To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

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DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

It's stage makeup. I wore it when I did shows.

I suppose whether or not it is unreasonable depends if the dance school is asking the boys to wear stage make up too.If they are not then it is ridiculous - either it is needed to make all performers look good, or it is not and is simply a sexist request.

It’s costume. I did dance for my whole childhood and that’s just how it is. For the people asking about boys too - they always wore foundation at least during our dance shows.

Can you not just look at it as face paint as part of a costume rather than make-up? I get where you're coming from though, and it does feel a little uncomfortable.

@Comefromaway

I'd have chosen the one run by the ballerina as regardless of whether it is for fun or serious good technique is important to ensure no injuries etc.

Same.

Just because the kids wear the correct uniform doesn’t mean the classes won’t be fun. Also good technique is best taught from the start.

@TatianaBis

Guess which one we chose?

No idea, depends what kind of dance lessons you were after.

@TatianaBis - what kind of dance lessons would they be eh?? Exotic dance for little girls?

The makeup is needed for the lights (and yes, that absolutely includes the boys) but tbh, this is one of the (many) reasons why much prefer my DD's dance school's approach.

Her school just doesn't have the tinies do the big shows. Only the kids who've been attending a few years, have passed exams and have 'moved up' by showing commitment to attendance are moved into the 'show team'.

Effectively, this is every child in classes above a certain point (there's no selectiveness with some in a class and some not) but not the real dinky-dots. It has the side benefit of making the older girls at 7 or so feel like they've 'earned' their place, too, and it really is a badge of honour for them when they 'move up' (it comes with a leotard colour change, too.)

The early groups get given lots of chances for parents to see them at awards days and special character days in the regular school etc, but there's none of this nonsense that's just not suitable for them,

The lady that runs it does get some flack for it from the odd parent wanting to know why the early classes aren't included, but its genuinely a much better system than including them. There's none of this keeping a confused pre-schooler up till 10pm back to back nights, having stuck them into heavy makeup and itchy costumes in a stuffy dressing room for hours, so they can spend two minutes terrified on a stage under under blazing hot lights 'dancing' nonsense, and it means they enjoy it more when they gets there, too .

It's true pancake and contouring (blusher) is needed for the lights but blue eyeshadow is not nor red lipstick or mascara.

I didn't wear mascara in dance performances until I was 10/11.

i think it's quite ridiculous to make these rules about the makeup for the young children. My daughter , when very young years ago, used to be in a dance group, that gave performances now and again.All that mattered, was to give a great performance to show off the talent they had, and wearing nice little dance costumes and appropriate dance shoes. There would be plenty of colour in their clothes., and nobody slapped makeup on the childrens faces. They were not all dancing girls and boys,performing at the London palladium or on Broadway !

It's not that they're not adorable, it's because their features can vanish under the lights. A bit of make up defines them and stops them from looking faceless from the seats.
I was a dance school kid too and we were always told this. BUT looking at pictures of us on stage - we all looked like we were wearing far too much make up. I think blue eyeshadow and red blusher and lipstick looks horrendous - lights or no lights.

@MsFogi

I suppose whether or not it is unreasonable depends if the dance school is asking the boys to wear stage make up too.If they are not then it is ridiculous - either it is needed to make all performers look good, or it is not and is simply a sexist request.

Yes, I think so too.

If it's for the lights (and I agree with pp who says it's bonkers putting little kids through this), then both boys and girls should be asked to wear the same make up.

I never wear makeup unless it's a very special occasion and I'm perfectly confident in my own bare face... that said I had access to kids' makeup, make up dolls, wore face paint, and experimented all the time as a kid.

I fail to see any issue, it's normal for kids to dress up and explore these things (boys and girls).

Have your kids never had their faces painted or worn temporary tattoos or anything 'non-natural' on their skin?

How stiffiling of indervidual creativity.

@Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns

I actually think this really shows your “ class” You’re right to refuse it. It’s disgusting these little girls dressed up like strippers. I’m sure she’s beautiful and talented as she is

Make up = strippers?

Wow

Yanbu!

When my dd was in dance shows I refused to allow her to wear make-up. My argument that she was there to show case her dancing not her face, teacher grudgingly accepted my decision. She did dancing from 3yrs old to when she was about 11yrs old, never wore make-up for any shows, despite getting some leading parts.

This is one of the reasons DD never did dance or gymnastics, the outfits and makeup are far too much. The painful gelled and slicked hair styles, being covered in make up, skimpy leotards all up in their business with no underwear even for 3 year olds. Thankfully she's more of a taekwondo person.

No way for a 3 year old. I've had this before. Once I asked if the boys were also asked to wear make up (no) and the next time I just ignored it.

No drama, just nope. The rubbish about faces 'vanishing' on stage is there to be ignored. I was on stage for years as a kid and have been to countless shows. No one's face 'vanishes' - kids either look natural in the lights or as though they're wearing makeup.

It’s just part of the costume. I’ve seen them put blusher on the boys; I don’t know about lippy, I don’t think I noticed.

She’ll probably be disappointed to see all the other children with make up and not her. perhaps you could just allow the blusher.

@Lanascz

No way for a 3 year old. I've had this before. Once I asked if the boys were also asked to wear make up (no) and the next time I just ignored it.

No drama, just nope. The rubbish about faces 'vanishing' on stage is there to be ignored. I was on stage for years as a kid and have been to countless shows. No one's face 'vanishes' - kids either look natural in the lights or as though they're wearing makeup.

I've seen it with my own eyes.

DEFINITE No. She is not a doll, and not there to be judged on how she looks (how backward is this?!).
She is there to enjoy herself, and when she is a little older, to demonstrate her dancing skills - which does not require makeup.
I would suggest the school focuses on teaching her to dance, not how she looks - you can spot a good dance school a mile off based on this (though not at age 3).
Honestly, I would be changing dance schools as this would write them off as shallow sexist and focused on the wrong thing, in my view.

This has been a thing for years. I’m 28 and when me and my sister were that age makeup was required for dance competitions. I think you’re being a bit precious.

Its part of the costume. If you don't like the costume, don't send her on stage.

I've seen it with my own eyes

eh? Faces 'vanishing'? Okay. It's stage-mom crap ime, but each to their own!

It's fine for kids to not look like they're in vivid 4d technicolor under stage lights. 3 year olds don't need make up on stage.

Its to enhance their features...... Smiles etc show up better under the lights. It's not to sexualise young girls boys wear it too. I put it in the same bracket as kids wearing facepaints..... Which make up basically is at that age.

I remember having the same reaction and thinking the same as you when my dc started doing shows.

That said, the stage lights completely blank out their features so some definition does help. I've never done the eye shadow but have done a toned down version of the rest. I never wear make up day to day and my dds have not ever mentioned wearing make up at other times. Boys are included at our dance school.