To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

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DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

Hmm I’d say 3 is a bit young for a dance performance full stop, let alone makeup. Are there no movement to music type classes ? My DD is now 18 and she loves to dance but was put off by the stage school type schools we have in our area.

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?

Usually, yes. Certainly at older ages. It’s stage makeup, not beauty makeup.

YANBU I think it's ridiculous that kids dance shows need makeup and honestly it always looks bloody awful like drag show/cross pageant show anyway.

This is why I don't send my kids to dance schools. I don't know why kids can't just dance without the stupid scraped buns and make up. It's ridiculous.

Do they use different lighting for dance than for theatre? When I did kids' theatre (age 13 to 18) they didn't tell us to wear make up. I didn't wear any at all. (They did advise us on other things like wearing black pants to be absolutely sure that our black tights wouldn't go see-through.)
Surely being able to see facial features and expressions is as least as important as it is in dance?
I don't think we can have been faceless blobs as if so, my mum would absolutely have pushed me to wear make-up after the first show.

There's no way in hell I'd be putting grotesque makeup on my three year old.
But then again, they won't be joining any dance schools either.
I suppose if that's the way it is you can either go along with it or vote with your feet.

Why do you need make-up not to look washed out under the lights for dance, but not for a musical performance? I was in school choirs as a child, where there were very bright lights onto the stage - and we didn't have to wear any sort of make-up. So I am a bit unconvinced by that argument. And we were secondary school age where wearing make-up would be less of an issue.

@notanothertakeaway

This seems like a variation on this story www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/may/11/receptionist-sent-home-pwc-not-wearing-high-heels-pwc-nicola-thorp

I wouldn't want three-year-olds wearing make up. Does it really matter if they look pale onstage? I imagine most parents can recognise their own child from a distance

Not really when there are twenty other children under three foot tall in the same outfit and you're all the way at the back - it's why boys and girls alike wear makeup for shows. You just get a shot of little legs and a pool of light. Or a dark shape in the background.

I've had to field angry parents complaining that there aren't any good photos of their child on stage when they've refused to let them wear it, mostly because it's either sexualising them or will turn them gay, apparently.

Lighting for shows is difficult - some colours make people look ill or completely disguises them, particularly with darker skin tones (yellow is very good for showing the features of many with darker skin tones, but makes lighter kids look jaundiced and featureless, for example). But makeup helps with both as it's less common to have professional lighting techs compared to somebody riding the faders on the spot and a couple of static parcans.

I seriously doubt three year olds will be pulling the right/perfect performance facial expressions anyway. Its sounds like utter balls to me, I wouldn't do it.

My nieces ballet group managed without makeup at this age and looked absolutely fine.

The blue eyeshadow in particular does look hideous, especially on stage as the lighting magnifies it, and IME all of the schools that insist on it are run by former dancers whose glory days were the 1970s/80s. It's slowly dying out, at a glacial pace but it is going.

You get used to the rest though. Even the lipstick.

@Bergamotte

Do they use different lighting for dance than for theatre? When I did kids' theatre (age 13 to 18) they didn't tell us to wear make up. I didn't wear any at all. (They did advise us on other things like wearing black pants to be absolutely sure that our black tights wouldn't go see-through.) Surely being able to see facial features and expressions is as least as important as it is in dance? I don't think we can have been faceless blobs as if so, my mum would absolutely have pushed me to wear make-up after the first show.

Often they do use different stronger lights yes.

I was in school choirs as a child, where there were very bright lights onto the stage - and we didn't have to wear any sort of make-up. So I am a bit unconvinced by that argument. And we were secondary school age where wearing make-up would be less of an issue.

This. We didnt need it for orchestral performances either.

I'd pull my child out and tell them why. I'm not engaging in that.

YABU. It's a stage show not a school nativity. If your daughter is going to carry on in performing arts you may as well get used to it. My DD is 11 and her make up was really heavy for recent show and but from the audience you couldn't tell the kids were wearing it. Boys will also need to wear it, it's not an attempt to sexualise children, it's because of the stage lighting.

YANBU that’s revolting. I know some dance teachers think it looks cute, but to me it makes the kids look like sex trafficking victims. Zero chance I would ever agree or allow make up on dd until age 12.

To the person who said they look like ‘blobsm without it - what a horrible way to describe the natural face of a dancing child.

OP your instincts are correct, now you need to stand up for your child and tell the teacher you won’t allow this.

@Satsumaeater

Why do you need make-up not to look washed out under the lights for dance, but not for a musical performance? I was in school choirs as a child, where there were very bright lights onto the stage - and we didn't have to wear any sort of make-up. So I am a bit unconvinced by that argument. And we were secondary school age where wearing make-up would be less of an issue.

Dance is more visual than musical performance though isnt it, just as acting is.

It’s face paint.

That being said it was also a big reason that dd was never encouraged to go on stage despite both parents working in the theatre.

Let’s be honest here though. All the 3 year olds will be shit. There isn’t really any need to slather them in makeup as they are basically there to prance around a bit and look cute for their parents and grandparents. Once the children start getting a bit more serious I can deal with makeup but hell would freeze over before putting mascara on a toddler would be acceptable to me.

I absolutely support you! I can understand slightly older girls wanting to wear it as it will make them feel grown up and like proper dancers, that is natural. But absolutely no for a 3 year old! They are cute as they are and a lot of adult make up is too harsh for their toddler skin!

I would not be ok with this.
Some blush on cheeks or stage paint to become a cat - yes, but not eye shadows, lipstick and mascara.

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?

They have in every show I've seen. It's because they look washed out on stage, not to make them look prettier.

@Bergamotte I think it's quite unusual not to wear any make up for youth theatre. Ds is playing Jafar in Aladdin JR atm and is in full make up (although naturally talented in the evil eyebrow department)

Yanbu op, I'd never put any make up on a child under 12.

@BonusJonas

Do the boys wear make up to make them look better under the lights or to not looked washed out?

If not, there’s your misogynistic answer.

When my young DC did dance shows the boys and girls wore stage make up. Typically blusher, mascara and lipstick

I don't think I could be involved in anything that thought putting eye liner and lipstick on a three year old was essential (but not essential for boys funnily enough). I think this sort of thing really needs rethinking along with a lot of other sexist nonsense.