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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FinallyMrsE · 07/03/2022 14:36

This is the reason I did not start my girls at dancing, we chose gymnastics because I did not want them wearing make up as children. I agree with you and I’d be probably doing as pp suggested and saying her skin isn’t right so she can’t wear it.

Fernandina · 07/03/2022 14:37

@Hugasauras

That would be a hell no from me. Face paint to look like a tiger or something, yes. But I find standard make-up on such a young child very creepy. I understand that stage makeup is a thing, but I don't think putting it on preschool girls is appropriate. Are the boys wearing any or is it okay if their features disappear, just not the girls'?
I was heavily involved in children's dance performances for about 15 years, as a chaperone as well as a parent helper, and yes the boys need make-up as well.

Otherwise the kids look like death warmed up under the stage lights. The make-up is there only to bring back what looks like normal skintone and features for their age group.

Bintymcbintface · 07/03/2022 14:38

Maybe the issue could be resolved by changing the lighting rather than having a bunch of children wearing cosmetics so they don't "disappear" under the lights

LucindaJane · 07/03/2022 14:38

@WeirdlyKind As others have pointed out though, the boys don't get told to put make up on. And I don't really understand why 3 year olds need to do a full on show with proper stage lights, so even if that was an issue, I would just not send my child to that. Classes for fun - yes. Putting this much expectation on a 3 year old - no.

VariationsonaTheme · 07/03/2022 14:39

Yes, my boy dancer has always been asked to wear stage makeup for the same reasons, stage lighting means you can’t see facial features properly without it. His make up kit is more extensive than mine.

Hugasauras · 07/03/2022 14:39

So 3yo boys are wearing eyeshadow and red lipstick?

Bintymcbintface · 07/03/2022 14:39

Since when have blue eyeshadow and red lipstick been features of a normal skin tone??

lunar1 · 07/03/2022 14:41

When my eldest son is on stage he has to wear makeup, he's mixed race and has brown skin and dark eyelashes. Facial features just disappear under stage lights.

I do agree about the colours though, it sounds bloody awful.

SickAndTiredAgain · 07/03/2022 14:41

I was heavily involved in children's dance performances for about 15 years, as a chaperone as well as a parent helper, and yes the boys need make-up as well.

So the boys would be wearing blue eye shadow as well?

VariationsonaTheme · 07/03/2022 14:42

@Hugasauras

So 3yo boys are wearing eyeshadow and red lipstick?
I’ll admit he’s never worn blue eyeshadow, but then neither has my dancing daughter. It’s usually natural shades and mascara/eyeliner. Red lips, yes, that’s standard.
NicNax38 · 07/03/2022 14:43

Dance teacher here, it's nothing to with making them look 'better', it's that stage lighting washes their features out. That said, while I do ask for makeup on my little ones, I ask for a little blush, a lipstick a little darker than their natural lip colour and their brows a little pencilled if they are fair and some brown mascara. That said, my older girls wear full stage makeup, but that hasn't been blue eyeshadow for decades now!

blacksax · 07/03/2022 14:43

Honestly, the number of times this topic appears Confused They aren't being plastered with the stuff to look like tarts, ffs.

Everybody in the performing arts wears stage make-up when they are under stage lights or on camera. Even the likes of Clarkson.

NicNax38 · 07/03/2022 14:44

Oh, and boys do the same. Like I say, no blue eyeshadow though!

Sally872 · 07/03/2022 14:44

Its dressing up and easily discussed as a bit of fun for stage. You are not unreasonable to not want to do it though, I would probably just look for a different dance school.

FrancescaContini · 07/03/2022 14:46

Not a chance in hell.

CantStandMeCow · 07/03/2022 14:47

“The make-up is there only to bring back what looks like normal skintone and features for their age group.”

What? Bright blue eyelids?

Hugasauras · 07/03/2022 14:47

Jeremy Clarkson isn't a 3-year-old girl (although he behaves like it sometimes).

I find it very icky. Older kids, fine. Three-year-olds? No. My DD is 3 and doesn't even know what makeup is. She does dance classes but there's no makeup for the tiny ones, only the older dancers in like 10+ age group.

amylou8 · 07/03/2022 14:50

I wouldn't have given this a second thought as part of a dance performance. Presumably she's wearing a costume as well. The make up is part of the dressing up.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/03/2022 14:52

I didn’t enjoy putting make up on my DD when she was 5 for her first stage show. She absolutely loved it though.

I think it’s part of the performance and you either accept it or don’t do the stage shows. That might mean finding a different dance group.

Googlecanthelpme · 07/03/2022 14:54

You don’t want the message that girls “have to wear make up”
Which yes I totally agree with, but using face make up on stage doesn’t mean that you are accepting that narrative, it’s not necessarily black and white

you could just switch this to “some times we use face paint as part of performing” and then just wash it off after, you don’t have to use the words “make up / girlie / to look better” - you can say “face paint is just a way to express yourself on stage when you’re dancing”

Ultimately it’s a by product of dancing and performing, boys wear make up in film and on stage too and plenty of boys wear make up and nail varnish in real life too (granted not at 3yo)

If you don’t want to them don’t but I also don’t feel that it has to be presented as a feminist argument (and I’m a fully paid up and proud feminist).

I’d let her enjoy the theatrical part of it along with her friends if she wants to and just reinforce the “performance face paint” angle

fabulous01 · 07/03/2022 14:56

My child did ballet

I felt strange but honestly all the kids had it. It was to do with lighting and visual effects

A few parents didn't so so what you feel comfortable with but my little one loved it

cookiemonster2468 · 07/03/2022 14:57

That's ridiculous. It's a pre-school dance show. For what purpose do they need make up or to "look better"? They're 3.

That comment - "they do look better with mascara/ foundation on" - would really wind me up the wrong way. For a 3 year old, it is not about looking better, it's about having fun.

It doesn't sound like the tutors have the right priorities - I would pull her out of the class and find a different one.

ChairCareOh · 07/03/2022 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

cookiemonster2468 · 07/03/2022 15:00

@NicNax38

Dance teacher here, it's nothing to with making them look 'better', it's that stage lighting washes their features out. That said, while I do ask for makeup on my little ones, I ask for a little blush, a lipstick a little darker than their natural lip colour and their brows a little pencilled if they are fair and some brown mascara. That said, my older girls wear full stage makeup, but that hasn't been blue eyeshadow for decades now!
The tutor explicitly used the phrase "they look better".

They really don't need to look good at 3. Just let them have fun messing about and dancing ffs.

takingmytimeonmyride · 07/03/2022 15:00

My son does dance, and when he did a show at the theatre (only happened once due to covid) he wasn't asked to wear make up. Just as well as I have no idea how to apply it, as I never wear it for sensory reasons.

I've performed with choirs at the theatre and never been told to wear makeup.

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