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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/03/2022 14:24

Youre not wrong to feel how you feel.

That said, this is a huge part of performing. Same with the painful, scraped back hair buns. Since it's mixed ages, they'll want consistency otherwise the look of the whole show will be off. if it was just the younger ones performing, they may let them off.

TeenPlusCat · 07/03/2022 14:25

I don't think it is sending 'wrong messages' when it is a show. It is part of the 'costume' and stops them looking washed out under the lights.

otoh You might want very skin friendly products.

N4ish · 07/03/2022 14:25

Mascara and lipstick for a 3 year old! That would be a definite 'no way' from me. Are there alternative dance classes that she could attend that don't insist on this mini beauty queen display?

LucindaJane · 07/03/2022 14:25

I wouldn't be putting make up on my preschooler for a dance show. I once let her try a little of mine for dress up at home (just blush and light eyeshadow) but I object to the notion that these tiny children need a full face of make up to "look better". They will look adorable as they are.

AppleDoghnuts · 07/03/2022 14:26

Just say she has recently developed a skin allergy and doctor has said you can't.

Meatshake · 07/03/2022 14:27

Not a snowballs chance in hell would my 3 year old be wearing make up! They could have her as she is or not at all!

WeirdlyKind · 07/03/2022 14:28

@LucindaJane

It's not that they're not adorable, it's because their features can vanish under the lights. A bit of make up defines them and stops them from looking faceless from the seats.

(Dance school kid, danced until my early teens. Don't wear a scrap of make up now!)

Soton · 07/03/2022 14:28

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?

FloBot7 · 07/03/2022 14:29

I can see why it's normal to the dance instructors who have probably grown up competing in dance competitions. The makeup makes it easier to see facial expressions under stage lights. I'd put the makeup on but i wouldn't judge any parent who refused.

Movingsoon21 · 07/03/2022 14:30

I’m with you OP! Sounds a bit grotesque! Say she has eczema and has been told by the GP she can’t wear any

Anoisagusaris · 07/03/2022 14:30

My older dd does 2 dance/performing activities that have shows under proper stage lighting. For one they just wear foundation ( and max factor panstick is recommended so at least you feel it’s not fashion’ makeup but stage makeup) and red lipstick and only the older teens/competitive dancers wear make up for the other shows.

Hugasauras · 07/03/2022 14:31

That would be a hell no from me. Face paint to look like a tiger or something, yes. But I find standard make-up on such a young child very creepy. I understand that stage makeup is a thing, but I don't think putting it on preschool girls is appropriate. Are the boys wearing any or is it okay if their features disappear, just not the girls'?

Soontobe60 · 07/03/2022 14:32

@TeenPlusCat

I don't think it is sending 'wrong messages' when it is a show. It is part of the 'costume' and stops them looking washed out under the lights.

otoh You might want very skin friendly products.

I wonder if the boys also have to wear blue eyeshadow, pink blusher and red lipstick ?

Bintymcbintface · 07/03/2022 14:32

I wouldn't be happy plastering a tiny kid in make up either, I'd be telling them either no make up or your dd will be going to another group that doesn't insist on toddlers looking like they've bounced out of an 80s music video

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 07/03/2022 14:32

I actually think this really shows your “ class”
You’re right to refuse it. It’s disgusting these little girls dressed up like strippers.
I’m sure she’s beautiful and talented as she is

OldMillenial · 07/03/2022 14:33

Blue eyeshadow and red lipstick? And encouraging foundation and mascara? I have a 4yo DD who loves her tinted Nivea lip balm and a bit of glitter but there’s no way I’d be putting foundation on her perfect soft skin or any blue eyeshadow or mascara round her eyes.

theresAtablet4thatNow · 07/03/2022 14:33

If it's presented as part of the costume, I don't think it sends any messages. You wear special clothes for a performance, and the makeup can be presented in the same way. If she asks, explain that it's part of the costume, helps the audience see their faces better in the bright lights, etc. Personally, I'd leave out the mascara.

lookforthesun · 07/03/2022 14:33

My son is 8yr and has done many dance shows. The girls all get stuck in that awful make up like you describe and no one from the dance school has ever put any on him.

So it’s not about being “washed out”

FYI whenever I watch him perform he doesn’t look washed out on the stage !

Hugasauras · 07/03/2022 14:34

Personally I'd rather my DD looked washed out than wearing garish makeup at 3yo.

Norgie · 07/03/2022 14:34

It would be a resounding no from me. They're little girls, not women.
Do the boys have to wear it too? If not, why not?

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 07/03/2022 14:34

My daughters been in dance shows since she was around 5 and it's a rite of passage to be able to wear make up, this year at age 11 she was allowed it! I see where other people are coming from as to make the children look uniform but personally I don't think they need makeup so young.

Hidingin · 07/03/2022 14:34

Do the boys need to ‘look better’?
I wouldn’t want to teach her that for any talent and sport/activity she’s doing she must also ‘look good’ whilst doing it, in order to be considered acceptable

MisguidedSheep · 07/03/2022 14:35

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?

Yep, they do.

Honestly, it is fine. The young ones can get away with much less make up, but without it they just become featureless blobs under the stage lights. DD danced from the age of 2, getting them to sit still long enough for a full face of (light) stage make up us hard, so don't panic about it not being perfect (eyeliner was always my downfall) there will be the backstage helpers who will tidy up any wonky bits. Make sure you label her makeup, brushes, wipes, hair stuff etc as it does get mixed up.

They always steal the show when they toddle on and do their little dance. You don't even notice the stage makeup but you would if it was missing.

Enjoy watching her....bet you get leaky eyes!!

Lazypuppy · 07/03/2022 14:35

This is why i won't put my DD (4yo) into any club that requires make up for shows. No way in hell i would be putting any of that on kids that young

CaMePlaitPas · 07/03/2022 14:35

Agree with above, bit of lip balm or water soluble nail varnish is one thing but saying that children doing a dance on a stage look better with foundation, mascara and the rest just screams weird to me. I thought we'd got passed this as a society, obviously not.

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