Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BonusJonas · 07/03/2022 15:01

Do the boys wear make up to make them look better under the lights or to not looked washed out?

If not, there’s your misogynistic answer.

Qwill · 07/03/2022 15:02

We all used to wear make up for our school play. It was a big hall and it was just so parents could see our faces ‘better’, it doesn’t mean ‘look better’. It was pretty obvious make up on both sexes, we all thought of it like face paint. To the best of my knowledge, no child in my peer group has grown up to be a stripper 😂

lollipopsandrainbows · 07/03/2022 15:02

It's part and parcel of dance shows and competitions. Always blue eye shadow with white eye liner, pink blusher and red lipstick. I never looked at it as sexualising my child. It's to do with the lighting. And seeing all the girls backstage trying to put the lippy on is a lovely sight to see. You can choose not to let your daughter compete or take part in shows, which is what I did when my eldest fell out of love with them. I just had to collect her earlier than the other kids as they did the structured ballet/tap/modern first and would then move onto group work for the shows in the second half.

FoxyFoxyLoxy · 07/03/2022 15:02

DD is now 16 and has been dancing since she was 3. No children in pre-school wore makeup. SO what if they look washed out, it's about having fun and gaining confidence, not being Darcey Bussell.

As DD got older, at the ages of maybe 8, 9, 10 the girls were encouraged to use glitter bodyspray and hairspray, not foundation and mascara.

FusionChefGeoff · 07/03/2022 15:03

This is why I very deliberately avoided ballet, dance or gymnastics for DD

It's a shit message to give girls that their activity / talent / effort includes the message that they are 'less than' so need to wear paint to improve their looks.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 07/03/2022 15:04

Good luck putting mascara on a three year old 😬 i don't think mine would let me do that

Quitelikeit · 07/03/2022 15:05

Believe me if you had a child you absolutely would love it. It really is something beyond your control.

Having said that if you are sure then stop looking back start looking forward as otherwise you really are wasting your emotional energy!

I’m sure there’s plenty of other women who would love a child with this guy!

notanothertakeaway · 07/03/2022 15:05

This seems like a variation on this story
www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/may/11/receptionist-sent-home-pwc-not-wearing-high-heels-pwc-nicola-thorp

I wouldn't want three-year-olds wearing make up. Does it really matter if they look pale onstage? I imagine most parents can recognise their own child from a distance

Mamamamasaurus · 07/03/2022 15:05

Makeup on toddlers gives me the ick, end of.

Quitelikeit · 07/03/2022 15:05

Oh god wrong thread Confused

nearlyspringyay · 07/03/2022 15:06

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?
Yes the boys wear make up too. They all look like Oompa Loompas after the show. It's to do with the lights.
girljulian · 07/03/2022 15:06

I remember this as a child, the boys did have to wear makeup too as pp have said. It is stage makeup, it does not look good from close-up at all, and it didn't make me grow up to think I needed to wear makeup -- in fact, I never do! I liked having it put on for shows but it was very much like having my face painted.

incognitoforthisone · 07/03/2022 15:07

I don't get why anyone would actually care if a three-year-old looks 'washed out' on stage. They're tiny children - dancing mostly very badly, because they are three - for their own parents and relatives.

I used to work in the entertainment industry (in production, not as a performer) and yes, if they were appearing in a professional show on stage or screen for a paying audience, and needed makeup to make their features stand out under the lights or on camera, fine - put makeup on them. But they really don't need it when they're just dancing for fun as a toddler for their parents.

I would also add that whenever I've worked on shows (whether theatre or TV) the makeup for small children has absolutely never consisted of red lipstick and blue eyeshadow. The idea is to make their natural features stronger, not to make them look unnatural or adult or glamorous. They often line their eyes softly, whack on a bit of blush and mascara and tinted lip balm, which makes them look healthy and bright-eyed under the lights. Powder if they're too shiny. But red lippy and blue eyeshadow is really not the sort of makeup they'd wear if the only objective was to stop them looking washed out.

Comefromaway · 07/03/2022 15:07

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?
Yes they do
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 07/03/2022 15:08

I'm surprised you're surprised. It's just part of the 'uniform' along with scraped back hair etc.

Butterfly44 · 07/03/2022 15:09

It's part of performing. If you don't want it on her just say so.

Fairislefandango · 07/03/2022 15:09

Why does it matter if their faces look 'washed out' under the lights? They're 3. Surely the dancing and their enjoyment are the point of this, not what their lips and eyes look like. Confused

stuntbubbles · 07/03/2022 15:10

@MotherOfCrocodiles

Good luck putting mascara on a three year old 😬 i don't think mine would let me do that
Grin Mine would love the red lipstick. Mind you, she’d be applying it to her forehead and cheeks and saying she’s an apple.
Pinkbonbon · 07/03/2022 15:10

I wouldn't let my kids near weirdos that suggest putting foundation on children. They are clearly freaks.

TatianaBis · 07/03/2022 15:11

Pancake is ok, everything else - no.

Not all dance studios do this so you might be able to find another.

Comefromaway · 07/03/2022 15:12

I don't agree with blue eyeshadow. Apart from specific characters my daughter always wore natural shades.

But without make up, depending on the theatre and lights they don;t only look washed out you cannot see any feature of their face at all. I learnt this the hard way when I didn't send dd in make the first time. The DVD was especially dreadful and I couldn't tell which was dd on stage.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/03/2022 15:13

You feel how you feel.

But, my dds have danced since they were tiny. The littles ones always love putting on make up. In pre covid days you’d just line them up and slap a bit on them all. You have to watch them though as if they get their hands on it they end up looking like the joker!

It’s harmless and it hasn’t made my dds (now teenagers) believe they have to wear make up to be beautiful. In fact they hardly ever wear more than a bit of mascara, except for special occasions and dance shows.

FoxyFoxyLoxy · 07/03/2022 15:13

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I'm surprised you're surprised. It's just part of the 'uniform' along with scraped back hair etc.
Not in all dance schools it's not.

DD expressed an interest in a dance class and we had the choice of 2.

Class 1 - run by a former ballerina, super strict, girls had to have a set uniform of leotard and wrap cardi, and tights, and specific shoes, and hair in a certain style etc etc etc.

Class 2 - run by a former primary school teacher with a modern dance qualification, her exact words were "just send her in her trainers and leggings for a couple of weeks to make sure she likes it first".

Guess which one we chose? No make up at shows except for the older teens and even then it was optional. Glitter in abundance for the tween girls. Hair tied back off the face for shows but no requirements other than that.

Not all dance schools are equal. There are dance schools out there which are all about fun and confidence and don't have delusions that their end of year show is akin to the Bolshoi.

TatianaBis · 07/03/2022 15:16

Guess which one we chose?

No idea, depends what kind of dance lessons you were after.

Comefromaway · 07/03/2022 15:17

I'd have chosen the one run by the ballerina as regardless of whether it is for fun or serious good technique is important to ensure no injuries etc.