To think you don't say this to a child!

[UndertheCedartree]

I spoke to the doctor this afternoon about my DD who has Long Covid. He wants to do a blood test to rule out any other causes of the symptoms.

I am separated from her dad but he was over at my house after picking her up from school. I spoke to DD alone about the blood test. She burst into tears but I explained they can put numbing cream on your skin so it shouldn't be too painful and promised her a muffin from the cafe. Along with a cuddle she calmed down. We came downstairs and I told her dad she needed a blood test. His response was 'Oh, I bet you're not looking forward to that!' at which point she burst into tears again! I don't understand why he can't think before he speaks!!

[quote sadpapercourtesan]@WorraLiberty again, that depends on your child. One of mine is autistic and would have needed to know well in advance - certainly at least the night before. Even if it meant technically more hours of being worried about it, he needed a countdown of sorts before anything like a trip to the hospital.

So many people assuming they know more about OP's child than she does. It sounds as though she knows her child very well, and is doing what is best for her.[/quote]
Yes, both mine need to know well in advance.

@WorraLiberty

Oh God, your poor ex.

The more you post, the more I can see why you're not together.

Being married to Mrs Permanently-Right must've been exhausting 🙄

We're not together because when he was having a psychotic episode he was violent towards me.

I am neurodiverse. There are ways people can learn to improve their emotional regulation, through DBT therapy for instance.

(I'm not saying what your ex said was right BTW.)

But don't say even to yourself that she's unlikely to improve in her emotional regulation/sensitivity @UndertheCedartree .

There are probably things that can be begun right now to build her emotional resilience.

Barring something like someone being non verbal (and there are things that can be done for them, it's just a lot harder) we can all continue to improve throughout our lives, with work.

[quote 187mob]**@UndertheCedartree* It is not about accepting something to do something you don't want.*

I disagree with this. Sorry OP but it’s exactly about that because who on Earth wants to get a blood test? I’d pay good money to never have to have another one ever again in my life. But realistically speaking, I know that is an illogical view to adapt. Do you know how many situations your daughter has yet to face where she will have to accept doing something that she doesn’t want to do? From getting up really early in the morning to make it to school on time to attending her PE lesson when she first starts her period? I know these are minor examples but they are relevant examples nevertheless. They are not examples of situations whereby she will have a choice as to whether she likes it or not. Gently does it works in some situations and is absolutely fine. But ripping the plaster off is also necessary in some situations too.[/quote]
She's 9, she's got years to get used to the fact that blood tests aren't great.

Kids vary, they have their own personalities. One of mine would have been horrendous if he had ever needed a blood test as a child, another one had one when he was 3, woman taking the blood asked him if he could hold his arm out and it would hurt as the needle went in but would be over quickly or would he need her to get two nurses to hold him down when it would take longer and hurt more. He thought about it and said he'd hold his arm out and he did. Her technique would have resulted in his brother having a fit of the vapours but she read him right and he was comfortable with the information.

Same mother, same upbringing but one was sensitive and one was a pragmatist. Still the same although both are brave boys for blood tests now.

[quote sadpapercourtesan]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow I'm a teacher not a nurse, but I have a reasonable grasp of how children develop. It's different experience from yours, but equally useful, I think.

I've met plenty of nurses - and doctors - who didn't have an ounce of humanity in them and treated their patients like pieces of meat. I'm sure you're not one of those - but we don't know, do we.

The "bright and breezy" approach may appear to "work" in that it makes your job easier. Children handled in this way will generally suppress and swallow their feelings because they know there is no comfort available. It doesn't mean they don't feel fear or that they wouldn't have been better off with a gentler approach.

And for children like OP's DD, who are fearful from the moment of being told about the blood test, the "bright and breezy" approach is invalidating and ultimately damaging.[/quote]
Thank you for saying that. I was damaged so much because of being treated like that as a child. Obviously, I'm going to make sure not to do the same to my children.

It all sounds very difficult OP, and there's clearly way more going on than a fairly innocuous comment from your DDs dad.

I do think you've overreacted, but if you're overwhelmed it's easy done. Sometimes it's the little things that set us off more than the big ones! I have adhd myself and was a very highly strung and over sensitive child. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21 although I'd figured it out myself by 15. I'm sure you're doing your best for your DD and she'll handle the blood test just fine.

Take a deep breath and maybe step away from the thread now

EMDR therapy really helped me @UndertheCedartree , and might help you if you've suffered trauma.

I don’t see how this thread can be of any possible further benefit to you, OP. You’ve spent all night here.

If you need someone to give you permission to step away then here it is. You can hide the thread and go to bed. It’s not rude.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow - I've achieved a child who is feeling calm and positive about her blood test tomorrow.

Yes, thank you, all. Goodnight.

Just to say OP, in future try yo use activities for the reward positive transitioning. I was always given sweets and chocolate after difficult things and now as an adult it is hardwired in my brain to turn to food for comfort.

It's a blood test. Your turning it into a big deal. No need to sit and discuss it or bribe her. I hope your not like this regarding vaccines. Kids need to know these tests are a normal part of life. It hurts less than cutting your finger. If you make a fuss out of it now your making a rod for your own back further down the line. My sons had multiple tests a year since he was 4. He doesn't like it but knows its over quickly. Makes more fuss about the cream going on than about the needle. Now he either has the spray on his arm or nothing.

@UndertheCedartree you're better off posting on one of the SEN boards for stuff like this.

My kid has ASD (final stages of the assessment) and I'd have to present it similarly to him.

Because if I wouldn't- the second he'd see the needle, he'd go into complete meltdown and lash out, kicking, screaming, screaming, biting doing as much damage as possible.

Not to mention I'd lose all of the hard earned trust he has in me.

To top it off, it'll take fucking years before I'd get him to see a dr, any dr again.

When he needed an emergency eye appointment as he got some glitter in it, it took over 8hrs of me, my mum and all of the fantastic HCP to manage to have a look.

That muffin looks a damn sight more reason now .

And he's needed to go to A&E to get checked up and have an x-ray recently. Despite waiting 9hrs (was busy) and being scared, he complied peaceful. Because I worked with him and I explained.

@UndertheCedartree

I work in endocrine. You said hypothyroidism?

Please PM me. I might be able to help or even point you in the right direction. If you’re exhausted and cold then that means your levels aren’t enough and need to be reviewed ASAP really.

And to all of the PPs who are snottily claiming that the OP is treating her DD like she's autistic before she has an official diagnosis... you do realise that the diagnosis is a formal acknowledgement of that person's neurodiversity, right? You don't just become autistic after the diagnosis .

It will be the best part of 3 years for my son to receive a diagnosis and he presents fairly typical/ the clinician was happy to basically fast track the application. That's 3 years of not acknowledging your child's needs as there's no diagnosis.

I've only just seen this post.

I'm autistic. I have two DC who are both autistic.

I am spectacularly comfortable with needles. Have absolutely ZERO nerves even for injections which are known to be a bit more painful. Had to have my blood taken last year and a cannula and they struggled, I had needles hanging out of my arms everywhere!

My children though are about as terrified of the idea of needles as you could ever get. Literally petrified. They are both 12 yrs old, and there is absolutely ZERO chance of getting a needle near either one of them.

They won't have their COVID jabs. They're now home educated so it matters less as there's not the same huge exposure as at school.

I have no clue how I'm going to get them to have they BCG etc. Nurses won't pin kids down for injections and there is no way they would consent.

My DS had a really unpleasant rash in December which wouldn't go. I posted about it on here. There were some concerns it was systemic so GP asked for blood tests. I had numbing cream. Absolutely no chance. He refused, got very very very upset about the idea.

As it happened, the rash magically disappeared - thank the actual fuck.

If you don't have an anxious child, especially one who's autistic, you have no idea how bad things can get.

Yes, getting that upset over such a small thing is irrational. But anxiety is often irrational, and anxiety can be a very big part of autism.

Suggesting kids just need to suck it up and get over it is a very ableist attitude - it sounds like OP has done really well to persuade her anxious child that this is going to be OK.

Re your ex, honestly it's not the worst comment ever but it's just a bit bloody annoying and thoughtless, especially if he knows your DD will be anxious.

I think the thing is with an autistic child that so often you're juggling lots of things, trying to anticipate problems and smooth the path because when things go wrong there can be a long-term impact. A bird squawking suddenly out of a bush at my son aged 3 has given him a overwhelming fear of birds - to a ridiculous degree - and a complete refusal to walk past certain things. I love birds. I'm a birdwatcher. Parental behaviour is not the cause of an autistic child's phobias. We know how the smallest thing can cause the biggest tsunami of distress, and we're used to having to plan, anticipate and manage things that most parents don't ever have to consider.

If your DC aren't like this and don't need this level of support just to get through the most basic things, then you're lucky - but you have no idea what it's like, or how bloody hard and unrelenting it is.

@CheshireChat

And to all of the PPs who are snottily claiming that the OP is treating her DD like she's autistic before she has an official diagnosis... you do realise that the diagnosis is a formal acknowledgement of that person's neurodiversity, right? You don't just become autistic after the diagnosis .

It will be the best part of 3 years for my son to receive a diagnosis and he presents fairly typical/ the clinician was happy to basically fast track the application. That's 3 years of not acknowledging your child's needs as there's no diagnosis.

@CheshireChat

Yes. Yes. Yes!

I didn't have the energy to even start addressing this comment from a PP about not having a diagnosis yet, but exactly this.

It's so bloody tiring having to constantly defend neurodiversity. The OP is autistic, there's a son who's autistic and the daughter is being assessed. It's looking pretty bloody likely, I'd say. You don't even get to the assessment part unless you're demonstrating significant signs and have multiple professionals agreeing. But sure, let's pretend that she's not neurodiverse and exacerbate the child's anxiety even further because we don't have that piece of paper just yet......

I don't know whether to scream or cry at some of these comments.

for the OP. Sleep well.

@SpidersAreShitheads love your username and I agree with so much of your post.
Particularly the anxiety bit. It's not anxiety of it's a valid and proportional concern!

This thread's been particularly bad, it seems like some posters have had an empathy bypass.

You do realise that some kids have to have regular blood tests. You're making a big deal out of nothing. Sounds like she needs to toughen up a bit!

Munchausens is where you make yourself sick. Which I highly doubt the OP is doing.

I didn't think it necessary to add by" proxy "

@UndertheCedartree

Incase this might help, I have a little one who is autistic. They have to go for bloods every 4 weeks just now because of low neutrophil count. I buy Emla cream from the chemist, I pop it on both arms around 30/45 mins before the appointment that way it's good and numb. Remember to do both arms and drink loads of water/diluting as the veins need to be well hydrated to pop up as such! Good luck

[quote UndertheCedartree]@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious - I'm sorry but you are just coming across as a bully. Some of us are more sensitive, some of us do feel things more, some of us struggle with our emotions. Please don't try and invalidate me and put me down as 'dramatic'. Just be glad you don't have to struggle like us.[/quote]
I said you're coming across a tad dramatic and you say this, yet in a later post to someone else that people often call you dramatic. I'm not bullying you, I'm pointing it out. You clearly are dramatic and think that anyone who thinks so is invalidating you. Again, your words. Good luck.

No wonder the poor child is a nervous wreck if you are always like this. He didn't say anything wrong ffs.