Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/03/2022 15:45

I find it really interesting how strongly so many people on here feel about it. In my real life experiences no one really sees a bit of lip stick and eye shadow for a show as a big deal. For the most part the kids love it and don’t suffer any long term harm from a bit of dance show make up.

ISeeTheLight · 07/03/2022 15:45

I did ballet for years from toddler into my teens - they would usually use foundation to stop you from looking very pale - boys and girls - and maybe some lip gloss but not at age 3. And certainly never blue eyeshadow or mascara. Lots of attention went on the hair though - all had to be sleekly pulled back into a bun with an entire bottle of gel applied Grin

Lanascz · 07/03/2022 15:46

I've yet to see a dance show with 3 year old boys wearing red lipstick.

Thank God.

HedgehogintheFog · 07/03/2022 15:47

I'm surprised by the strength of the opinions here. Stage makeup has a role in my head akin to facepaint, and is nothing like putting makeup on a three year old in the real world. I'd struggle to get worked up about it unless my child had an allergy or strong aversion to wearing it.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 07/03/2022 15:47

Surely dance is how the body moves and in the nicest way possible, the face is irrelevant? Admittedly I know bugger all about these competitions

Agree with other that if it's just girls it's a bit Hmm

Anonymouslyposting · 07/03/2022 15:47

YANBU to feel that way OP. However, I did a lot of dance as a kid and had to wear the full blue eyeshadow, red lipstick, gelled hair stuff. At the time I just saw it as a costume rather than making the connection with every day makeup. As a teenager and an adult I don’t wear any makeup though so being exposed to it young didn’t make me think I needed it.

I would be a little concerned with their “look better with it” comment though - saying it’s part of the uniform is fine but I wouldn’t want my 3 year old daughter to think she needed makeup to look “better”.

RowanAlong · 07/03/2022 15:48

Who cares ‘if their features vanish under the lights?’ She’s presumably doing it for fun, not for the adults’ photos? No way to make up on a 3 year old…

thehistorymum · 07/03/2022 15:49

Say no - no three year old looks better with make up.

Dance clubs are so weird about this sort of thing.

Lanascz · 07/03/2022 15:50

It's fairly obvious that no one kid's have had their lives ruined by putting on a bit of eyeshadow when they in a show at the age of 5. No one is saying that.

But the insidious drip drip of girls being decorative and needing to look 'pretty' starts young. If only girls are in make-up, that's part of it, and it gets a hard no from me.

Comefromaway · 07/03/2022 15:51

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

Surely dance is how the body moves and in the nicest way possible, the face is irrelevant? Admittedly I know bugger all about these competitions

Agree with other that if it's just girls it's a bit Hmm

Facial expression is very important in dance. You communicate a lot with your face and eyes.
Wonderfulstuff · 07/03/2022 15:53

Presumably at the age of 3 she isn't making her west end debut?

I would struggle to understand why a standard dance school (of which there are 1000s across the country) feel that a 3 year old needs to perform with a full face of slap. I'm not trying to diss your child's efforts but really at that age they are mainly going to stand on stage point there toes, maybe skip and generally look lost... and of course adorable. I don't really think it warrants make up.

As you may tell I wouldn't feel comfortable either and it would be a hard no.

Realitydawning98 · 07/03/2022 15:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

RedHelenB · 07/03/2022 15:56

My dds danced and had stage make up on at 3
If you don't put any on you can't make our their faces or expressions under the stage lights. I didn't do mascara until they were older though.

Porcupineintherough · 07/03/2022 15:57

I guess they dont have any boys in your daughters dance class. My ds has danced the age of 4. He's always worn foundation for shows (otherwise the lights do wash you out), but he's never been asked to wear either lipstick or eyeshadow just to dance although be does get more made up for character parts . Nor does it spoil the look because he's dressed differently to all the others (who are girls).

Strokethefurrywall · 07/03/2022 16:07

When I was in stage shows, boys and girls had to wear make up so it wasn’t a “girl” thing. Right down to the red lipstick.

PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 07/03/2022 16:08

It's not "just stage-makeup" unless they make the boys were exactly the same makeup. Do boys who do dance shows with this company have to wear red lipstick? If they don't, then it's not about "just looking better under the lights".

Ljmumun · 07/03/2022 16:08

Standard for most if not all dance shows. Most have moved away from blue eyeshadow and red lips to browns and gold with pink lips though. Dd has danced from a similar age. I would just use some tinted moisturiser and bit of blue glitter if you are concerned. TBH dd and her dance friends are much lest interested in make up than the average 15 yr old. She wears full make up for shows only with false eyelashes too but the rest of the year if she uses a lip gloss I'm amazed. She certainly doesn't have a need or passion for make up due to dance infact it's the opposite. She sees it as part of theater and can't be bothered with it any other time

VeryLongBeeeeep · 07/03/2022 16:08

Facial expression is very important in dance. You communicate a lot with your face and eyes.

I doubt three year olds will be emoting like Dame Judi in Shakespeare in Love.

It's fairly obvious that no one kid's have had their lives ruined by putting on a bit of eyeshadow when they in a show at the age of 5. No one is saying that.

But the insidious drip drip of girls being decorative and needing to look 'pretty' starts young. If only girls are in make-up, that's part of it, and it gets a hard no from me.

This in spades. A bit of pancake and blush to both sexes to counteract the lighting effect? Fair enough. Only the girls in blue eyeshadow? Everyday sexism ahoy.

Just10moreminutesplease · 07/03/2022 16:08

She is perfect how she is, but under stage lighting normal features can’t really be seen properly… that’s why it’s so garish, so that features and facial expressions can be easily seen by the audience.

I have photos of myself as a small child in shows. On the ones from backstage I look like a clown. On the ones when I’m dancing you can barely tell I’m wearing makeup.

It’s not sending a bad message if you explain that it’s so you can see her smile under the bright lights. But unless it’s a professional show, it doesn’t really matter if you choose not to let her wear it.

Comefromaway · 07/03/2022 16:09

My daughter never wore red lipstick (apart from a vampire themed dance and a Spanish themed dance). The ballet teacher always asked for rose coloured and her vocational school did too.

NicNax38 · 07/03/2022 16:09

Wow, some of the vitriol aimed at dance teachers on here! Some of you need to remember that, while we may not be running the Bolshoi, we are, on the whole, highly trained individuals, and our dance schools are our businesses- most of us don't have huge marketing budgets, and shows are great advertising for us, especially after the last 2 years that have all but obliterated our industry. I put all my efforts into making our shows as professional and fun as possible, as the kids absolutely love them, and they help to attract new students, or encourage those already in the school to take more classes, which allows me to keep my studios running, and myself and my 7 teachers in employment. What you may consider a little, unprofessional performance is actually months and months of hard work, and extremely long and tiring days for us. My show profits go to charity, so I don't make any money or even get paid for it. I do it because I love the kids I teach, they love the show, get a massive boost out of being onstage and have fun!

If you don't want your child involved, that's fine, but don't pile on your dance teachers, they work bloody hard, often spending time with your child while missing their own child's bedtime, for very little money, and absolutely no thanks whatsoever!

PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 07/03/2022 16:10

Both sexes wearing eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara, foundation - fine

Girls wearing colourful eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara, and foundation, while the boys are in neutral hues or just have to wear some foundation etc - not fine

Just10moreminutesplease · 07/03/2022 16:10

I can’t speak for all dance schools/clubs but at mine everyone had blue eyeshadow and bright pink cheeks Grin.

Ljmumun · 07/03/2022 16:11

I should add as a result of lots of dancing and shows she has an amazing posture and figure. She also really understands what it is to work as a team an support each other. Dance often gets a bad press but it has many many benefits too

PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 07/03/2022 16:11

or the people asking about boys too - they always wore foundation at least during our dance shows

Well then, the girls only need to wear foundation, too.