

Cormoran · 09/03/2022 21:15

Beat her to her game.
Join the friend before she arrives, start chatting , ask about food, holidays, clothes she is wearing, you like her style, blah blah, and don't move once the friend arrives. Involve her in chatting about the most annoying thing such as the use of bamboo for bedsheets, and when you all get to the door, say sorry , got to go and jump them.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2022 21:22

Sorry @NoNow I hadn’t read the full thread- that comment just annoyed me so much I had to post!

Laiste · 09/03/2022 21:25

YANBU OP.
There are The Special Ones who do it at our primary as well.

We have to queue in single file round the block and we all stand there like muppets while the same old few all march past us and as near to the front as where one of them has managed to land. You never see them moving back up the queue to gather together.

Coincidentally they are also the ones who must always park their cars within 10 feet of the school gate come what may. Even though it's causing chaos just a few feet behind them with traffic trying to squeeze past their cars the hilarious chat goes full steam ahead.

The most that gets done is a fair bit of eye-rolling between the rest of us in the queue and a lot of hard stares. They've either got the hides of rhinos or are so totally up their own arses that they're oblivious.

Flippydip · 09/03/2022 22:00

People queue outside their nurseries?? We all just turn up at ours and everyone stands in a random spot somewhere near the door. Sometimes your kid comes out quickly, sometimes you wait a while. When you arrive you just gaze around, find a gap and stand in it.

lisaandalan · 09/03/2022 22:10

I would not bother, most people are going to talk to their friends, would consider it rude not too, you are all going to get your children, it may take an extra five minutes but the school will get them all out quickly. X

Laiste · 09/03/2022 22:13

Yeah, that used to be what it was like when life was normal.

Our school changed to queuing when covid hit and we are STILL having to do it - as if standing maskless in a loooong line round the block chatting in groups and with the rest of the village trying to squeeze past us all is going to do bugger all Hmm

All our kids are mixing in class - so we might as well be in a commune. What the hell difference is it making if the adults stand in a line before they take their kids home??

2nd rant of the night Grin

Laiste · 09/03/2022 22:14

Oh my post was to Flippydip.

Kanaloa · 09/03/2022 22:15

@lisaandalan

I would not bother, most people are going to talk to their friends, would consider it rude not too, you are all going to get your children, it may take an extra five minutes but the school will get them all out quickly. X
But maybe if it’s so rude not to talk to your friend you could move to the back of the queue with them? So as not to rudely push to the front of the queue.
Laiste · 09/03/2022 22:22

Why should all the people without friends and who have left in good time to get in the queue be happy to stand there for an extra 5 mins every day because a bunch of other people like to rock up late and push in? That's half an hour a week.

Why when the 2nd/3rd friend arrives do the others all not rush to the back of the queue to greet them if place in the queue doesn't matter?

Shipoftheseus · 09/03/2022 22:22

@lisaandalan

I would not bother, most people are going to talk to their friends, would consider it rude not too, you are all going to get your children, it may take an extra five minutes but the school will get them all out quickly. X
How is that acceptable behaviour? If you need to be cliquey with equally rude people, you can go to the end of the queue to talk. And putting an X at the end doesn’t make it any better. It makes it worse.
Laiste · 09/03/2022 22:23

When i say without friends i meant friends in the school queue Grin

MRex · 09/03/2022 22:49

@Flippydip

People queue outside their nurseries?? We all just turn up at ours and everyone stands in a random spot somewhere near the door. Sometimes your kid comes out quickly, sometimes you wait a while. When you arrive you just gaze around, find a gap and stand in it.
You'd all be in the road getting under cars if you tried that at ours, then it's a narrow path down and back. All orderly until it gets near the lunchbox and drink collection scrum where about 6 will be trying to grab items, a couple of kids are sent out by one teacher for any of those 6, one parent talks to another teacher, other parents kitted out with children and artwork are trying to turn to leave, a kid is demanding snack or coat off before they'll move, a little brother falls off a scooter, etc etc.
TooManyPJs · 09/03/2022 22:53

I don't think this is really pushing in as such. She just wants to chat to her friend while waiting. Unless it really holds you up, I'd let it go.