I’m definitely reasonable…. I think!

[GracieLouFreeebush]

I went out on Saturday, it was for someone’s birthday and was split over two venues meaning we needed taxis halfway through the day. Me and my partner are skint at the moment so he offered to come pick me up, ferry a car full in between then walk the dog at the other side for a couple of hours before driving me home.

I only actually know the person who’s birthday it was. There is a group chat though, it was such a good day we decided to keep it going so we can arrange meet ups in future. Some people had to still get taxis across because there was 19 of us and only 4 fit in my car, including me.

The next morning in the group chat the person who had booked the taxis (Ubers) put her bank details in for everyone to transfer their share - including me. It worked out at £14 each, everyone but me sent the money and she chased me up for it, I replied saying oh I didn’t get a taxi because DP came and drove. She replied saying “to make it fair it’s been divided equally between all that attended so that some don’t have to pay more”…. But I am paying more, because I also paid in petrol and DP paid in time. I’ve refused to pay (I don’t even have the money until I get paid Friday).

Since then I’ve been removed from the group chat, when I asked my friend she explained the others are upset that I would be so selfish and make them pay more, but I see it as we would have needed to pay for an extra taxi so I saved everyone money.

They're batshit. Probably a CF queen bee and everyone else following like sheep for fear of being ostracised.
That's a weird mix of animal metaphors
But you get my drift.
You don't need this level of crazy

The normal way to do this would have been to have your passengers pay the share of taxis, as as you say that was just luck, and for you to be left out of it as your contribution was already made when you reduced the average taxi spend by giving people a free lift!!

@GracieLouFreeebush, I voted YABU because I thought it was all pre planned ( Clouded by my own personal experience) I've seen that it wasn't so I will change to YANBU !!

@Nat94

Yeah i don't know how they can chase you up for money when you didn't get the taxi. So unless you agreed to use the taxi beforehand and they had already counted on you paying towards it then they are being very unreasonable.

The only thing that doesn't make sense to me which i know is none of my business is how you can afford to go out all day with these girls but claim you cannot afford the £14 taxi fare.

Money is finite. If you spend what you have you run out. Let’s say OP had £50 spare and the activity was £30 and brunch was £20. Once she paid for both she would have no spare money for the taxi.

This seems basic logic to me but my BIL doesn’t get it either. He thinks because we send out DCs to private school and go on holidays that means we also have enough to pay for the whole extended family to do nice things every time we see them. Sadly it doesn’t work that way— we have enough for school and holidays because we spend modestly on everything else.

Also, when someone says they “can’t afford” something like the taxi in the OP it doesn’t necessarily mean they literally could not come up with the money. It means they have prioritized other things. OP’s partner sacrificed his afternoon because he knew the activity was as much as she was comfortable spending without the cost of the taxi.

Another one to say you are definitely not being unreasonable! They are deluded and mean to kick you out of the group chat.

Omg this is awful how they are treating you. Do not pay as u did not use the taxi.
Also - why would u want to be friends with ppl like that? Not nice at all!!

Ur well rid of them. Chin up OP!

^Money is finite. If you spend what you have you run out. Let’s say OP had £50 spare and the activity was £30 and brunch was £20. Once she paid for both she would have no spare money for the taxi.

This seems basic logic to me but my BIL doesn’t get it either. He thinks because we send out DCs to private school and go on holidays that means we also have enough to pay for the whole extended family to do nice things every time we see them. Sadly it doesn’t work that way— we have enough for school and holidays because we spend modestly on everything else.

Also, when someone says they “can’t afford” something like the taxi in the OP it doesn’t necessarily mean they literally could not come up with the money. It means they have prioritized other things. OP’s partner sacrificed his afternoon because he knew the activity was as much as she was comfortable spending without the cost of the taxi^

Exactly, so bloody obvious yet so many people can't seem to see it.

The OP has budgeted for the activity and the meal and identified that paying for the taxi will leave her short, so found a cheaper solution. If she'd have paid for a taxi she would probably then be short of food money, bus fare or some other essential between now and pay day and would look like the kind of stupid person who spent all her money on having a good time at the weekend and is now unable to buy food and would then probably try guilting other people into chipping in for, like her so called friends are doing to her.

@goeasyonmee

Say you're happy to pay as long as the 3 that came in your car reimburse you for the fuel. Send your bank details and wait.

I was thinking exactly this! This is the reason I avoid large meet ups where your only know 1 or 2 people. You always end up out of pocket, when usually the one who eats/drinks the most wants to split the bill.

I would be happy to not be part of the group, this is bizarre

Certainly don't pay (for a taxi you didn't use!)

@Nat94

Yeah i don't know how they can chase you up for money when you didn't get the taxi. So unless you agreed to use the taxi beforehand and they had already counted on you paying towards it then they are being very unreasonable.

The only thing that doesn't make sense to me which i know is none of my business is how you can afford to go out all day with these girls but claim you cannot afford the £14 taxi fare.

Because if OP only has access to £50 and that's what it costs to do the activity and attend the meal, she can't magic an extra £14 up for a taxi?

I'm not sure what's so complicated about that, lol.

Just reply saying you actually saved them money as - at your expense in petrol and DP time - you eliminated the need for one whole taxi. You did this to save money.

They're being mental.

As someone else up thread has mentioned, even though you're not in the group any more, you should still be able to see everyone's numbers that is in the group so I would send an individual message to each and every one of these CFkers saying this
"Hi, I'm very confused here because I was asked to pay towards a taxi journey that I didn't take. Not only that but by offering 3 seats in the car with me I managed to save 3 of you the cost of at least one taxi fare. It appears that I've been kicked out of the group for refusing to pay towards this taxi charge. I will not be paying towards a taxi charge for a journey that I didn't take in a taxi. I am also very disappointed that I've been kicked out of the group for refusing to pay this. It was lovely meeting some of you and celebrating Birthday Girl's birthday but it is sad to be parting on a sour note."
Then I would drop the rope, not be so quick to resume friendship with Birthday Girl or any of her friends and move on.

Do not pay this.

I've literally been in this exact boat - except it was actually high school.

One of my group of friends couldn't afford to pay his share for the limo for the y12 formal. So the cost was increased for each the rest of us so we could cover his share, and he still came with us.

We just decided to pay the extra, but my mother was really pissed that I had to pay extra because one person paid nothing! She told me to tell them all to F off and I would just get my parents to drive me.

Obviously I didn't want to follow that advice.. I went with my friends, so I could be with them and also have the full formal experience of riding in the limo. I literally didn't care about a few extra dollars at the time. I mean, I think he was supposed to pay us back, but although he didn't, we weren't worried.

So this kind of thing happens, I guess. People can't afford things, so friends just cover them - if they want to.

But as to the OP who asked the question if she's wrong to not want to pay for transport she didn't take... obviously she's not wrong at all. It was THEIR choice to hire the uber and pay whatever they paid. Just like it was me and my friends' choice to cover our broke friend for his share of the limo - in high school.

But your friends don't get to shove the cost on to you after the fact. That's just not how it works.

I mean, I suppose that all the other 17 friends decided to pay, because they didn't mind. That's fine. Their choice.

But you made a different choice. That's also fine.

But if they've all decided to ditch you and go off to sulk about it... well, that's simply not your problem. You're all adults - except you're the only one actually BEHAVING like an adult!

Just let them go off and behave like over dramatic teenagers do. They are behaving foolishly, but it's not your problem.

You're a grown up with a husband and a life you have to budget for, and you did what you needed to in order to keep costs low for yourself, which is call him for a ride instead of going in the expensive uber. You did the right thing, the responsible and grown up thing.

Just don't worry about their childish temper tantrum. Your conscience is clear no matter what they think.

@CourtRand - that's the key.

The OP is an adult and made the adult decision to save money - call her husband, who also made an adult decision to bring the dog and take him for a walk whilst his wife was at dinner with her friends.

The friends are adults who are behaving like children. They're behaving like those teenagers who love to create drama out of nothing!

But OP's conscience is clear.

That's ridiculous. Of course you shouldn't have to pay. So they all had to chip another 80p ffs

How did the others get home at night op?

I think I pressed YABU by mistake when the page was loading up 😩

You’re deffo NOT unreasonable, they’re taking the absolute piss.

Where’s the petrol money for your partner?

How rude to boot you off the chat too.

You even mentioned in the group chat the lift was to save money! How is that hard to understand this means no chipping in for a taxi you didn't use?
You've been nothing but reasonable

YANBU

I don’t understand why they would think you should pay

I also don’t think the other 3 girls in your car should pay either!

How did the others get home at night op?

I would assume taxi but I don’t actually know because I didn’t stick around after the brunch slot finished.

@GracieLouFreeebush

How did the others get home at night op?

I would assume taxi but I don’t actually know because I didn’t stick around after the brunch slot finished.

Maybe they thought you should pay for that too, just a thought. Yanbu, I’d find it very difficult not to say something to them.

Erm... You were also the taxi so maybe everyone should be paying more to pay your partner for their taxi service!? Some humans are so entitled.

Well their £14 would be more if your DH hadn’t had driven as they’d all be paying for an extra car too. Maybe remind them of this and I agree explain you are not flush atm which is why DH came. Nightmare. YADNBU

All I can think is maybe they thought DP drove to make everyone’s night cheaper because I offered the lifts to the others and commented that it would save the price of another taxi!

How strange. If only you had known you were liable for £15 then your DP could have stayed st home and saved all that time and petrol