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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m definitely reasonable…. I think!

184 replies

GracieLouFreeebush · 07/03/2022 20:06

I went out on Saturday, it was for someone’s birthday and was split over two venues meaning we needed taxis halfway through the day. Me and my partner are skint at the moment so he offered to come pick me up, ferry a car full in between then walk the dog at the other side for a couple of hours before driving me home.

I only actually know the person who’s birthday it was. There is a group chat though, it was such a good day we decided to keep it going so we can arrange meet ups in future. Some people had to still get taxis across because there was 19 of us and only 4 fit in my car, including me.

The next morning in the group chat the person who had booked the taxis (Ubers) put her bank details in for everyone to transfer their share - including me. It worked out at £14 each, everyone but me sent the money and she chased me up for it, I replied saying oh I didn’t get a taxi because DP came and drove. She replied saying “to make it fair it’s been divided equally between all that attended so that some don’t have to pay more”…. But I am paying more, because I also paid in petrol and DP paid in time. I’ve refused to pay (I don’t even have the money until I get paid Friday).

Since then I’ve been removed from the group chat, when I asked my friend she explained the others are upset that I would be so selfish and make them pay more, but I see it as we would have needed to pay for an extra taxi so I saved everyone money.

OP posts:
EveningOverRooftops · 07/03/2022 22:28

Respond to friend and only this response.

‘If that’s the case, DP was acting as an Uber driver for the group. here’s my back details. I expect the 4 that made use of DPs services to pay £7 each to cover fuel and time’

Neolara · 07/03/2022 22:40

I think the issue is the person demanding the money has already asked everyone for their £14 and if OP doesn't pay, is either down £14 herself or has to get everyone to cough up another 80p each, which is a hassle for her and the others. Obviously, none of this is OP's fault.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 07/03/2022 22:40

@Annonymiss123

They are being extremely dramatic over 78p! The £14 that you (DON’T) owe divided between 18 of them works out at 78p each! 🙄

Don’t give them a second thought @GracieLouFreeebush.

Exactly 78p and they are upset and removed you from a group seriously what’s wrong with some people , they really have no logic if they think you are in the wrong op .
Dimondsareforever · 07/03/2022 22:43

I do think it’s fair for all to put in the money for the taxis, including those who got a free lift …. BUT NOT YOU!! You provided the car and petrol. Therefore YANBU!

MissMaple82 · 07/03/2022 22:45

Why the frig would you pay for something you didn't use. Tell them to fuck off. You don't need friends this uptight

MissMaple82 · 07/03/2022 22:46

Absolutely 100% DO NOT PAY

WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 07/03/2022 22:54

£60-£70?! Obscene! Not at all unreasonable to not pay.

And just to add what a lovely DP you have to drive to the middle of nowhere to pick you up and take you into the city centre when that must have been a faff for him.

Jjjayfee · 07/03/2022 22:58

Of course you are not being unreasonable..they are.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/03/2022 23:01

They just sound like your everyday take-advantage bill-splitters. It's amazing how furious some people will be and froth and gaslight about 'paying your fair share' when their deliberate MO is precisely to pay less than their fair share.

To make it the fairest of all, the total cost of ALL of the taxis - with your DP considered a defacto taxi-driver, along with the Ubers (with an assumed same rate as the others) - should have been added up and then that total cost split between all of you. That way, it would have cost all of you - including you - £18 or so each, but that would have been easily affordable as it would have been taken out of the £70 paid to your very kind DP as an ad hoc 'taxi driver'.

Thus, the fairest way would have left you with a £52 PROFIT (minus petrol etc costs) rather than an expected £14 LOSS (plus petrol etc. costs).

You're well-rid - with selfish non-logic like that, I'm surprised they didn't include your DP in those needing to pay and expected him to contribute his 'share' too, towards the cost of, erm, using his own car and petrol and driving it himself.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/03/2022 23:04

I think they must have known that you were in the right and that they had no case at all. Otherwise, they wouldn't have been so hasty to remove you - they would have left you to squirm and try to justify your way out of your unreasonableness before they properly gainsaid you, had you actually been unreasonable.

CookieMunch · 07/03/2022 23:05

Did you see other people actually comment saying they thought you were being selfish? Or did your friend just tell you that everyone agrees with her and disagrees with you? I bet ‘everyone’ is just your friend and the admin for the group

Thewindwhispers · 07/03/2022 23:06

Yanbu!

What selfish petty people. Sorry this happened to you butnsounds like you’re better off not knowing them!!

Gladioli23 · 07/03/2022 23:07

Luckily for you, you've got the money and they've got your sympathy.

Don't transfer any money. If relevant point out that e.g. 20 miles @ 0.45 per mile X2 because he had to come out as well was £18 so you have already contributed more than your share, but definitely do not transfer anything.

OliveOyl321 · 07/03/2022 23:26

@MischievousBiscuits

CFs. It's like being asked to contribute to the cost of the wine when you haven't drank any at a dinner out!
^^ My thoughts exactly. We have two friends in our gang who don’t drink. We always take the alcohol off the bill before splitting if we’re out for a meal. They offer but no way could we expect them to pay for something they didn’t have (especially when it’s expensive!) It’s a pity you’re not still in the group chat just to defend yourself but as they’re not people you’ll see again then try and forget it. Pity they ruined what was a nice day for you. Fair play to your DP for being so accommodating, and for you making the effort to go to something for your friend when money was tight.
theresAtablet4thatNow · 07/03/2022 23:29

Why are (some? most?) people so shitty? They're being ridiculous.

This is why I honestly don't bother with people outside my family. Too many of them aren't worth the work.

Hawkins001 · 07/03/2022 23:36

@GracieLouFreeebush

*seem to disagree with me
What if someone in the group runs the maths to.prove you correct .? Just because they think your wrong, does not automatically mean they are correct in their analysis
KatherineofGaunt · 07/03/2022 23:39

I've just noticed your username, OP. Gotta love Gracie Lou from New Jersey! 😆

EeeICouldRipATissue · 07/03/2022 23:47

You what?!
You're expected to shell out 14 quid for a taxi you didn't even get just so they got a subsidised ride?!
Get to fuck lol
(In case you need telling you absolutely are not being unreasonable, they on the other hand definitely are!)

VanGoghsDog · 07/03/2022 23:56

@GracieLouFreeebush

But surely if your DH hadn't picked you up an extra taxi would have cost everyone much more?

YEP! Each taxi cost between £60-£70 so it would have been that on top.

HOW MUCH!!??
Rickrollme · 07/03/2022 23:57

In real life people just explain themselves but on MN for some reason things get so complicated. From what you’ve presented OP it is very clear-cut and I can’t believe even one of them would expect you to pay. It goes beyond being cheeky, it doesn’t even make sense. Either you’ve had a lovely day with 18 women who are all very very thick and have zero basic social experience OR there’s been a misunderstanding. Did you explain this to the birthday girl? What about the woman who took you off the chat and (if they are not the same person) the one to whom you were meant to give the £14? If you had fun with the group and you were looking forward to seeing them again I would reach out and explain because chances are they don’t have their facts straight.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 08/03/2022 00:07

I've just noticed your username, OP. Gotta love Gracie Lou from New Jersey! 😆

Missed that, love it Grin
'' She's beauty and she's grace, she's Miss United States.... '' lol

Nat94 · 08/03/2022 00:14

Yeah i don't know how they can chase you up for money when you didn't get the taxi. So unless you agreed to use the taxi beforehand and they had already counted on you paying towards it then they are being very unreasonable.

The only thing that doesn't make sense to me which i know is none of my business is how you can afford to go out all day with these girls but claim you cannot afford the £14 taxi fare.

TheUnexpectedPickle · 08/03/2022 00:16

Not RTFT but no, you’re not in the wrong.

Nothing stopping others arranging their own lifts or driving themselves. Not your problem or your responsibility.

Honestly, don’t worry about being excluded from further days/nights out- it’ll all be similar CF activity. You don’t need that!!

NorthSouthcatlady · 08/03/2022 00:20

They sound batshit and CF’s. Avoid!

Niahm · 08/03/2022 01:21

What weirdos! I HATE it when large groups of people all seem to agree on something that’s obviously ridiculous. It makes you doubt yourself no matter how preposterous their reasoning is doesn’t it!

They’d have had to pay nearly £18 if you hadn’t saved them the fifth taxi. They should be grateful to you if anything the knobs!