To think you don't say this to a child!

[UndertheCedartree]

I spoke to the doctor this afternoon about my DD who has Long Covid. He wants to do a blood test to rule out any other causes of the symptoms.

I am separated from her dad but he was over at my house after picking her up from school. I spoke to DD alone about the blood test. She burst into tears but I explained they can put numbing cream on your skin so it shouldn't be too painful and promised her a muffin from the cafe. Along with a cuddle she calmed down. We came downstairs and I told her dad she needed a blood test. His response was 'Oh, I bet you're not looking forward to that!' at which point she burst into tears again! I don't understand why he can't think before he speaks!!

@Cognoscenti - there was no big drama!

I was upset, I sorted DD out, then asked ex why he said it.

Yet more focus on your feelings rather than your daughter's.

But she burst into tears because she needs a blood test.

Why would that scare her if she never had one before?

My DD's therapist has contributed to this plan

In the one second between you finding out she needed a test she never had before and telling your DD, that's quick work.

@SpanishFly

"Not being grumpy with him about it. I asked him why he said it. He said he didn't think before he said it."

So why on EARTH did you come on here to ask if YABU and vent about it?!?!?!?!?!

Because I was upset and stressed! Everything is getting on top of me! I wrote this before I messaged him! I needed to vent!

Jeez i tell dc they have to have an injection or whatever and yes it will hurt. BUT itll be over in seconds.

When i was small i had an op. My dad was very detailed and honest about it how they give injection to make me sleep. Get scalpel and so forth. I was 8. He was honest.

Theres the me me me again . I rest my case !🤣

@mummykel16

But she burst into tears because she needs a blood test.

Why would that scare her if she never had one before?

My DD's therapist has contributed to this plan

In the one second between you finding out she needed a test she never had before and telling your DD, that's quick work.

Oh come on, have you never been scared of a medical procedure you've not had before? It is the uncertainty that is so scary! And we have a plan for dealing with difficult situations that the therapist has contributed to. I use the same framework as it works. I don't need to talk every separate situation through with her!

@Readyforspring

Jeez i tell dc they have to have an injection or whatever and yes it will hurt. BUT itll be over in seconds.

When i was small i had an op. My dad was very detailed and honest about it how they give injection to make me sleep. Get scalpel and so forth. I was 8. He was honest.

Are you/they autistic?

@KneadingKitty

Actually you’ll find fear is learned.

edition.cnn.com/2015/10/29/health/science-of-fear/index.html

Like I said. We’re only born with two fears. The rest we learn along the way.

If I were you op, I'd make myself a nice cup of camomile tea then lay on the chaise lounge to get over all the drama you've created.
You ask if you're being unreasonable, you're told yes, then you add drip feeds and are still told yes.
Mind you don't hurt your dainty feet with all that stamping.

OP I still don't understand why she cried at his comment when you say she didn't hear you mention the blood test? His comment could have been about anything, you could have been moaning about hospital parking for all she knew.

@cuno

I was upset, I sorted DD out, then asked ex why he said it.

Yet more focus on your feelings rather than your daughter's.

What?! I was asked why I needed to vent. I'm sorry for having feelings myself and really struggling at the moment. How can I be any use to DD if I don't deal with my stress? My therapist always said it is not selfish to deal with your own mental health as you can't be the best mother to your DC if you don't.

I care about my DD so much. I have spent so much time on finding what works for her.

@Whinge

OP I still don't understand why she cried at his comment when you say she didn't hear you mention the blood test? His comment could have been about anything, you could have been moaning about hospital parking for all she knew.

He referenced the blood test.

@KneadingKitty

www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/learning-to-fear

And another article

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-baby-scientist/202010/how-we-learn-be-afraid%3famp

Not being funny op but if you have a therapist, sack them.

Curiosity would be understandable fear is not, that's coming from you.

@Norgie

If I were you op, I'd make myself a nice cup of camomile tea then lay on the chaise lounge to get over all the drama you've created. You ask if you're being unreasonable, you're told yes, then you add drip feeds and are still told yes. Mind you don't hurt your dainty feet with all that stamping.

Stop being so mean. It is people like you who have blown this all out of proportion. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and felt the need to vent. Pretty sure we've all done that!

The actual situation at home wasn't some big blazing row! I was upset, I vented, I took a deep breathe and sorted it.

@Butchyrestingface

This. What a load of drama over nothing. I guess when you hate someone, them breathing is annoying

Funnily enough, we get on just fine. We're very good friends.

Seriously OP, you've been avidly milking the attention out of this thread for over FOUR hours now! 🤦‍♀️

I wouldn't mind but you only mentioned your daughter was "Probably ND", five posts in when people disagreed with you

He referenced the blood test.

He did? I thought he just said 'Oh, I bet you're not looking forward to that!' but in a sarcastic voice?

@Sirzy

Did you start the conversation with “you need a blood test” if so no wonder she was scared!

“The doctor wants to see why your ….. so we have to go tomorrow and let them do a test to see why. They will put some cream on your hand and then a bit later then will put a tiny needle into your hand (it may scratch a bit) and then take a bit of blood out but you won’t feel that bit. Then it’s done”

Simple. Factual. No overly emotive language.

That's very close to what I said.

@cuno

Numbing cream is my best bet for it not to be a traumatic experience.

Traumatic without numbing cream? Really? You are priming her fears whether you believe it or not.

I don't think the OP is really listening. Perhaps she doesn't 'get' how her fears are potentially impacting on her DD and making her anxious.

@Whinge

He referenced the blood test.

He did? I thought he just said 'Oh, I bet you're not looking forward to that!' but in a sarcastic voice?

Well we all know she's adapting and changing the story to whatever makes her look best in that moment, because she is absolutely never ever not the Perfect Parent at all times. This thread has more twists and turns than the novel I'm currently reading.

@WorraLiberty - what if telling a sensitive DC the night before so they have time to process and can stay calm. What if telling them in the morning would lead to panic, struggle and trauma? You still want to go with that option once you know that about the DC (as their mother would). At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you think might be hypothetically right. Without knowing my DC how can you really know? All that matters to me is she is treated in a way that works for her

When you spoke to her- she cried.

When her father spoke to her - she cried.

Nobody wins here.

@cuno - I'm far from a perfect parent. As many know on MN. Why would he say something to her that would make no sense? Obviously he had to reference what he was talking about! What enjoyment do you get out of baiting me? I'm very stressed about this and I'll be honest, your comments aren't helping. Can I respectfully ask you to leave me alone now. I wanted to vent. I shouldn't have done. I'm sorry.