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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m definitely reasonable…. I think!

184 replies

GracieLouFreeebush · 07/03/2022 20:06

I went out on Saturday, it was for someone’s birthday and was split over two venues meaning we needed taxis halfway through the day. Me and my partner are skint at the moment so he offered to come pick me up, ferry a car full in between then walk the dog at the other side for a couple of hours before driving me home.

I only actually know the person who’s birthday it was. There is a group chat though, it was such a good day we decided to keep it going so we can arrange meet ups in future. Some people had to still get taxis across because there was 19 of us and only 4 fit in my car, including me.

The next morning in the group chat the person who had booked the taxis (Ubers) put her bank details in for everyone to transfer their share - including me. It worked out at £14 each, everyone but me sent the money and she chased me up for it, I replied saying oh I didn’t get a taxi because DP came and drove. She replied saying “to make it fair it’s been divided equally between all that attended so that some don’t have to pay more”…. But I am paying more, because I also paid in petrol and DP paid in time. I’ve refused to pay (I don’t even have the money until I get paid Friday).

Since then I’ve been removed from the group chat, when I asked my friend she explained the others are upset that I would be so selfish and make them pay more, but I see it as we would have needed to pay for an extra taxi so I saved everyone money.

OP posts:
OnTheBoardwalk · 07/03/2022 21:26

Typos

SarahBellam · 07/03/2022 21:29

I think ‘to be fair’ that everyone who didn’t go in your car should pay for the cost of your car.

What sort of dumbass planet was the taxi queen living on? 😜

Original poster
GracieLouFreeebush · 07/03/2022 21:31

I’ve no intention of speaking to them again, it’s too dramatic for me. I will stick to my normal friends that seem to have their heads screwed on properly.

I was just doubting myself because I was being made to feel I was being unfair.

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 07/03/2022 21:31

"Sooo sorry I misunderstood! I didn't realise the taxis were £14 per person. Here's DH's bank details so the three other ladies can pay him what they owe him directly. I've given my share straight to him. Thank you this really helps with our fuel costs, so thoughtful of you all Flowers mwah mwah "

JudgeJ · 07/03/2022 21:31

@bigred22

Ask your friend if they think your DP's car runs on magic dust instead of fuel
Ask them to split the cost of his fuel and time among the group, 'to make it fair'.
ShopoholicIn · 07/03/2022 21:35

Of course YANBU in fact the 2/3 who were dropped off in your car should have paid you back.. why on earth do they pay of some one else is getting a taxi.

Bangolads · 07/03/2022 21:35

Dear god aren’t people horrible! No you shouldn’t pay. Obviously you all came from different places initially, is that factored in too? They’re idiots- ignore them. They’re vile and you deserve better. I’m sorry it feels horrible when it feels like a group of people are against you. 😘

FlyingIsEasy · 07/03/2022 21:37

This is all you need to say.

"If it wasn’t for DP offering to drive then I wouldn’t have gone because I just wouldn’t have been able to afford it...we would have needed to pay for an extra taxi so I saved everyone money".

Unless there's a back story YANBU op.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/03/2022 21:39

YANBU and just be thankful that it was bottomless brunch or else they'd have had you split the bill for steaks and cocktails when you had pizza and half a lager to keep the cost down.

Cakeandcardio · 07/03/2022 21:40

Fuck that for a carry on. If you had been driving yourself would you also need to pay for a taxi? Mental.

NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 07/03/2022 21:44

Yanbu

But these are not future friends

Leave them to it

Butchyrestingface · 07/03/2022 21:45

No good deed goes unpunished. Sad

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 07/03/2022 21:45

@GracieLouFreeebush

With it being a group of 18 that seem to agree with me it makes me wonder if I am in the wrong. I wouldn’t have ruined DPs day if I could have afforded taxis!
Send them the link to this thread and all the people on here who agree with you. That will shut them up.
FrenchNameChange · 07/03/2022 21:46

Unless it was big huge 12 seaters or something, booked for all of you. Imagine it was a bus for 20 people, it works out to £10 each, it was booked for 20 people because 20 people rsvp'd and suddenly 5 decide to drop out. The 20 seater is still £200, and now everyone else has to pay more. Should everyone else cover their cost if the bus was originally booked because they said they were coming. If the taxis were booked in advance YABU, if not, and there were no empty seats, you're YANBU

Googlecanthelpme · 07/03/2022 21:49

I dunno you know.

I personally would have not asked you for the money OP, I would not have expected some one who didn’t use a taxi to pay.

BUT I do sort of see their logic. It was one long day, one big event and the taxi thing could be considered as part of the day. Therefore the cost of that part of the day has just been split between everyone who attended the day.

As I say, I personally wouldn’t ask you to pay but there could also be that element of “sod you Jack I’m alright” - like you’ve fucked off in your own car and everyone else has had to pay.

That’s 100% your right, I’m just playing devils advocate that’s all.

I wonder if a better way of handling it would have been to say to the bday girl upfront - my DP is going to give me a lift between venues as im a bit skint and that extra 15£ is a bit of a stretch. At least then they would have known.

However maybe the taxi element wasn’t really known upfront or discussed.

I don’t think you’re wrong but I also do kind of see the other 18 peoples perspective - they treated the whole cost as an included expense of the day and you’ve opted out of paying it.

Awkward I guess, I wouldn’t have removed you from the group over it!

Original poster
GracieLouFreeebush · 07/03/2022 21:51

it was booked for 20 people because 20 people rsvp'd and suddenly 5 decide to drop out. The 20 seater is still £200, and now everyone else has to pay more

They were booked while we were there and finishing up after the activity so no extras were booked.

OP posts:
Yellownightmare · 07/03/2022 21:52

I can't understand how they can work out they're shortchanged, when it is only costing them £14 divided by the remaining 18 people. Whereas the cost of another taxi would have been £60-£70 divided by 18 people. It makes no sense at all.

Darbs76 · 07/03/2022 21:54

That’s terrible. If they wanted it to be fair they could have removed you as your husband was the taxi and then divide by the rest. All would have saved money as otherwise the fare would have been more. They are unreasonable - completely

Original poster
GracieLouFreeebush · 07/03/2022 21:57

I wonder if a better way of handling it would have been to say to the bday girl upfront - my DP is going to give me a lift between venues as im a bit skint and that extra 15£ is a bit of a stretch. At least then they would have known.

I had mentioned it a few days in advance in the group chat. I said I’ve had a lot of outgoings this month so DP would be driving me to save some cash but not to worry he has made plans for himself so he won’t be trying to be part of anything, and that I wouldn’t be staying out after. I also said there will be a couple of seats in the car so we don’t need to rely on as many taxis which was a concern for the group due to the activity being miles away and not wanting to be stranded.

OP posts:
Tiddlesthecat · 07/03/2022 21:57

Blimey O'Reilly. You've had a lucky escape! I would have been tempted to charge the others who used your car extra taxi fare and then ask the group whether they also billed the taxi drivers as they were also in the taxis! It is the most ludicrous thing that I have heard. I can just about (at a push) understand the three women who you have lifts to contributing towards a taxi fund for fairness sake towards the others, but you and your husband provided that service. Their partners could also have saved them money by giving them lifts. They are absolutely bat shit! I bet no one offered to give you petrol money or buy you or your husband a drink.

TatianaBis · 07/03/2022 22:02

@Annonymiss123

They are being extremely dramatic over 78p! The £14 that you (DON’T) owe divided between 18 of them works out at 78p each! 🙄

Don’t give them a second thought @GracieLouFreeebush.

This is what I was going to say. OP's "share" would cost them all less than a pound.

Who organises a bash at 2 different venues so far apart anyway? Why does no-one drive? Why are they being such twats?

BlueOverYellow · 07/03/2022 22:03

YANBU

You'd end up paying more overall if you have to kick in for their taxis on top of your own driving costs. They're taking the piss.

NotYourOscarSpeech · 07/03/2022 22:11

Firstly, to be totally clear OP, you are definitely definitely definitely NOT being unreasonable!! In any way!!

However, the only kind of small justification for their behaviour - and it isn’t your fault and doesn’t change your response - is that I assume someone is more “out of pocket” compared to the others and are feeling a bit miffed. Really, the others should just all put in the extra £1 to cover that rather than you but perhaps this person is complaining about being worse off and it’s made you look like the bad guy.

steppemum · 07/03/2022 22:11

I would reply with.

Happy to pay my share when I am paid on Friday - but as we are all sharing everything, I think you forgot to add the cost of my car to the group before you divided it. 25p per mile works out at £... (make sure it comes to more than £14) perhaps you could arrnage to transfer that money to my DPs account?

You should still be able to see the numbers of the people from the chat, so you can send them all that message.

Walkingalot · 07/03/2022 22:21

Wow. As you said, you made it clear you were making your own way and had room for a few extra. You've saved the group money and they still want you to pay for something you didn't use!!! I hope someone in the group has a light bulb moment and realises how fecking cheeky that is!

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